CurbYourEnthusiasm《消消气（2000）》第十二季第二集完整中英文对照剧本.docx

跟你说实话吧Behonestwithyou,这毛病白天还行itdon'tbothermesomuchinthedavtime.晚上是最痛苦的让你躺在床上睡不着It,satnightwhenIlavdownandqotobed.Ican'tsleep.疼如地狱辗转反侧ItossandIturn.It'shell.你平常乳制品吃得多吗牛奶乡村干酪酸奶油什么的Doyoueatalotofdairv?Milk,cottagecheese,sourcream?我都爱吃Yes,allofit.我不是专业医生哈但听上去mnotadoctor,butitsoundstome你好像是乳糖过敏或乳糖不耐likeyoumighthavealactoseallergvoralactoseintolerance.真的吗Really?我建议你完全戒掉乳制品Mvsuggestionisthatyoucutoutdairvfromyourdietcompletely.很难办啊我喜欢奶酪It'sgonnabetough.Ilovecheese.谁不喜欢脆饼蘸卡门培尔奶酪呢拜托Hev,whodoesn'tloveadeliciousCamembertonacracker?Comeon.卡门培尔是啥玩意Camembert?Whatthefuckisthat?算是奶酪的一种-我听都没听过It,sasoftcheese.-1ain'teverheardofthatshit.特别好吃It'sverygood.我也说不好该怎么办应该不好戒我总吃乳制品Idon'tknowhowmgonnadoit,man.It,sqonnabetough.That'sallIeat.我知道很难我都含泪放弃马尔科纳杏仁了Iknowit'shard.IhadtogiveupMarconaalmonds.是种坚果吗Isthatlikeanut?对超好吃再加点松露油和海盐Yeah,delicious.Thatwithsometruffleoilandseasalt.味蕾盛宴Tremendous.我都听不懂你♥他♥妈♥在说什么Idon'tknowwhatthefuckyou'retalkingabout.好吧Okay.拉里大卫你可以走了1.arrvDavid!You,refreetogo.看看你啊律师来了1.ookatvou.Lawyer'shere.保持联♥系♥哥们儿很高兴认识你Stavintouch,buddv.Goodtomeetyou.大卫先生我是乔德安吉洛一名律师Mr.David,mJoeD'Angelo.manattorney.你经纪人杰夫让我来的YourmanagerJeffsentme拉里我把我电♥话♥给你Hey,Larrvletmegivevoumynumber,man,口自们保持联♥系♥好吗Wecanstayintouch,youknow?你带手♥机♥了吗-带了Hev,vougotaphoneonyou?-Sure.你能帮我记下他的号♥码吗-他的号♥码Youmindtakinghisnumberdown?-Hisnumber?好的-记一下是4048928042Yeah.-Yeah.404-892-8042.对记F了Yeah,Iqotit.有空来找我拉里慢走不送Hitmeupsometime,Larrv.Takeiteasy,buddv.谢谢你们咱们走吧带走吧Thanks,fellas.Let'sgo.Allyours.听着拉里我可以叫你拉里吗1.isten,Larrv,mayIcallyouLarrv?当然-听我说拉里Yeah,yeah,sure.-Okav,listentome,Larrv.我帮你申请了个人担♥保♥IqotyououtonanR.0.R.你用个人名誉为自己做保懂吗Thev'rereleasingyouonyourownrecognizance,okav?好的-有问题吗Yeah.-What,swrong?没问题Nothing.我怎么知道给别人递脓水也犯法Ididn'tknowitwasagainstthelawtogivesomeoneaglassofwater.欢迎来到乔治亚朋友WelcometoGeorgia,myfriend.听着我只想认罪然后回家1.ook,allIwannado,allIwannadoispleadguiltyandqohome.我想离开这鬼地方Iwannaqetthehelloutofhere.咱们就按这个策略你先认罪我周一前就把你弄出来That'stheplan.Youpleadguiltv.IqetvououtofherebyMonday惩罚小到可以忽略不计好吗withtheslaponthewristOkav?我来问你1.etmeaskyouthis.所以这家伙让我飞来给他庆生Sothisguvfliesmeoutofheretomakeanappearance可他现在不愿付我钱了athisbirthdaypartv,andnowhe'snotpayingme.咱们先把这个刑事案子处理好好吗1.et'sstickwiththiscriminalcase,okay?其他案子之后坐下来慢慢谈Andthenwecansitdownandmavbetalkabouttheotherthing.耶拉里你是我的英雄Yeah,Larrv!You'remyhero!我爱你拉里-瞧瞧这个场面Iloveyou,Larrv!-Lookatthis!看来你是自♥由♥派的宠儿1.ookslikeyou'resomekindofliberaldarling.不会吧拜托没错Getthehelloutofhere.Comeon.-That'sright.你怎么来了我怎么会让你独自面对呢1.ookatvou.HowcouldInotbehereforyou?多好的朋友啊Whatapal.找了一家爱彼迎咱俩的行李都放过去了一切都安排好了IgotanAirbnbforus.Igotallyourluggagethere.Youareallset对r这是乔德安吉洛Hey,thisisJoeD'Angelo.对我们通过电♥话♥你好吗Yeah,wespokeonthephone.Howareyou?乔对吧很高兴终于见面了Joe?Nicetofinallymeetyou.我也很高兴也很荣幸谢谢你出手帮忙Nicemeetingyou,too.Apleasure.Thankyouforhelpingusout,别客气正如我常对客户说的一样Sure.Listen,lltellyouwhatItellallmyclients.别担心我会把你伺候的舒舒服服认识你很高兴杰夫Don'tworry.You'reingoodhands.Nicemeetingyou,Jeff.真是怪事-难以置信太疯狂了Weird,lt,sunbelievable.It'sinsane.他看起来跟摩卡乔模一样HelooksiustlikeMocha)oe.你活这么大见过如此相像的两个人吗Haveyoueverseenanuncannvresemblancelikethatinyourlife?我从没见过他只跟他通过话他是别人推荐的Ineversawhim.Ionlvtalkedtohim.Hewasrecommended.专业能力一流Hewaslike,thebest.但就因为他跟摩卡乔长得像让我有了种莫名的反感ButIhaveanaturalantipathytowardshimbecauseofMochaJoe.是啊很抱歉找他来Yeah.msosorrvthatIhiredhim.你还在用那款染发剂是吧Stjjlthehairdye?Stillgoingwithit,huh?对因为我喜欢啊拜托Comeon.Ilikeit.Ido.我不这么认为-我真的喜欢1don'tthinkvoudo.1likeit.我知道你不喜欢别骗你老哥哥我了Iknowyoydon't.You'renotbeinghonestwithvourpal.没事咱去跟粉丝打个招呼吧That'sokav.Let'sgogreetmypublic.拉里1.arry!谢谢你你真是太好了ThankyoulSoniceofyou.这就是我们租的房♥子是的Sothisisourrental?Yep有件事很有趣Thisisinteresting,我昨晚在监狱读了本美国科学IactuallyreadthisintaillastnightintheScientificAmerican几千年来人类在穿鞋的时候thatforthousandsofyearshumanshavebeenputtingontheirshoes一直用食指当鞋拔usingtheirindexfingerasashoehorn.按照进化论的观点我们的食指在几千年后AndinsomekindOfDarwinianwaywe'veadapted为了适应这一做法andtheindexfingerinacoupleofthousandvears会看起来像个鞋拔it'sgonnalooklikeashoehorn.你♥他♥妈♥在说啥啊鞋拔子Thefuckareyoutalkingabout?Shoehorn?不是你看已经有点变平了No,look!Youcanseeit'sgettingflatter.明明跟其他手指一样啊别扯了Theylookliketheotherfingers.Whatareyoutalkingabout?你看的是美国胡扯吧Ithinkit,s"BullshitAmerican".你看看多像鞋拔1.ookslikeashoehorn.什么草坪上怎么会放这个What?Whatisthisdoingonthelawn?这是房♥子自带的你以为是我放这里的吗Itcamewiththehouse.YouthinkIputitonthelawn?我们入住前都不知道有这么个东西Wedidn'tknowitwasthereuntilwemovedin.太不像话了不像话That'sawful.Terrible.实在不像话房♥子门口有这种东西我才不要住That'sawful.Ican'tstavinahousewiththatthingthere.一瓶水什么-这条法律也太苛刻了威利Abottleofwater.What?-It,sanoutrageouslaw,Willie.但是拜托我们必须佩服拉里大卫的勇气Butcomeon,vouqottotakevourhatofftoLarryDavid.拉里大卫因为一瓶水而被捕总有人要这么做而他做到了Ithadtobedone.Anddammit,hedidit.总有人要这么做而他做到了Ithadtobedone.Anddammit,hedidit嘿Hev!外面那玩意咋回事那个草坪马夫What,swiththatthingoutthere?Thelawnjockev.我懂这里是南方这是人家的特色Iknow.We,reinthesouth.That'swhatthevhave.我们得把它扔掉不能扔WegottogetridofthatthingYou'renotqettingridofit.我不能住在有这种塑像的房♥子里Ican'tstayinthishousewiththatthingoutside.让我生理不适-这是爱彼迎好吧mnotcomfortable.ThisisanAirbnb.我保证金都付了能不能别纠结这事儿了I qaveasecuritydeposit.Justleaveitthefuckalone.你看到这个新闻了吗Youseewhat'sgoingonhere?采取了勇敢的立场It'sacourageousstand.他也许不是公车上的罗莎帕克斯1mean,youknow,maybeit'snotRosaParksonthebus,但你知道这行为实属不易butyouknow,thisisprettyimportant.太好了啊Thisisamazing.我不想刻意拔高但耶稣那句话怎么说来着Idon'twannagetallpreachyaboutthis,butwhatdidJesussay?我渴了你便给我水喝Iwasthirstyandvouqavemewater.拉里便是这么做的ThatswhatLarrydidhere.我很好奇共和党人真要施压Andmjustwondering,areRepublicans,like,reallvqonnapush我很好奇共和党人真要施压Andmjustwondering,areRepublicans,like,reallvgonnapush把这家伙送进监狱吗gettingthisguvintoiail?这个事件逐渐有了话题性Thestorygainingmomentum,too.引发了全国政♥治♥人物和名人对Politicalfigures,celebritiesacrossthecountryreacting拉里大卫的勇敢行为表态toLarryDavid'sbravestand.拉里大卫把思想落实在了行动上而不是口头上1.arrvDavidisaboutaction,notwords.他看到了不公就尽其所能去纠正Hesawaninjusticeandhedidwhathecouldtorightit.这正是今天的美国所缺乏的Andthat'swhatweneedtodavinAmerica.这是一起公♥关♥事件拉里大卫冒了很大风险It,sacauseceleb.-LarryDavidtookabigrisk.把名誉和健康置之度外HeputhisnameandhisbodyontheIinel你现在成英雄人物了You'relikeaheroorsomething.拉里大卫向我们展示了什么是“路见不平拔刀相助”Involvement".That'sLarrvDavid'smiddlename.拉里路见不平拔刀相助大卫1.arrvnInvolvementnDavid.你敢信吗Canyoubelievethat?他们嘴下这个拉里大卫感觉是个好人口内ThisLarrvDavidthev'retalkingaboutseemslikequiteafellow.那当然-我们能不知道吗Heis.Butweknowbetter.你一定累坏了想喝杯咖啡吗我煮了咖啡Youmustbeexhausted.Doyouwantacupofcoffee?Igotcoffeemade.那就太好了非常感谢Thatwouldbegreat.Thankyouvervmuch.嘿葫芦台那边咋样了Hev,what'sgoingonwithHulu?明早11点我们有场视频会议II :00tomorrowmorning,wegotaZoomcall.你明天还要开视频会绝对不行杰夫TomorrowyouhaveaZoomcall?Idon'tthinkso,Jeff.你还是改期吧你脑子坏掉了吧You'regonnahavetochangethat.Whatthehell'sthematterwithyou?哦糟了明天是你生日Shit.It,syourbirthdav.没错我生口时候不准视频开会Yes,exactly.NoZoomingonmvbirthdav.不准你在我生日当天工作-怎么你生H是法定节假日公Noworkonmvbirthday.-Whatisthat,anationalholiday?那天对于我和杰夫相当神圣It,sasacreddavforJeffandme.那他可以上洗手间吗Isheallowedtoqotothebathroom?他可以上洗手间拉里Yes,hecangotothebathroom,Larry.你也想做啥都行但杰夫整天都得陪着我Andyoucoulddowhateverthefuckvouwant,butJeffismineallday.怎么你才十岁吗拜托Whatarevoutenyearsold?Comeon.想想这个世界没有我的出生会多么的操蛋Youknow,ifIwasn,tborn,thinkthewholeworldwouldbeshit.你以为这是吉米斯图尔特的那部电影么IfthiswasthatmoviewiththeJimmyStewart.生活多美好It'saWonderfulLife.你以为还有天使陪你巡游么谁鸟你啊Yeah,andtheangelwastakingyouaround.Nobodywouldgiveafuck.觉得自己挺幽默哈我弄你的咖啡去了Veryfunny.Gettingyoucoffee.疯了吧她而且你知道吗Thisisjustinsanity.Andyouknowwhat?我还得给她买♥♥礼物我都不知道去哪儿买♥♥买♥&hearts*十么Igottogetheragift.Idon'tknowwheretogo,whattogether.而她还总是不满意It'salwaysadisappointment可我不想倾家荡产地买♥♥礼物啊太悲催了andIdon'twannabreakthebank.It'ssofrustrating.总要想着另一个人这也太痛苦了Whatathingtogothrough.Youhavetothinkaboutanotherperson.简直痛苦It'siustterrible.我可能有个主意Thisisapossibilityforyou,你不想花太多钱是吧Youdon'twannaspendtoomuchmoney,right?又想哄她开心Andvetyouwannamakeherhappy,那你就买♥♥两份礼物但你只送她一份Yougettwogifts,butyouonlygiveherone先看看她的反应andseehowshereactstotheone.她要是因为你只送了一个不开心Ifvouseeshe'salittledisappointed,causeit'siustone,你就把第二个拿出来thenyoubringoutthesecond,她要是对第一个满意你就把第二个退掉Andifshe'shappywiththeone,thenyoureturnthesecond.我怎么就没想到呢瞧瞧这多简单HowdidInotthinkofthat?Sosimple.Lookatthat,谢啦-什么鬼Thanks.-Whatthefuck?外面那是啥玩意儿留们我知道太不像话了Whatisthat,man?-Yeah,Iknow.It,sterrible.你还知道你看见了还径直走进来Youknow?Youguyshavetowalkbyhimwhenyoucamein?我不知道我两分钟前才看见的Idon'tknow.Ijustsawitforthefirsttimetwominutesago.你俩是不是还碰了个拳啊-我们不碰拳的Youfistbumpedthismotherfucker?-No,wedon'tfistbump,嘿你好Hey,what,sup?这样吧咱把它放车♥库♥里越来越离谱了Youknowwhat?Let'sputitinthegarage.Thisiscrazy你觉得呢-好的Youwantto?-Yeah,veah.天赶紧把他弄出去)eez.Gethimthefuckoutofhere.好沉呐你们究竟有没有在抬Thisisheavvman.Whatthefuck?Areyouguvsdoinganything?我抬着呢-你没事吧Yeah,mholdingit.-Areyouokav?妈呀Shit!天不会吧Ohman!Comeon!瞧瞧你干得好事1.ookwhatvoudid.我&hearts汗♥得好事我就知道你会这么说WhatIdid?Iknewyouwouldsaythatshit.我抬的那部分最沉了1hadtheheaviestpart.最沉了是你自愿要抬那里的Yougottheheaviestpart?Youvolunteeredfortheheaviestpart.你说你想抬着后面的Yousaidyouwantedtostavintheback.发生了什么啊你们干啥好事了Whatthehellhappened?Whatdidyouguysdo?我们出了点小意外Wehadanaccident.你说你们搬这玩意干啥这又不是我们家Whydidyouevenmovethefuckingthing?Thisisnotourhouse.你们得再去找个一样的Well,vou'regonnahavetoiustfindanotherone.我才不要损失保证金都听到了吗CauseIamnoteatingthesecuritydeposit.Youhearme?现在就去给我买♥♥个一模-样的Gobuyanewonerightnow.Theexactsameonel能等你生H那天再买♥♥吗Canwedoitonyourbirthdav?服了Jesus.我得去洗个澡然后我们mgonnatakeashowerandthenwe'll.这玩意儿哪里有卖♥♥呀HowamIgonnafindoneofthesethings?别忘了我们也得给苏西买♥♥礼物Don'tforqetwegottogetSusie'sgift.Allright?我压力都爆表了实在不知道送她什么Thisissodamnoverwhelming.Idon'tknowwhattogether.我一点都不羡慕你呢-不可能Idon'tenvyyou.Thisisimpossible.嘿你就是那个给女士递水的人Hey,you'retheguythatgavethatIadvthewater.没错就是我Right!I'mtheguy.你就是那个把毛衣Andyou'retheguythat'swearingasweater系在脖子上穿的人这句咋样tiedaroundhismotherfuckingneck.Howaboutthat?嘿来看看这家Hev,rightthere.Lookatthisplace.进去逛逛吧1.et'sdoit.这个店符合苏茜的风格你看这件农服ThisreallylookslikeaSusiestore.Lookatthisstuff.不太行-那这件呢It'sprettyhorrible.Whataboutthisthing?这件就很完美Thatlooksfuckingperfect.我先去墨镜小屋把1号♥礼物买♥♥下mgoingovertoSunglassHut.mgettinggiftnumberone.你俩忙我逛逛2号♥礼物-好一会儿见Youtwoscoutforgiftnumbertwo.Allright.Illseeyouinaminute.真荒唐我竟在给苏西买♥♥东西离谱Thisissostupid.mlookingtoshopforSusie?Thisisinsane.已经有这么多丑衣服的人还要给他买♥♥点啥呢Whatdoyoubuyapersonwhoalreadvhasbullshitlikethisbullshit?呃不妙我有大事要办Hev,youknowwhat?Igotabigiob.好吧Okay.我想上大号♥你觉得这儿有洗手间吗Igottadropthekidsoffatthepool.Youthinktheyhaveabathroomhere?有是有但你不买♥♥东西Thevhaveabathroom.Butyoucan'tusethebathroom就不能用他们的洗手间这是规矩unlessvoubuysomething.That'showtheydoit.先生好需要我帮你找衣服吗Heno,qentlemen.MayIhelpyoufindsomething?呃我们只是随便看看No.Youknowwe'reiustbrowsing.我们刚上货了几款宽边巾Wejustgotsomegorqeouswidebrimmedhatsin.软呢帽我喜欢软呢帽-带你们去看看吧Fedoras?IloveaFedora.-Wouldyouliketoseeanv?我想问问你们有洗手间吗mwondering,doyouhavearestroomIcoulduse?你要用洗手间啊是的Youhavetousetherestroom?-Yeah.现在吗-是的Rightnow?-Kinda,veah.好吧在那里Yeah.Rightthisway.瞧瞧这是谁苏茜走吧1.ookwhoshowedup.Susie.Let'sgo.打扰下还有什么需要我帮忙的吗Excuseme.IsthereanythingelseIcanhelpyouwith?我知道您喜欢软呢帽带您看几顶吧1knowyouwereinterestedinthefedoras.Icanshowyouthose.我想了想先不买♥♥了Youknowonsecondthought,Idon'tthinkso.但洗手间只供付费顾客使用Well,therestroomisforpayingcustomersonlv.我进店时确实带着购物意愿Well,1browsedwithintenttobuy,但很遗憾没看到特别想买♥♥的东西butunfortunately,Ididn'treallvseeanythingthatwasOfinteresttome.那么在一般情况下Inyourpreviouscondition,你得花多少钱才能用洗手间howmuchwouldyouhavepaidtousetherestroom?500-500刀呢500.-500?居然真被我找到了我找到一副最适合她的墨镜IcannotbelieveIfoundapair,butIfoundtheperfectpairforher.太棒了Fantastic.我负责的礼物选好了你们这边呢Igotmine.What'dyouguyscomeupwith?我们这边呢Whatdidwecomeup我们选了好久Well,we'vebeenbrowsing我们打算送那个手袋andwe'vecomeupwiththatpurse.这个手袋太完美了感谢两位选的太好了Thatpurse.That'sperfect.Thankyouboth.Greatcall.瞧我选了你店里的东西我也是顾客Yes,Wefoundthatinthestore.See,macustomer.不他才是顾客你只是他拉屎的朋友No,he,sacustomer.You'rejusthisfriendwhopoopedinourtoilet.请问有什么需要CanIhelpyoufindanything?你好啊你好Hevthere.Howvoudoing?我想买♥♥一个那个东西应该叫草坪马夫吧Good.Interestedinbuving.Alawniockevthey'recalled,right?没错就是这么叫的-对草坪马夫Yeah,that'sexactlvwhatthevare.Yeah.Alawniockev.我发现这里的马夫都是同一个肤色的Inoticedthatthey'reallprettymuchthesame,youknow,ethnicity.想问问你们有没有深色的Wonderingifperhapsyouhadanydarkerones.多深Darkerhow?黑色的Black?你想买♥♥黑色的吗YouwantaBlackone?不是你想的那样这故事说来话长It,snotwhatyouthink.It,salongstorv.对有400年之久呢始于尼日利亚Yeah,it,slike400yearslong.StartsinNigjeria.相信我我和你一样对这种行为深恶痛绝Believeme,Ihavethesameaversiontothemasyoudo.可你现在却要买♥♥一个Butyou,relookingforone.再次重申说来话长Again,it'salongstory.这根本不是我的主意我只想把它换掉Ihavenothingtodowithit.1iusthavetoreplaceit,really.所以你已经有一个了Soyoualreadvhadone.你知道吗这个看起来挺像那个Youknowthisone?Thisonelooksvervsimilartothe.你知道吗这个看起来挺像那个Youknowthisone?Thisonelooksvervsimilartothe.黑色那个的TheBlackone.我再问一个问题你们卖♥♥黑色油漆吗1.etmeaskvouthisguestion.Doyousellblackpaint?我们不卖♥♥黑色油漆No,wedon'thaveblackpainthere,那鞋油呢Shoepolish?没有鞋油没有焦油也没那种东西No,Wedon'thaveanvshoepolish.Wedon'thaveanytar,行你知道吗Okav.Youknowwhat?那我就买♥♥这个吧然后再改造改造Ithinkmgonnaqetthatone,andIthinkIcanworkwiththat.你怎么买♥♥了个白人-我知道It'sWhiteYeah,Iknow.他看着有点不对劲但我说不出是什么Somethingabouthim,too.Ican'tputmyfingeronit.你怎么没买♥♥点油漆Whydidn'tyougotoapaintstore?我找过找不到还开门的油漆店Ilooked.Icouldn'tfindapaintstorethatwasopen.苏茜随时可能回来我们该怎么办Susiewillbehereanyminute.Whatarewegonnado?你有鞋油吗Gotanvshoepolish?没有鞋油Idon'thaveshoepolish.你看啥呢Whatareyoulookingat?非常好Prettygood.太棒了好主意苏茜来了我们走Thisisgreat.Greatidea.Susie'shere.Let'sgo!我♥草♥Fuck!哦嘿你好啊Oh,hevlHevhey我验验货啊1.et'ssee跟之前的一样吗-当然我带着摔坏的头去买♥♥的Okav.It'sthesame?Ibroughttheheadwithme.Yeah.你带着头去买♥♥的Youbroughttheheadwithyou?好吧你逃过一劫-我们逃过一劫了Allright,vou,reoffthehook.-Weareoffthehook.你们任不许再犯傻了Don'tdoanymorestupidshit,thethreeofyou.也不许再胡闹Nomorestupidshit.我的保证金一分也不能少Wasn'teatingthatsecuritydeposit.好吧Okav.怎么样瞧咱这事儿办得怎么样真不错Howaboutthat?Howaboutthemapples?Great!咱们把这儿收拾一下et,scleanthisshitup.几千年来人类在穿鞋的时候Soforthousandsofvears,humanshavebeenputtingontheirshoes一直在用食指当鞋拔usingtheirindexfingerasashoehorn.随着时间的推移我们的食指Andintime,ourindexfingershavebeen,