ParksandRecreation《公园与游憩（2009）》第二季第二十二集完整中英文对照剧本.docx

你好啊Hi,there.这边是在干啥What'sgoingonhere?小狗狗-这里有只小狗Puppy!-Apuppyishere!我们能养着吗我邻居的狗生了一堆Canwekeephim?-Myneighbor'sdoghadalitter.他们在找人领养They'relookingforpeopletoadopt.我爱他1lovehim.我希望他有狗狗的小鞋子Iwishhehadtinypuppyshoes.我绝对会免费给他擦小鞋Iwouldtotallyshinehislittleshoesforfree.我确实说的是最可爱的话Idosaythecuteststuff.听着我和正常人一样都喜欢狗1.ook,Iloveagooddogasmuchasthenextguy,但这栋楼禁止动物进入butthisbuildingdoesn'tallowanimals.Andy把他带出去Andy,takehimoutside.啥然后杀了他吗What,andshoothim?不就把他扔出去No.Justkeephimoutside.哦别啊Ron我只是条小狗狗Oh,comeon,Ron.mjustalittlepuppy.我没做错任何事啊我只是条小狗狗Iain'tdonenothingwrong.mjustapuppy.我喜欢你的胡子我希望我能长出来但我不行Ilikeyourmustache.IwishIcouldhaveone.But1can't因为我只是条小狗狗Becausemjustalittlepuppy.好的把他带出去杀了Okay,takehimoutandshoothim.公园与游憩公园与游憩公园与游憩第2季第22集第2季第22集着火了着火了着火了Fire!Fire!Fire!什么哪里What?Where?在我肚子里因为24小时Pawnee关心糖尿病电♥话♥募捐今晚开始-好谟Inmybelly.Becausethe24-hourPawneeCaresDiabetesTelethonstartstonight.-Goody.结果通知我们1.etusknowhowitwent.每年Pawnee关心组织和本地有线电视台Everyyear,PawneeCaresteamsupwiththelocalcableaccessstation会联合为糖尿病研究募捐toraisemoneyfordiabetesresearch.这很重要因为Pawnee是全美第四大肥胖的镇Andit,simportant,becausePawneeisthefourth-fattesttownintheU.S.前四是我们达拉斯塔尔萨和美国摩尔城的某些部分Itgoesus,Dallas,TulsaandcertainpartsofTheMailofAmerica.那么今年我能安排我自己的四小时时段Well,thisyear,Igettoprogrammyownfour-hourblock.我知道很激动吧Iknow.Exciting!所以我给你们都分配了多个轮班So,Ihavesignedyouallupformultipleshifts.是的只要接听电♥话♥并提供精神支持就行Yes,justtoanswerphonesandprovidemoralsupport.从几点到几点Fromwhentowhen?今晚Tonight.早上2点到6点From2:00a.m.to6:00a.m.什么What?不LeSlie拜托No.Leslie,please.今晚可是个很重要的晚上Tonight'skindofabignight.你知道我的孩子们都走了然后.Youknow,allmykidsareaway,and.恶心不是Jerry的性♥爱♥之夜这会毁了性♥爱♥和今夜Gross!No!It'sJerry'ssexnight.Thatruinssexandtonight.先穿起这些T恤吧会让你们进入状态的1.ook,whydon'tyouputononeoftheset-shirts?It'llgetyouinthemood.我昨晚熬了整晚做完的Istayedupallnightlastnightmakingthese.你在通宵节目的前一晚通宵了Youstayedupallnightthenightbeforeanall-nighttelethon.是的这就是原因看Yes.Andhere,swhy.Boom.”糖尿病共聚一'堂'携手'并'肩""Diabetes.Let'sDia-beat-this."是的四个小时想到这个口号♥Yeah.Fourhourstocomeupwiththeslogan.四个小时绣上去真是值了Fourhourstoembroiderthem.-Timewellspent.沙拉太烂了看我说出来了Saladsucks.There.Isaidit.感觉好点了-是Feelbetter?-Yep.我在想啊vebeendoingsomethinking.我不准备邀请Ann同居了mnotgoingtoaskAnntomoveinwithme.为啥出啥事了不我要求婚Why?Issomethingwrong?-No.mgoingtoaskhertomarryme.我爱她我也想要个伴侣-马背Iloveher.AndIwantapartner.-Horseback.你应该在马背上求婚-什么Youshouldaskheronhorseback.-What?不你该在热气球里求婚No,youshouldaskherinahotairballoon.不她该在热气球里你该在马背上No.Sheshouldbeonthehotairballoon,andyoushouldrideuponhorseback.哦等等她在热气球里你在马背上Oh.Wait.She'sintheballoon,yourideuponhorseback,你指向天空上面飞机写字”和我结婚吧Ann"youpointtothesky,upthere,skywriting,"Marryme,Ann.”我觉得我能想到问她的合适方式IthinkIcanfigureouttherightwaytoaskher.求婚的方式非常重要Howyouasksomeonetomarryyouisaverybigdeal.我是说他们会在余生一直重复这个故事Imean,theyhavetorepeatthatstoryfortherestoftheirlives.所以你觉得我该这么做了So,youthinkIshoulddoit,though.是是是是是Yeah,yeah,yeah,yeah,yeah.当然你能搞到5只鹰吗不10只Definitely.Canyougetfiveeagles?No,getteneagles.1.eslie-不你说得对是你的生活1.eslie.-No,you'reright.It'syourlife.想搞几只就搞几只Getasmanyeaglesasyouwant.所以Tom你今晚来对吧So,Tom,you'reinfortonight,right?我忘了告诉你我今晚募捐来不了了Iforgottotellyou.Ican'tmakeittothetelethontonight,因为我毫无兴趣becauseIhavenointerestinbeingthere.好吧你负责接待募捐的VIP特别嘉宾Okay.You'reinchargeoftheVIPspecialtelethonguest你不敢相信我请到了谁You'renevergoingtobelievewhoIgot.人们会抓狂的Peoplearegoingtofreakout.蕾哈娜-不Rihanna.-No.Dr.Oz-不是Dr.0z.-Nope.医生健康节目主持人你没办法猜到的-JUStinBieberYou'renevergoingtoguess.-JustinBieber.不原印第安纳步行者队小前锋DetlefSchrempfNo.Ex-IndianaPacerssmallforward,DetlefSchrempf那个DetlefSchrempf吗TheDetlefSchrempf?我知道所以真的很激动Iknow!So,it'sreallyexciting.我需要你做他的保镖AndIneedyoutobehisbody-man.晚上7点去机场接他Pickhimupattheairportat7:00p.m.然后你知道招待他就行Andthen,youknow,justentertainhim.因为他2点前都不需要去发型化妆室Becausehedoesn'tneedtobeinhairandmakeupuntil2:00a.m.Pawnee有线有发型化妆家吗DoesPawneeCableAccessevenhavehairandmakeup?呃他们有一根公用口红和一盒梳子Well,theyhaveacommunallipstickandaboxofcombs.下午5:32作为一个护士和你的朋友Asanurseandasyourfriend,我强烈建议你接下来24小时不要熬夜Ihighlysuggestyoudon'ttrytostayupforthenext24hours.我完全能做到Icandefinitelydoit我已经24小时没睡了但我有个秘密武器vealreadybeenupfor24hours.ButIhaveasecretweapon.NutriYum能量棒吗LeslieNutriYumbars?Leslie.我知道我知道它们不好Iknow,Iknow.They'reterrible.但它们能给我带来15分钟的疯狂小宇宙爆发Buttheygivemeaninsane15-minuteburst.此外我奶奶以前常说Plus,mynanausedtotellme,”死后必会长眠”"You'llsleepwhenyou'redead."我奶奶以前说过的话都是最好的Mynana,sheusedtosaythebeststuff.”不要为琐事烦恼”"Don'tworkyourselfintoalather."”去它在的地方就能找到它”"Lookwhereitisandyou'llfindit.""别把我送进养老院”"Don'tputmeinahome."”说真话令魔鬼蒙羞”"Tellthetruthandshamethedevil.,"魔鬼知你藏身何处""Thedevilknowswhereyou'rehiding."”与魔鬼同行就会被掌舵”"Ifyoutakeenoughrideswiththedevil,prettysoon,he'sgoingtodrive."她真的很喜欢说魔鬼Shewasreallyintothedevil.最近没跟你聊了Ihavenotcheckedinwithyoulately.我就随机地随便地问问mrandomlyandcasuallyasking.跟Mark情况如何了HowarethingsgoingwithMark?情况挺好的Thingsaregood.你觉得他就是那个命定之人吗Doyouthinkhe'stheone?命定之人我不知道可能吧Theone?Idon'tknow.Maybe.好Good.我来了要我♥干♥什么mhere.WhatdoIhavetodo?我安排你早4点到6点接听热♥线♥Ihaveyouonphone-answeringdutyfrom4:00to6:00a.m.这太可怕了我要睡觉That'shorrible.Ihavetonapup.如果我不睡到固定的五小时会伤害我开朗的性情的IfIdon'tgetasolidfive,itkillsmysunnydisposition.后排伸腿空间够吗Gotenoughlegroombackthere?够了够了你不用坐那么靠前Yeah.Yeah,youdon'thavetositsofarup.不我当然用所以著名的DetlefSchrempfYeah,Ido.So,DetlefSchrempf.三次NBA全明星两次第六人奖得主Three-timeNBAAll-Star,two-timeSixthManAwardwinner.和老中锋HerbWilliams交换去步行者队感觉应该挺不错吧ItmusthavebeenprettycooltobetradedtothePacersinexchangeforveterancenterHerbWilliams.所以你在维♥基♥百♥科♥上搜过我了是吧So,youlookedmeuponWikipedia,huh?不所有人都知道啊No.Everybodyknowsthat.就像所有人都知道你Justlikeeverybodyknowsyouappeared参演了两集德国肥皂剧intwoepisodesoftheGermansoapopera好时代坏时代GuteZeitenSchlechteZeiten.怎么你是那部剧的粉丝吗What,youabigfanofthatshow?超级粉丝Hugefan.哈哦2米08Huh?Oh,6,10".我1米69点五m5'6"andthreequarters.好的队员们你们激动吗Allright,team,youguyspsyched?记住了你们需要做的就是记下每个人的名字和地址Justremember,allyouneedtodoistakedowneverybody'snameandaddress然后问他们想要捐多少andaskthemhowmuchtheywanttodonate.嘿这些电♥话♥能打出去吗Hey,dothesephonesdialout?能怎么Yes.Why?没啥-Leslie你知道吗Noreason.-Leslie,youknowwhat?我的电♥话♥有25条线我觉得好像是个总机Myphonehas25lines.Ithinkitmightbeaswitchboard.恭喜你了你线路最多Congratulations,then.Yougotthemostlines.自己弄明白JeITyFigureitout,Jerry.拜托JerryComeon,Jerry.其他人都只有一条线的Everyoneelsehasoneline.哦所以Leslie我听说你今年要出镜啊Oh!So,Leslie,Ihearyou,regoingtobeinfrontofthecamerathisyear.是的挺激动的-别闲聊Yeah.It'sexciting.-Cutthechatter.通宵节目主持Tele-hosting?没有看上去那么简单好吧这不是有线台Notaseasyasitlooks.Okay?Thisisn'tC-SPAN.这是地方电视台46频道ThisisLocalAccess46.别搞砸Don'tblowit.晚上好欢迎来到第十届Pawnee关心年度糖尿病募捐节目GoodeveningandwelcometothetenthannualPawneeCaresDiabetesTelethon.我是今日Pawnee的JoanCallamezzomPawneeToday'sJoanCallamezzo.尼克松水门事件中的著名否认言论而我”不是个骗干”AndIamnotacrook.不他不是No,he,snot.现在几点我已经累了Whattimeisit?mtiredalready.现在8:03你的值班6小时之后才开始It's8:03.Yourshiftdoesn'tstartforanothersixhours.糖尿病呸Diabetes.Yuck.今晚我们希望Pawnee的人们伸出自己丰满的大手Tonight,we'rehopingthepeopleofPawneedigtheirbig,chubbyhands伸进大号♥的口袋里慷慨捐赠intotheirplus-sizepocketsanddonategenerously.特别古怪的东西Weird,wackystuff.停下Stopit.接下来一段非常特别的视频展示标题是Comingup,averyspecialvideopresentationcalled连我的舌头都是胖的:Pawnee的故事EvenmyTongueisFat:TheStoryofPawnee.但现在作为开场我们用一首歌♥开始募捐节目Butrightnow,tobeginwith,let'sstartthingsoffinourtelethonwithasong.来自Pawnee最可预约的名人DeniseYermleyFromPawnee'smostbookablepersonality,DeniseYermley!*甜蜜的梦由此组成*Sweetdreamsaremadeofthis没人在乎你好你好这边就在上面Noonecares.Hello,hello.Herewego.Rightupthere.你好你好早上好Hello?Hey,there.Goodmorning.下一个是谁Who,snext?我感觉很好一切运转顺利1feelgreat.Everythingisrunningsmoothly.*有人想利用你*Someofthemwanttouseyou*有人想.*Someofthemwant.笔记板嘴笔记板嘴Clipboardmouth.Clipboardmouth.这些NutriYum棒里有种秘密成分让我感觉特别好There'ssomesecretingredientintheseNutriYumbarsthatmakesmefeelsogood.就是糖是一大块糖Sugar.It,sablockofsugar.凌晨1:441.eslieLeslie1.eslie?Leslie.老虎Tigers.嘿你让我1:45叫你起来的-是Hey,youtoldmetowakeyouupat1:45.-Yep.现在1:45了-我起来了It's1:45now.-mup.我得恢复状态我的时段要开始了Ineedtopullittogether.Myslotiscomingup.嘿你继续之前我能跟你说件事吗Hey,beforeyougoon,canIjusttalktoyouaboutsomething?等等抱歉,Waitaminute.Sorry.是Tom他可能有个SChremPf问题It'sTom.HemayhaveaSchrempfproblem.好-你能理解的吧对吧Okay.-Youunderstandthat,right?理解接吧未未待续AnnIdo.Takeit.-T.B.continued,Ann.我保证我们待会儿聊Ipromise.We'lltalklater.好-行Yes.-Okay.嘿你好你在路上了吗Hey!Hi.Areyouonyourway?蛇洞酒吧太热闹了TheSnakeholeisbooming!人们爱死DetlefSchrempf了PeoplearelovingDetlefSchrempf.我都不知道专业运动员这么受欢迎Ihadnoideaprofessionalathletesweresopopular.那太棒了但你保证要带他过来的That'sawesome.Butyoupromisedtogethimhere.带他过来-别担心Gethimhere.-Don'tworry.我们准备走了好吧拜We'releavingsoon,allright?Bye!哦你们可不能走小汤这可是酒吧几个月来生意最好的时候Oh,youcan'tleave.Tommy,thisisthemostbusinesstheclub'sdoneinmonths.但我必须带他去募捐现场Butvegottogethimtothetelethon.他哪也不去He,snotgoinganywhere.凌晨1:52好吧哦天麻烦了Okay.Oh,God.Problem.Andy我知道跟你说你们要排在早上3点Andy,IknowItoldyouthatyouweregoingonat3:00a.m.在DetlefSchrempf采访和生涯回顾之后aftertheDetlefSchrempfinterviewandcareerretrospective,但你们现在就得上了butyou'regoingonnow.你们来开场-哇You'rekickingthingsoff.-Whoa!棒极头条啊Sweet.Headlining.是啊两点钟的有线电视播出Yeah.At2:00a.m.OnCableAccess.是啊我们走Yeah.Let'sgo.所以你俩发展怎么样了So,howarethingsgoingwithyoutwo?发展得真的很好They'regoingreallywell.我们准备结婚了我怀门也的孩子We'regoingtogetmarriedandmpregnantwithhischild.谢谢你JoanThankyou,Joan.有两种糖尿病但只有一种关怀方式Therearetwotypesofdiabetes,butonlyonetypeofcaring.第一种关怀TypeOnecaring.而今晚老天所愿我们都会被这样关怀Andtonight,Godwilling,wewillallbestrickenwiththat.接下来有很多有趣的东西There'salotoffunstuffcomingup.印第安纳步行者传说球员DetlefSchrempfIndianaPacerslegend,DetlefSchrempC稍后会在直播间加入我们willbejoiningusinthestudiolateron.但在此之前我想介绍Pawnee热门乐队之一上台Butuntilthen,IwouldliketointroduceoneofthehottestbandsinPawnee.女士们先生们欢迎老鼠耗子1.adiesandgentlemen,IgiveyouMouseRat.*我知道生活很疯狂*Iknowthatlifeiscrazy好吧好吧暂时有小问题但我们回到正轨了Well,okay.Slighthiccup.Butwe,rebackontrack.看到那个屏幕了吗Seethatboard?我值班结束的时候那个屏幕上会显示$20000Whenmyshiftisdone,thatboardisgoingtoread$20,000.Pawnee关怀热♥线♥PawneeCares.你好是的我想捐赠$50Hi.Yes,I'dliketodonate$50,please.嗯哼Leslie吗Mmm-hmm.Leslie?*你有性♥爱♥头发你从我这搞的妹子性♥爱♥头发*You'vegotsexhairYougotitfromme,girl.Sexhair天我们都没有捐款进来啊God,we'renotgettinganydonationscomingin.凌晨2:06我不想等人们来打给我们了mtiredofwaitingforpeopletocallus.我们打给他们吧所有人打给谁1.et'scallthem.Everybodycallsomebody.1.eslie现在是半夜1.eslie,it,sthemiddleofthenight.哦那很好啊他们都在家Wellthen,good.They'llbehome.Donna大笔捐款吗Donna,someonegood?不我在和我弟弟George聊天No,mtalkingtomybrother,George.你不该接私人电♥话♥的You'renotsupposedtoreceivepersonalphonecalls.哦是我打给他他在利比里亚探望我叔叔Oh,Icalledhim.He,sinLiberiavisitingmyuncle.他想知道迷失的剧情HewantstoknowwhathappenedonLost.哦感谢上天Oh,thankGod.给你-谢谢Hereyougo.-Thankyou.我不知道啊Ihavenoidea.你加了奶吗Didyouputcreaminthis?啊放了我搞砸了吗Uh,yeah.DidIscrewup?没事我可以喝No,Icandrinkit伙计们有人见到Tom了吗Guys,hasanyoneseenTom?晚上一起出来玩的终极名人我觉得应该是Theultimatecelebrity,Ithink,tohangoutwithforanightwouldbe著名魔术师CrissAngel你跟他正在聊天CrissAngel.You'dbetalkingtohim.然后他就变成一团火andthen,hewouldjustturnintofire.BrooksBrothers童装就是更修身而且更便宜BrooksBrothersBoysislike,thecutsareslimmerandit'scheaper.双赢Win-win.你跟谁聊过然后就会觉得Doyouevertalktosomeoneandyou,rejustlike,"哦我们会是最好的朋友”我现在就有这种感觉"Oh.We'regoingtobebestfriends"?mgettingthat,rightnow.他就喝了两瓶啤酒淡啤酒Hehadtwobeers.Lightbeers.我需要你写成这样Ineedyoutomakethatout,"致WendyTom是个太好的人"ToWendy.Tomisanamazingguy.”你就不应该离开他"YounevershouldhaveIefthim.“你犯了个严重的错误"Youmadeahugemistakeinyourlife,”你可能要孤独终老了爱你的Detlef"andyou'reprobablygoingtodiealone.Love,Detlef."你知道吗我觉得我们真应该去参加募捐了Doyouknowwhat,Ithinkweshouldbeheadingtothattelethon.是的我们当然马上就要去募捐Yes,wewilldefinitelygotothetelethonsoon.这首歌♥之后Afterthissong!SouljaBoyTelEm-TurnMySwagOn跳下床穿上我的型装HoppedupoutthebedTurnmyswagon照了下镜子说“咋滴”Tookalookinthemirror,said,"What'sup?"RonRon醒醒Ron醒醒是LeslieRon?Ron.Wakeup.Ron,wakeup.It'sLeslie.哦天哪你做噩梦了吗Oh,God!Wereyouhavingabaddream?不我遭遇了一种失调叫做“睡眠搏击”No.Isufferfromadisordercalledsleepfighting.那肯定很糟吧Thatmustbeterrible.只在我输的时候Onlywhenmlosing.你看我快崩溃r好吗1.OOk,I'mfreakingout,okay?Tom不在这DetIefSChremPf还在他那呢Tomisnothere,andhe,sgotDetlefSchrempf.我还有三个小时要安排AndIhavethreehourstofill.我相信你总有办法的msureyou'llfiguresomethingout.别继续睡了好吧我需要你起来Ron来啊Don'tgobacktosleep.Okay?Ineedyoutowakeup.Ron?Comeon.帮我Helpme.我在这只是因为我欠Leslie一千个人情IamonlyherebecauseIoweLeslieathousandfavors.我对慈善没啥兴趣mnotbigoncharities.授人以鱼你能喂他一天Giveamanafish,andyoufeedhimforaday.不授人以渔你能喂饱你自己Don'tteachamantofish,andyoufeedyourself.他是个成年人钓鱼没那么难He'sagrownman.Fishingisnotthathard.好了刚刚是加拿大的国歌♥Okay,thatwasthenationalanthemofCanada.现在我要看看我一个D和♥弦♥能按多久Andnow,mgoingtoseehowlongIcanholdaDchord.APril你能联♥系♥几个娱乐中心老师April,willyoucallsomeoftheRecCenterteachers看看他们想不想过来展示下特殊技能吗andseeiftheywanttocomedownandshowofftheirspecialskills?好点头说好Yes.Nodyourheadyes.我能变魔术啊Icandomagic.来个鸡蛋吗我的夫人Egg,mylady?Jerry这又恶心又虚假)erry,that'sdisgustingandfake!哦天哪是真的上去表演啊Oh,myGod.It'sreal.Goupthereanddothat.蛋被你打破了Youbrokemyegg.你没有第二个蛋吗Youdon,thaveasecondegg?不但我钢琴弹得很好No,butmaverygoodpianoplayer.我很乐意上去试试dbehappytogoupthereandgiveitashot.你为啥要浪费我的时间啊Whyareyouwastingmytime?现在情况很严重Thisisreallyserious!你去盯着TOm我来搞定YougokeepyoureyeoutforTom.vegotthiscovered.RonSwanson藤椅编制专家在给旧椅子重新编藤时Whenre-caninganoldchair,需要保证所有的元素都在正确的位置oneneedstomakesurethatonehasalltherightelementsinplace.上面下面Over.Under.你猜对了上面Andyouguessedit.Over.天他居然在损失钱God,he'sactuallylosingmoney.上下这把椅子几乎在自己编藤Over.Under.Thischairisalmostcaningitself.凌晨4:04不先生如果你想要捐款的话你得是哦No.Sir,ifyouwanttomakeadonation,youhaveto.yeah.那听起来挺酷的Thatsoundsreallycool.你听起来挺酷的你听起来挺强壮Yousoundcool.Yousoundreallystrong.嘿要不你把捐款抛到一边Hey,whydon'tyouforgetaboutthedonation到这边来见我吧andjustcomedownhereandmeetmeinperson.什么啊What?哦我的天哪你也太有趣了Oh,myGod.You'resofunny.你好有趣拜You'refunny.Bye.嘿-嘿Hey.-Hey.聊的是个有趣的女孩子吗Funnygirlyouweretalkingto?当你准备报税的时候.Whenitcomestopreparingtaxes.我的天这简直是灾难Oh,myGod.Thisisadisaster.唯一需要“税"服自己的是买♥♥什么样的软件Theonlythingthat'staxingisdecidingwhichsoftwaretobuy.我完蛋了Iamcompletelyscrewed.我没有SChremPf没有后备计划没有NUtTiYUm能量棒IhavenoSchrempCnobackupplan,nomoreNutriYumbars.人们想看啥啊可爱动物骑车吗Whatdopeoplewanttowatch?Cuteanimalsonabike?没时间训练了帅哥辣妹打瞰Notimetotrainone.Hotpeoplekissing?我不知道或者Mark和Ann可以Idon'tknow.MaybeMarkandAnnwould.你见过这个男