ParksandRecreation《公园与游憩（2009）》第五季第四集完整中英文对照剧本.docx

Haverford先生在你车祸的当天早上Mr.Haverford,onthemorningofyourcrash你是一个人在车里吗-是的wereyoualoneinyourcar?-Yes.法官大人这是一场意外YourHonor,thiswasanaccident.显而易见我不想把台词喂您嘴里但是.Plainandsimple.Idon'twanttoputwordsinyourmouthbut.本案拒绝受理casedismissed.而你当时在发短♥信♥对吧Andyouweretextingatthetime,correct?你怎么敢先生Howdareyou,sir?我在发推Iwastweeting.请读下证物CPlease,readExhibitC,你的推特副本就在接下来的车祸之前的thetranscriptofyourTwitterpageleadingtotheimmediatellyfollowingcrash."9:15连续四个绿灯#上帝保佑#""9:15.Fourgreenlightsinarow.#blessed""9:17开快点啊蓝色思域该死iiiiii#足球妈妈#""9:17.Drivefaster,blueCivic.Daaaaaamn.#soccermoms""9:18得超过这位女士ejkerkj""9:18.Gottapassthisladyonthe'ejkerkj,."那是我撞上消防栓的时候That'swhenIhitthefirehydrant.抱歉"据说撞上消防栓的时候Sorry,allegedlyhitthefirehydrant."9:20刚刚撞上消防栓了但我活下来了"9:20.Justhitafirehydrant,butIsurvived.电影不死劫主角名叫Mr.Glass“#不死劫#*unbreakable.”#玻璃先生最近怎样了#"#WhatsMrGlassuptothesedays?"#咋没拍续集#whynosequel?"举证完毕法官大人Prosecutionrests,YourHonor.Haverford先生你的问题是开车时眼睛不看路Mr.Haverford,youhaveaproblemkeepingyoureyesontheroad而看着你的电了设备andoffyourelectronicdevices.我要拟定一个符合罪名的惩罚mgoingtotailorapunishmenttofitthecrime.一周禁止使用屏幕Oneweekwithoutscreens.包括手♥机♥平板电脑电视-一切东西Nophone,tablets,computers,television-anything.不拜托了把我扔进监狱吧No!Please,sendmetojail!只要有疏忽一周变成一个月Anyslipups,andthatweekbecomesamonth.请交上你的手♥机♥Turninyourphone,please.好吧最后一条推吗Fine.Onelasttweet?法警Bailiff!按-按发送键啊法警按发送Pr-presssend,bailiff!Presssend!公园与游憩公园与游憩第5季第4集第5季第4集你好呀Howdy.嘿这身打扮怎么回事啊Hey!Whafswiththeget-up?我刚刚和Ricky从那个哥们牧场回来1justgotbackfromthatDudeRanchwithRicky.真的很好玩他送了我这个作为礼物Itwasreallyfun.Heboughtthisformeasagift.一顶来自你牛靓仔的牛仔帽Acowboyhatfromyourcowboyfriend.哦听起来像是他是头牛崽Oh,thatmakesitsoundlikehe,sacow.来自你的牛仔靓仔你的牛仔靓Fromyourcowboyboyfriend.Yourboycow-cowboy.叫他"RiCky”就好-好吧行Justcallhim"Ricky."-Okay,great.好了各位Okay,everyone.好消息一大堆老年人感染了衣原体Greatnews:Lotsofoldpeoplehavechlamydia.呜Whoo!Pawnee的老年人有很多空闲时间SeniorsinPawneehavealotoftimeontheirhands,而他们用这些时间做的andwhatthey'redoingwiththattime就是埋头苦“干“老当益壮isgoingatithard,oldpeople-style.他们中有很多没有正规的性教育Alotofthemhaven'thadpropersexeducation,结果性病就开始春游了andasaresult,STDsarehavingafieldday.真的很厉害这一小撮老家伙It'samazingwhatafewoldguyscando能用一点点魅力和一大堆阴虱做出啥来withalittlebitofcharmandalotofcrabs.好了性♥爱♥复仇者们Okay,sexavengers,这些老顽固们的积习非常难改theseoldfogiesareverysetintheirways.他们全部磕上了抗勃起障碍药而又没啥顾虑了They'rehoppeduponE.D.medicationandtheygotnothingtolose,因为反IE也都快死掉了'causethey'reclosetodeath.此夕卜老年人们也都挺爱发火的Also,seniorscanbeprettyornery.呃实际上我觉得你说的应该是“发♥情♥"吧Uh,actually,Ithinkit'spronounced"horny."我有个主意我们假装是老年人Ihaveanidea.Let'spretendthatwe'reoldpeople,而我们可以问Ann我们最恶心最变♥态♥的性问题andwecanaskAnnourgrossest,mostpervertedsexquestions.我先开始我是个老太太了我还需要个啥避孕呢llstart.manoldlady,whydoIneedbirthcontrol?约翰逊1963-1969年就任总统我从约翰逊当总统时就没月经了1haven'thadmymonthlysinceLBJwaspresident.嗯对老年人而言我们不会那么担心怀孕问题Well,withtheelderly,Wearenotsoconcernedwithpregnancy.我们更担心的是疾病We'remoreconcernedwithdisease.阴毛变老之后会长长吗Dopubichairsgetlongertheolderyouget?我不觉得不会Idon'tthinkso,no.因为我就是这样Becausethat,shappeningtome.我该怎么做啊WhatshouldIdo?我哪里能搞到能吃的润滑液啊WherecanIgetlubethatishealthytoeat?我自己开电动轮椅轧到蛋了Iranovermytesticleswithmyjazzyscooter.我觉得你很可以小护士Ithinkyou'regoodtogo,nursey.我想跳上那个小火车呜呜Iwanttojumponthatcaboose.Choochoo!你永远不该喝润滑液Youshouldnevereatlube,而你需要马上看医生youneedtoseeadoctorimmediately,还有我很抱歉先生但上我这趟车需要40岁以下andmsorry,sir,butyouhavetobeunder40toridethistrain.哦就该这么干啊孩子们Oh!Thatshowyoudoit,kids.棒Nice."LeRonJames"我们还约早饭吗"LeRonJames."Westillonforbreakfast?你上班迟到了一个半小时Youareanhourandahalflateforwork.是啊抱歉我用不了GPSYeah.Sorry.Ican'tusemyGPS,但我搞明白了butIfigureditout.我就开车兜圈直到我看到认识的东西IjustdrovearoundincirclesuntilIsawsomethingfamiliar.你上班也就五公里啊Youlive3milesfromhere.5.47我的GPS是这么说的3.4,accordingtomyGPS,我曾经每天用的那个whichIusedtouseeveryday.禁止使用我一周不能用屏幕了Ican'tusescreensforaweek.没啥大不了的我在适应呢Bigdeal!madapting.我做了一个现实版的Pinterest板Ibuiltareal-lifePinterestboard.我真心希望那些是能点的Ireallywishyoucouldclickthose.哇他来了巴拉克奥巴马Wow,thereheis,BarackObama.他的名字是DaVidMurray议员HisnameiscongressmanDavidMurray,他是我们的老板而且他是白人heisourbossandheiswhite.别丢我的脸Don'tembarrassme.Murray议员我是BenWyattCongressmanMurray,mBenWyatt,特区总参谋部的协同主任coordinatingdirectorofD.C.Operations.百货战警的主角PaulBlart而我是AprilBlart百货战警AndIamAprilBlart,mallcop.棒很高兴终于见到你BenGreat!It'sapleasuretofinallymeetyou,Ben.听到很多好话Heardsuchgreatthings.哦嗯我真心感觉我已经认识你了Oh,well,IreallyfeellikeIknowyoualready.我看过你所有的演讲和辩论I'vewatchedallofyourspeechesanddebates.很鼓舞人心It'sveryinspiring.感谢你BenThankyou,Ben.也感谢你们所有人的辛劳付出Andthankyouallforyourhardwork.现在保持冷静吧今天外面很热呢Now,staycool.It'sahotoneouttheretoday.确实是啊That'sright,你几乎能在人行道上煎蛋了youcouldpracticallycookaneggonthesidewalk.太好了Terrific.好的我们来确认我们已经准备好明天的策略会议了Okay,Iefsmakesurewe'rereadyforthestrategysessiontomorrow.好-好吗Okay.-Okay?嘿我们还是按计划暗♥杀♥他对吧Hey,we'restillgonnaassassinatehim,right?别那么说-BenDon'tsaythat.-Ben!他到底在干嘛啊Whatthehellishedoing?大家好所有人能听清我讲话吗Hello,caneveryonehearmeokay?老年人与安全性♥爱♥保护你的黄金年代听不清No.好的很棒我是市议员LeslieKnopeOkay,great.mcouncilwomanLeslieKnope,今天我们要讨论安全性生活andtodayweareheretotalkaboutsafesex.我知道这是个私人问题Iknowthisisapersonalquestion,但你们中有多少人是性活跃状态buthowmanyofyououttherearesexuallyactive?哦天Oh,my.我有两个伴侣经常是同时一起Ihavetwopartners,oftenatthesametime.哇谢谢您了Wow.Thankyou.有谁知道无防护措施性♥爰♥的风险是什么吗Doesanyoneknowwhatweriskwhenwehaveunprotectedsex?心脏病发作陷入爱情Heartattack.-Fallinginlove.伴侣在你身上死掉了Partnerdiesontopofyou!是的但事实是Yes,butthetruthis,你们会面对的最大风险是性传播疾病thegreatestriskyoufaceissexuallytransmitteddiseases.这些老人真的在互相做♥爱♥吗Aretheseoldpeoplereallyhavingsexwitheachother?是啊你觉得他们在干嘛Yeah,what,dyouthinktheyweredoing?我不知道啊我觉得我们就是在讲这个事而已啊Idon'tknow,Ithoughtwewerejusttalkingaboutit.哦Oh!而最好的防范方式就是使用保护措施Andthebestwaytopreventthemistouseprotection.嗯这么说都挺好Well,that,sallfineandgood,但如果香蕉乂软又糊butwhatifthebananaissoftandmushy,而且向左边急转弯得很厉害呢anddoglegssharplytotheleft?哦天啊JeiTy检查邮箱的时候Oh,myGod,Jerry,whenyoucheckyouremail,你居然上Altavista然后打出"请带我去"吗yougotoAltavistaandtype"P?"嗯我还能怎么做啊Well,howelsewouldIdoit?你没有把邮箱加入收藏夹吗Youdon'thaveyouremailbookmarked?你用收藏夹吗Doyouhaveanybookmarks?收藏夹是啥What,sbookmarks?天啊Jerry你根本不配用互联网God,Jerry!Youdon'tdeservetheInternet!我要疯掉了Ronmgoingcrazy,Ron!没有屏幕的生活毫无意义1.ifewithoutscreensispointless.我用纸做了个iPhone但完全不一样ImadeaniPhoneoutofpaper.It'snotthesame,though.这是个疯子的作品Thisistheworkofalunatic.你需要戒毒Youneedtodetox.明天我们去我的林中小屋Tomorrow,we'llgotomycabininthewoods.它离人类文明太远了It,ssofarawayfromcivilization,电力公♥司♥甚至没意识到那里有栋建筑theelectriccompanyisnotevenawarethere'sastructurethere.谢了RonThanks,Ron.还有嘿你下班后能带我问家吗Andhey,canyougivemearideafterwork?我没可能找到回家的路的There'snochanceIcanfindmywayhome.如果面临这种情景Ifyouencounterthisscenario,即按这种方式处理simplyexecutethefollowingmaneuver.然后停下Andstop!干的很好信息充分Greatjob,andveryinformative,但我们现在需要就此停止而R假装一切从没发生过butweneedtostopnowforeverandpretendlikethisneverhappened.为什么发生什么了Why?Whathappening?哦天Oh,boy.Marcia和MarshallLangman是这个镇的道德守门人MarciaandMarshallLangmanarethetown,smoralitywatchdogs.Marcia很积极善于算计警惕性极高Marciaismotivated,calculating,andhyper-vigilant,而她的丈夫Marshall就andherhusband,Marshall,is.很活泼vivacious.这些这里发生的这些是被禁止的This,that'shappeninghere,isnotallowed!我们家庭价值坚实基金会的成员反对这些教育中的淫秽内容WeattheSocietyforFamilyStabilityFoundationobjecttothissmutbeingtaught.这和Pawnee仅限禁欲的性教育法规相悖It'sagainstPawnee'sabstinence-onlysexeducationlaw.那只是学校里啊That'sonlyforschools.实际上不是那条法案的起草方式禁止任何政♥府♥职员Actually,it'snot.Thewaythebillisdraftedprohibitsanygovernmentemployee在全市范围内教育禁欲之外的方式fromteachinganythingbutabstinence,city-wide.谢谢你ChriS-不用谢Thankyou,Chris.-You'rewelcome.如果我们允许对老年人教育这些污秽Ifweallowthisfilthtobetaughttoourseniors,不久之后这就会出现在我们的高中thenextyouthingyouknow,it'llbeinourhighschools,然后我们的幼儿园不知不觉thenourkindergartens,andbeforeyouknowit,我们就会有穿着丁字裤内衣的宝宝了Wehavebabiesinthongunderwear.那就是你想要的吗Isthatwhatyouwant?是的那就是我要的Yes,that'swhatIwant.女士们先生们这场粗俗的性♥爱♥秀已经结束了1.adiesandgentlemen,thisvulgarsexshowisover.请忘记这位讨厌的女人教给你们的一切Pleaseforgeteverythingthishorriblewomanhastoldyou.这还没结束这还远远没有结束Itisnotover.Itisfarfromover.Andy把我们的香蕉收起来Andy,packupourbananas!这个想法也太棒了Thisisagreatidea.新鲜空气没有屏幕Freshair,noscreens.我也开始很擅长砍柴了mgettingreallygoodatchoppingwoodtoo.你是个合格的伐木巨人You'rearegularPaulBunyan.嗷我挨木头扎了0w!Igotstungbythewood!哦不是个小尖刺Oh,no,it'sasplinter.我现在需要上在线问诊IneedtogetonwebMDnow!我需要一台iPhone或者三星GalaxyIneedaiPhoneoraSamsungGalaxy,有个4G的玩艺儿somethingwith4G.没空用2G网络TThere'snotimefortheedgenetwork.你在干什么啊啥哇-哇-哇Whatareyoudoing?Wha-?W-w-waa!搞定Gotit.我还是觉得我们得找台电脑IstillthinkweshouldfindacomputerGoogle一下”杀菌技术”andGoogle"sterilizationtechniques."是啊我有个新主意了Yeah,Ihaveanewidea.你需要从你的系统里清除所有这些垃圾Youneedtopurgeallofthisgarbagefromyoursystem.聊一下你在那些屏幕里做过的所有事情Talkaboutallthethingsyoudoonthosescreens,然后让词语在新鲜空气中飘走andletthewordsjustfloatawayintothefreshair,然后我们就解决了好吧值得一试andthenwewillbedone.-Okay,worthashot.每天我都是从FacebookTwittertumblr和Instagram开始的EverydayIstartbyhittingupFacebook,Twitter,tumbleandInstagram.有时我也上点LinkedInSometimesIliketothrowinLinkedIn,为了那些专业美人儿fortheprofessionalshorties.你看挺简单的吗See?Thatwaseasy.然后我喜欢上RedditThenIliketogoonreddit.Reddit挺棒的因为它有你需要的所有重要链接Reddit'sgreat,'causeithasalltheimportantlinksyouneed.新衬衫吗-是啊Newshirt?-Yeah.我和我男朋友在哥们牧场买♥♥到的IgotitattheDudeRanchwithmyboyfriend.你喜欢吗-这不是我最喜欢的衬衫Youlikeit?-It'snotmyfavoriteshirt,但它是我最不喜欢的衬衫butitismyleastfavoriteshirtPerd我们坚定相信教育和实践禁欲Perd,westronglybelieveinteachingandpracticingabstinence.我们时不时总有些疯狂的渴望Weallhavesomecrazyurgesfromtimetotime,但你就不能直接按它们行事butyoujustcan'tactonthem.你必须把它们深深地埋起来Youhavetoburythemwaydowndeepinside.你必须说“滚出去吧你们这些疯狂的渴望Youhavetosay,Getoutofhere,youcrazyurges!你们在我这个脑袋里不受欢迎”Youarenotwelcomeinthisbrainofmine!"我现在想和你们分享一些统计数据Therearesomestatisticsthatdliketosharewithyounow,而它们是数字andtheyarenumbers.Pawnee人支持禁欲教育吗支持不支持不在乎Perd票选一些85%的Pawnee居民Some85%OfPawneeresidents支持仅限禁欲的教育方式supportabstinence-onlyeducation.而其他15%都是色狼Andtheother15%areperverts.开玩笑的J.K.,youguys.而100%的Pawnee人都是"Perd狼”And100%OfPawneeansare,'perd-verts."这是我对本节目粉丝的称呼That'sthenameIcallfansofthisshow基于我的名字叫做Perd这个事实basedonthefactthatmynameisPerd.我们广♥告♥之后见"Perd狼"们We'llseeyouafterthebreak,perd-verts.听着我们来场紧急特遣队会议1.ook,weneedanemergencytaskforcemeeting.我们怎么做Whatdowedo?客观研究表明仅禁欲的性教育行不通Objectivestudieshaveshownthatabstinence-onlyeducationdoesn'twork.人们还是会做♥爱♥Peoplestillhavesex.他们不知道如何使用保护措施Theydon'tknowhowtouseprotection,所以疾病会一直传播sothediseasekeepsspreading.我们需要给人们实用的知识Weneedtogivepeoplepracticalknowledge.AnnPerkins你的专业知识令人兴奋而且实话说几乎是性唤起了AnnPerkins,yourexpertiseisthrilling,andfrankly,almostarousing,但法律就是法律butthelawisthelaw.嗯你现在是市议会成员了Well,you'reoncitycouncilnow.改变法律啊可人们支持这样Changethelaw.-Thepeoplesupportthis.我即使想也打败不了那些调查数字Icouldn'tfightthosenumbersevenifIwantedto.这是政♥治♥自杀It'spoliticalsuicide.所以我们就要做那一件我们知道行不通的事情吗Sowe'rejustgonnadothethingweknowdoesn'twork?计划不错没有其他选择了AnnGreatplan.-There,snootheroption,Ann.把你的性玩具收起来Putawayyoursextoys业余时间自己玩吧andplaywiththemonyourowntime.我确实吃掉了所有的香蕉Idideatallthebananas,所以那些你就不能玩了soyoucan'tplaywiththose.哦嘿工作研究做得不错Oh,hey,niceworkonthejobsresearch.嘘你看Shh!Look.我看的是啥他什么也没做啊WhatamIlookingat?He'snotdoinganything.这就是问题啊That'sthepoint.今早他进来坐在那里Thismorninghegotin,satdowninthere,然后就一直盯着前方什么都没做andhasbeenstaringstraightahead,doingnothing.他是个机器人-他不是机器人He'sarobot.-He,snotarobot.他只是在思考他要想很多问题呢He,sjustthinking.He'sgotalotonhismind.是啊比如“1101必须吃婴儿作为燃料”Yeah,like,"One,one,zero,one.Musteatbabiesforfuel."为什么一个机器人需要摄入有机物质呢Whywouldarobotneedtoconsumeorganicmatter?对不起Sorry.你知道吗他们可能放了台电视在里面Youknowwhat,theyprobablyputaTVinthere,而他在看以前的演讲来温习还是怎样andhe,swatchingoldspeechestoboneuporsomething.我们去看看1.et'sgosee.议员先生Congressman,这是我们待会儿战略会议的简报袋hereisthebriefingpacketforourstrategymeetinglater.非常好谢谢你Excellent,thankyou.还有什么我能做的事情吗Anythingelse1candoforyou?没有了先生系统运转一切正常No,sir.Allsystemsareoperational.很好保持冷静吧今天外面很热呢Great.Staycool.Hotoneouttheretoday.谢谢你议员先生Thankyou,congressman.Wikipedia人类最伟大的发明Wikipedia:Mankind'sgreatestinvention.你可以了解一切东西youcanlearnaboutanything.比如说RayJTakeRayJ,forexample.我们都知道他是个歌♥手他是R&B天后Brandy的弟弟Weallknowhe'sasinger,he'sBrandy,sbrother,而他还在那段和金卡戴珊的经典性♥爰♥录像带里andhewasinthatclassicsextapewithKimKardashian,但你还知道他也是SnoopDogg的表弟butdidyoualsoknowhe'sSnoopDogg'scousin而且还出演了96年TimBurton的电影火星人玩转地球吗andhewasinthe'96TimBurtonmovieMarsAttacks?突然你就上了火星人玩转地球的页面了Suddenly,you'reontheMarsAttackspage.我爱GoogleChat你可以和任何人聊天IloveGChat.Youcantalktoanybody.我加了个BradTitt不是那个演员IhitupBrad.Pitt.Itwasn'ttheactor.实际上是个叫Brad的哥们在Pittsburgh教书It,sactuallyaguynamedBradthat'sateacherinPittsburgh.我们没有太多共同点但我们聊了不少Wedon'thavealotincommon,butwechatquiteabit."Emoji”就是用小卡♥通&hearts潜代文字的东西"Emoji"arelittlecartoonsyoutextinsteadofwords.不用说“怎么啦宝”Insteadofsaying,"Whatup,boo?"而你可以打"怎么啦"然后一个可爱的小鬼Youcantype"Whatup,"andthenacute,littleghost,因为那个的意思就是“宝"'causethatmeans"boo."甚至还有个小印度版的There'sevenalittleIndianguy,但他戴着个头巾我觉得那是种族歧视buthehasaturbanon,whichIthinkisracist,但那个亚洲版的也有个种族歧视的帽子戴着buttheAsianguyalsohasaracisthaton,然后就是"等等andit'slike,"Holdup,这玩意儿不是日本人发明的吗”didn'tJapanesepeopleinventthis?"播客有上百万个Podcasts.Thereareamillionof'em,而它们都很精彩andthey*reallamazing.Jean-Ralphio和我有一个叫做”数一薯二的播客”Jean-RaIphioandIhaveonecalled"Nachoaveragepodcast/'我们为不同种类的薯片打分whereweratedifferentkindsofnachos.感觉就像好了够了Itseemslike-Okay,that,senough!别讲话了Nomoretalking.但你跟我说从系统里清除所有垃圾呢Butyoutoldmetogetitalloutofmysystem.我没想到你的系统里的垃圾有这么多Ihadnoideahowmuchyouhadinyoursystem.这是个实实在在的问题TomThisisarealproblem,Tom.你已经成瘾了你需要改变Youareanaddictandyouneedtochange.我下载每一集的成瘾干预vedownloadedeveryepisodeOfIntervention.我知道这里该怎么做Iknowwhattodohere.你是对的You'reright.我已经成瘾了Iamanaddict.我的上瘾已经伤害了所有的朋友和家人I'vehurtallmyfriendsandfamilywithmyaddiction.我会接受这份改造的礼物Iwillacceptthisgiftofrehabilitation.我为你骄傲mproudofyou,但也有点害怕我们已经来到我称作“感觉领蟆'的边缘butalsoabitfearfulthatwe'revergingonwhatIcall"feelingsterritory,"所以我们就在沉默中盯着火焰好了solet'sstareatthefireinsilence.我有突破了啊Ronvehadabreakthrough,Ron.你觉得如何我们再砍点柴Whatdoyousayyouchopupsomemorewood,然后我开你的车给我们买♥♥点胜利牛排andlltakeyourcarandgograbussomevictorysteaks?完美Perfect.我太高兴你恢复理智了msogladyou'vecometoyoursenses.这是我们的教育小册子Here,soureducationalpamphlet.我推荐你从第三章开始读Irecommendyoustartreadingatchapterthree.”第三章"Chapterthree.