ParksandRecreation《公园与游憩（2009）》第五季第十七集完整中英文对照剧本.docx

我想找RonaldUlyssesSwansonmlookingforRonaldUlyssesSwanson?他出去了我能捎个信给他吗Hesteppedout.CanItakeamessage?当然告诉他刚刚赢得了St.Elmo牛排馆的免费晚餐Sure.TellhimhejustwonafreedinnerfromSt.Elmosteakhouse.我就是RonSwansonmRonSwanson!你收到了传票祝你今天愉快You'vebeenserved.Haveaniceday.我不喜欢你1don'tlikeyou.但我尊重你的努力ButIrespecttheeffort.哦天传票吗Oh,man,subpoena?是哪个前妻Tammy一号♥还是Tammy二号♥Whichex-wifeisit,TammyoneorTammytwo?都不是Neither.显然JeremyJamm议员不开心ApparentlycouncilmanJeremyJammisnotpleased因为我在Leslie婚礼那晚给了他脸一拳thatIpunchedhiminthefaceonthenightofLeslie'swedding.他要告我He,ssuingme.$13000的牙齿矫正手术费用$13,000fororthodonticsurgery,$6000的法琅质修复费用$6,000forenamelrepair,还有四千六百万的精神损失费and$46millionforpsychologicaldamages.是啊这个数字听起来差不多Yeah,thatseemsaboutaccurate.那家伙真的是最烂的Thatguyistheworst.我们应该告Jamm的父母因为生了这么坨人类屎汉堡出来WeshouldsueJamm'sparentsforspawningahumanturdburger.Ron嘿让我做你的律师Ron,hey,letmebeyourlawyer.我会反对任何人说的所有事情llobjecttoeverythinganyonesays,审讯一直结束不了你就不用付钱了trialwillgoonforever,youdon'thavetopay.问题解决Problemsolved.很善良的提议AndrewThat'sakindoffer,Andrew,但我不会雇律师的butIwon'tbehiringanattorney.我会代表自己llrepresentmyself,就像在所有法律事务和牲畜拍卖♥♥中一样asIdoinalllegalmattersandlivestockauctions.我希望我们能有四千六百万Iwishwehad$46million.我们可以买♥♥下我父母的房♥子然后把他们驱逐出去Wecouldbuymyparents'houseandevictthem.很意外他对此反应这么正常Surprisedhe'stakingitthiswell.啊Aghh!April能拜托联♥系♥一下维修部门吗April,couldyoucallmaintenanceplease?公园与游憩公园与游憩第5季第17集第5季第17集好的向左边移♥动♥一点点Okay,movealittlebittoyourleft然后转过身来andthenturntotheside.好的保持不动Okay,andfreeze.就是在这个位置Thatistheexactspot一个18岁的BenWyatt举♥行♥了就职典礼wherean18-year-oldBenWyattwasinaugurated成为明尼苏达州鹏鸽城的市长asmayorofPartridge,Minnesota.哦嗯非常感谢是的也祝贺你Oh,well,thankyouverymuch.Yes,congratulationstoyou.我也不知道-我起鸡皮疙瘩了1don'tknow.-1havechills.不敢相信他们终于要把城市钥匙给我了Can'tbelievethey'refinallygivingmethekeytothecity.不敢相信居然花了这么久Ican'tbelieveittooksolong.镇历史上的每一任市长他们都给了钥匙Theygavethekeytoeveryothermayorinthetown'shistory,而我保证他们之中没有人有你这么可爱的屁♥股♥andIguaranteethatnoneofthemhadascuteabuttasyoudo.也没有人让这个城市的失业率飙升到30%啊Andnoneofthemcausedthecity,sunemploymentratetohit30%.你讨论百分比的时候真的好性感You'resosexywhenyoutalkaboutpercentages.Ben任市.长的时候他把镇上所有的钱WhenBenwasmayor,hesunkallofthetown'smoney拿来开了一家冬季体育场叫做“冰城”intoawintersportscomplexcalled"IceTown,"然后他们就破产了andtheywentbankrupt.现在他们出于友好的姿态邀请他回来Nowthey'veinvitedhimbackasagestureofgoodwill,而他终于能让人生中的这个悲惨章节有个结局了andhe'llfinallygetsomeclosureonthismiserablechapterinhislife.耶BenYay,Ben!小镇英雄Townhero!是的-呜Yes!-Whoo!哎呀这不是被告人RonSwan衰吗Well,ifitisn'tthedefendant,RonSwansuck.你为啥要这么做JammWhyareyoudoingthis,Jamm?星际传奇ChroniclesofRiddick这场官司简直是星际扯淡ThislawsuitisChroniclesofRiddick-ulous.我告诉你为啥lltellyouwhy.因为我受够了你们公园娱乐这帮人了It's'causemsickofthiswholeParksandRecgang.就是为啥That'swhy.这个傻♥逼♥把我扔进了游泳池Thismunchthrowsmeintoaswimmingpool.S05E03HowABillBecomesALaw那个护士还是不愿意跟我上♥床♥Thenursestillwon'thavesexwithme,她甚至都不是拉拉andshe'snotevenqueer.现在Swan衰在我嘴上来了一拳NowSwansuckpunchesmeinthemouth.在我们Jamm家里这就叫做.It'swhatweintheJammfamilycall.“复仇时刻”"Paybacktime."所有人都这么叫啊Everyonecallsitthat.是啊因为是我发明的Yeah,becauseIinventedit.是你才不会赢得五千万呢你个怪人Yeah,you'renotgonnawin$50million,youfreak.或许不会Maybenot,但我才不会不赢得空手而归butmnotnotgoingtowinnothing.PaulPaul.那家伙就是个笑话Thatguyisajoke.这场诉讼肯定会驳回的Thislawsuitisdefinitelygettingthrownout.我不知道啊那些可是Jean-Ralphio的律师1don'tknow,thoseareJean-Ralphio1Slawyers.他们曾经给他搞到了$60,000Theyoncegothim$60,000仅仅因为他在一个鬼屋觉得太害怕了'causehegottooscaredatahauntedhouse.好了你搞定了吗我们搞定了吗我们赢吗Okay,areyoudone?Arewedone?Didwewin?这个没有输赢的-什么你都可以赢Youcan'twinthis.-Youcanwinatanything.去年我赢得了一场有机园艺比赛1.astyearIwonanorganicgardeningcontest.你是和谁在竞争啊Whowereyoucompetingagainst?我自己的味蕾Myowntastebuds.我想要个小孩而Chris同意做父亲Iwannahaveababy,andChrishasagreedtobethefather.我的生育顾问给我了这个在线测试Myfertilitycounselorshowedmethisonlinequiz来确定我们是不是合适做父母thatdetermineswhetherwe'dbecompatibleparents.如果这是80年代的话我们需要做的就是Ifthiswerethe'80s,allwe'dhavetodois,like,一天别搞碎一个鸡蛋就行notdropaneggforawholeday.愚蠢的互联网StupidInternet好了我们的官方合作父母分数是.Okay,ourofficialco-parentingscoreis.58%匹配度58%compatibility.不是很棒Notamazing.哦我觉得非常好啊Oh,Ithinkit,sfantastic.我觉得真的是我们能期待的最好分数了Ithinkit'sliterallythebestscorewecouldhavehopedfor.不确定真是这样Notsurethatthat'strue.哦巧哎我刚刚也玩了一下0h,snap!Ijustfilleditoutforfun.Chris和我是81%匹配ChrisandIare81%compatible.你想要个宝宝吗TraegerYouwannamakeababy,Traeger?你的头发我的其他一切Yourhair,myeverythingelse.那个孩子简直会所向披靡Thatkidwouldbeunstoppable.伙计们我也没忍♥住我也做了Guys,Icouldn'tresist.Ididittoo.Ann和我有84%AnnandIgot84%.嗯这也太烂了是的我们没有赢Well,thissucks.-Yes,wedidnotwin.所以Ben以前是个蛮横的哥哥吗Sowas,like,Benabossyolderbrother?他逼你看星球大战电影吗DidhemakeyouwatchStarWarsmovies?逼我吗Makeme?我跟他一样喜欢那些电影啊Ilovedthosemoviesjustasmuchashedid.这也太可爰了That'ssocute.哦你很喜欢抱啊Oh,youdoalotofhugging.是啊习惯吧我们现在是姐妹了Yeah,getusedtoit.We'resistersnow.Benji我真的很高兴你为此回来了Benji,mreallygladyoucamebackforthis.这边的很多混♥蛋♥觉得你不会出面的Alotofjerksaroundheredidn'tthinkyou'dshowup.嗯我不确定但LeSlie给了我额外的动力Well,1wasn'tsure,butLesliegavemetheextrapush,而我觉得能一劳永逸地放下“冰城“这事会挺好的andIfiguredit'dbenicetoputtheicetownthingbehindmeonceandforall.现在你们都在这了我们开始吧Nowthatyou'rebothhere,let'sgetstarted.只有几个问题Justhaveafewquestions.你有个活页夹啊是啊Youhaveabinder?-That'sright.Ben的高中女朋友有哪些WhowereBen'shighschoolgirlfriends,而你觉得他跟她们都上了几垒andwhatbasedoyouthinkhegotto?呃那是啥啊Um.-What'sthat?而你具体目击到了什么事情呢Andwhatexactlydidyouwitness?被告别名RonSwansonDefendant,aliasRonSwanson,别名我的老板aliasmyboss,使用了适当的力量来避免更多的损害usedappropriateforcetopreventfurtherdamage导致到婚礼人员LeslieKnopetotheweddingofLeslieKnope,别名我另一个老板aliasmyotherboss.你听起来像是对法律执行机构有特别兴趣Yousoundasifyouhaveaspecialinterestinlawenforcement.是的先生实际上在那时Yes,sir.Infact,atthetime,我试着成为一个警官Iwastryingtobecomeapoliceofficer但被视作不适合警♥察♥力量butwasdeemedunfitfortheforce.然后发生了什么呢Andwhathappened?不知道Don'tknow.嗯我蠢了脑测试Well,Ipoochedthebrainexam.为了安全我不会把我说的任何事太当真Justtobesafe,Iwouldn'ttakeanythingIsaytooseriously.下一位证人法官大人Nextwitness,yourhonor.1.udgate女士你曾听到过Swanson先生Ms.Ludgate,haveyoueverheardMr.Swanson威胁要伤害Jamm议员吗threatentohurtcouncilmanJamm?Ronny吗你开玩笑吗Ronny?Areyoukiddingme?我从没听到过他说城胁要伤害任何人或者任何事物I'veneverheardhimthreatentohurtanyoneoranything.那家伙就像是个素食主义者Theguy,s,like,avegetarian.看看他啊他就像是个又大又老又软的泰迪熊1.ookathim,he'slikeabig,old,softteddybear.他在办公室里的昵称Hisnicknamearoundtheoffice是“软裤麦抱抱”isnSofty-PantsMcHuggable."你曾听过Swanson先生说打算伤吉Jamm议员吗DidyoueverhearMr.SwansonsayheintendedtoinjurecouncilmanJamm在婚礼日之前beforethedayofthewedding?答案是一个简单的“不”Theanswerisaflat"no."Ron真的不太注意其他人Rondoesn'treallypaymuchattentiontootherpeople.我甚至怀疑他知不知道你的存在Idoubtheevenknewyouexisted.还有我能为记录在案说一句吗那条11袋方巾也太属♥了Also,mayIsayfortherecord,thatisadopepocketsquare.我能看看那个坏孩子吗CanIseethatbadboy?Tom和April是为我辩护的极佳证人TomandAprilwereexcellentwitnessesinmydefense.不幸的是他们嘴里冒出的每一个单词都是谎言Unfortunately,everysinglewordoutoftheirmouthswasalie.比起谎言我更憎恨的只有一样东西There'sonlyonethingIhatemorethanlying.脱脂牛奶'Skimmilk.就是水撒谎说自己是牛奶Whichiswaterthat'slyingaboutbeingmilk.除了20年前发生的一切Despiteeverythingthathappened20yearsago,这里永远都是我的故乡thiswillalwaysbemyhometown.你又在哭了吗Areyoucryingagain?就是每次你念出这段演讲It'sjusteverytimeyousaythatspeech,我想到你曾经经历的和将要经历的Ithinkaboutwhereyou'vebeenandwhereyou'regoing还有我们未来的孩子还有美国andourfuturechildrenandAmerica还有我们作为国家的历史andjustourhistoryasanation.哇我可没想那么多但我觉得还挺好Wow,Ididn'tthinkaboutallthat,butIthoughtitwasgood.谢TStephThanks,Steph.啊我感觉出好多汗我看起来像出一Ah,I'mfeelingsweaty.DoIlookswe-我感觉-哦我需要再去一次洗手间了Ifeel-oh,Ineedtousethebathroomonemoretime.那好像是一小时内的第五次了That's,like,fivetimesinanhour.嗯有人对仪式感觉紧张啊Well,somebody'snervousabouttheceremony.我不怪他1don'tblamehim.他离开鹏鹄城的时候真不是镇上最受欢迎的人Hedidn'texactlyleavePartridgeasthemostpopularguyintown.BenBen?哦我的天Oh,myGod.你还好吗Areyouokay?我觉得我要生了Ithinkmgivingbirth.那可能吗不可能对吧Isthatpossible?No,right?不不不不J哦天啊No,no,no,no.-Oh,God!我去叫救护车llcallanambulance.哦天啊是双胞胎Oh,God!It'stwins!我要生双胞胎了-哦好吧mhavingtwins!-Oh!Okay.肾结石吗-是啊好大一颗呢Kidneystone?-Yep.Bigsuckertoo.在他排出来之前我们只能把他留这儿了We'regonnahavetokeephimhereuntilitpasses.1.eslie和Clipperton医生.1.eslieandDr.Clipperton.哇天啊我太高兴你们在见面了Wow,man,I'msogladyouguysaremeeting.就像世界在碰撞了你知道我爱死了It,slikeworldscollide.Youknow,Iloveit.我想吃糖Iwantcandy.他用了啥药啊Whatisheon?吗♥啡♥是好东西Morphine.It'sgoodstuff.1.eslie过来1.eslie,comehere.你意识到你有多美丽了吗Doyouhaveanyideahowbeautifulyouare?我认真的你就像是朵花mserious.You'relikeaflower.或者不像是个抱抱虫或者是个抱抱嘟嘟Or,no,likeasnug-bugorlikeasnugger-doodle或者之类的东西orsomethinglikethat.我们就应该加油你知道吗Weshouldjustgoforit,youknow?人生啊1.ife.我们有一场两小时后需要参加的仪式Wehaveaceremonyweneedtobeatintwohours.有什么我们能做的吗Isthereanythingthatwecando?抱歉了冰城至少一天你哪都不能去了Sorry,IceTown,you'renotgoinganywhereforatleastaday.好吧嗯我联♥系♥StiCe市长Okay,well,llcallMayorStice,我们重新安排仪式时间andwe,llrescheduletheceremony.不这个镇等着我打退堂鼓呢No,thistownexpectsmetowussout.我要做那个演讲mmakingthatspeech,而我只需要向人群解释爱无处不在andmsimplygonnaexplaintothecrowdthatloveiseverywhere而他们只需要投身于宇宙的洪流中你知道吗andtheyhavetosurrendertotheflowoftheuniverse,youknow?购物街播出了我想PriceIsRightison,1think.哦你记得从学校请病假回家Oh,yourememberstayinghomesickfromschool.然后看购物街吗watchingThePriceIsRight?哦天啊Oh,God.你看我知道这只是个愚蠢的小测验1.ook,Iknowthatthisisjustasillyquiz,但做这么差真的令人气馁啊butitissodiscouragingtodosopoorly.嗯你看这不是考察我们是不是好父母的唯一方式Well,look,thisisnottheonlywaytoseeifwewouldbegoodparents.我知道有点没劲Iknowit'salittlelame,但我从百货店买♥♥了一打鸡蛋butIboughtadozeneggsatthegrocerystore,我觉得我们可以做一天那个把鸡蛋当小孩的事情andIthoughtwecoulddothatthingwherewepretendtheeggisakidforaday.真是个好主意That'sagreatidea!我没找到啊1don'tseethem.哦天啊Oh,myGod.我掉在百货店了哎呀Ileftthematthegrocerystore.-Oh,boy.我买♥♥了12个宝宝Ibought12babies,然后马上就掉在了Kroger's店里andthenIimmediatelyabandonedthemataKroger,s.看我们可以把这个当成宝宝1.ook,wecanuseanythingasababy.我觉得我们可以用这个杯子啊Imean,wecouldusethismug.我不理解啊我很棒的啊Idon'tunderstand.Iwasgreat.我就像是社交"网"里的马克“扎”IwaslikeMarkZinTheSocial"N."我的证词对你的案子太棒了啊Mytestimonywasamazingforyourcase.但不是事实Butitwasn'tthetruth.你的也不是Andneitherwasyours.你甚至叫我素食主义者Youevencalledmea.vegetarian.如果证词泄露出去怎么办Whatifthattestimonyleaks?人们还要怎么尊重我Howwillpeopleeverrespectme?呃无所谓了事实很蠢啊Ugh,whatever.Thetruthisstupid.我只在听起来像说谎的时候才说事实Ionlytellthetruthwhenitmakesmesoundlikemlying.是啊我只知道说谎Yeah,lyingisallIknow.所以我才能在孟买♥♥的大街上勉强度FlIt,showIwasabletoscrapebyonthestreetsofBombay然后在印度版的百万大赢家上功成名就andmakeitontheIndianversionofWhoWantsToBeaMillionaire和我的一生挚爱重聚她的名字是andgetreunitedwiththeloveofmylife,1.atika1.atika.你们都可以在AndreW身上学到课YoucouldbothtakealessonfromAndrew.每一个问他的问题他都回答了事实Hetoldthetruthabouteverythinghewasasked,即使对他来说很丢脸evenwhenitwashumiliatingforhim.是的我爱讲♥事♥实♥That'sright.Ilovetellingthetruth.举例证明Caseinpoint,有时候我携鼻子的时候我会硬sometimeswhenIblowmynose,Igetaboner.我不知道为啥就是会这样Idon'tknowwhy.Itjusthappens.真话炸♥弹♥咯Truthbomb.我会把你俩叫回那个房♥间mgonnacallyoubothbackinthatroom,你们要撤回你们的证词andyou'llrecantyourtestimony.不啊-你们做了伪证No!-Youcommittedperjury.但更重要的是你们让自己蒙羞Butmoreimportantly,you'vedishonoredyourselves.哦大哥啊Oh,brother.他们还太年轻了Theyaresoyoung.要学的还有太多Somuchtolearn.你在说什么我知道啊对吧Whatareyoutalkingabout?-1know,right?智慧Wisdom.病了Sick?你真觉得我会相信吗他怎么了临阵怯场了吗Doyoureallyexpectmetobelievethat?Whathashegot,acutewimpingout?不他有肾结石我们有证据No,hehaskidneystones.Wehaveproof.是啊我一个小时之前在医院给他拍了个视频Yeah,Itookavideoofhimatthehospitalanhourago.著名爵士音乐家我感觉我从没给过MilesDavis足够的宽恕IfeellikeInevergaveMilesDavispropershrift.就我就是听不进去1.ike,Ijustdidn'tgetintoit.但好消息是我来替他接受钥匙了Butthegoodnewsismheretoacceptthekeyonhisbehalf.唉真是太可惜Boy,it'sjustarealshame偏偏要在今天发生ithadtohappentodayofalldays.该死Damnit!失陪了Excuseme.嗨一切还好吗Hi.Everythingokay?你想让我回到医院来吗Youwantmetocomebacktothehospital?噗别啦我好哒好哒Pfft,nah.mgoodiegoodie.你就做你自己吧蓝精灵宝宝Youjustdoyourthing,babysmurf.我觉得我希望你能来这里啊Imean,Iwishyouwerehere.看起来挺好玩挺有节日气氛的Itseemsprettyfunandfestive.镇吉祥物也来了Townmascotishere.雪橇Fred吗FredtheSled?他们只在特殊场合才请他出来的啊Theyonlybringhimoutforspecialoccasions.不敢相信他们为我做了这一切Ican'tbelievethey'redoingallthisforme.整个宇宙就是爱啊Theuniverseislove.好吧远离尖锐物体Okay,stayawayfromsharpthings.哎呀哎呀哎呀Well,well,well,听说你们想撤回先前的陈述啊heardyouwanttorecantyourearlierstatements.是的我记错了一些事实“Yes,Imisrememberedsomethings.我确实听到RonSwanson说过IdidinfacthearRonSwansonsay他打算伤害JeremyJammheintendedtoinjureJeremyJamm.哈我就知道Boom,knewit.跟我们讲讲吧哪一次呢Tellusaboutit,please.-Whichtime?嗯有多少次呢Well,howmanywerethere?这个Well.4年前是的我们谈了笔交易Yeah,wedidatrade.我给他老婆做新牙托Igavehiswifenewenamels,他给我老婆做新大♥波♥hegavemywifenewyabbos.那位绅上是谁Who'sthatgentleman?JeremyJamm市议员JeremyJamm,citycouncilman.你不认识吗-没见过他Youdon'tknowhim?-Nevermethim.他看起来像是脸上应该挨一拳的那种人Helookslikehecoulduseaswiftpunchinthefacethough.太好了Yes!6个月前然后在他能说话之前我就跑过去把他推进池子里了Andthenbeforehecansayanything,Ijustrunover,shovehimintothepool.干得好Bullyforyou.如果是我我应该会朝他脸上直接来一拳Ifitwereme,Iwouldhavejustpunchedhimintheface.4个月前怎么啦RonWhat'sup,Ron?在做白日梦想朝Jamm的脸上来一拳JustdaydreamingaboutpunchingJammintheface.然后还有其他几次Andtherewereafewothertimestoo.我们明白了孩子等等Wegetthepicture,son.-Holdon.我们需要你完整的真实的证词记录在案Weneedyourfull,truthfultestimonyonrecord.继续吧TomKeepgoing,Tom.但现在20年后Butnow,20yearslater,这个城市终于从冰城的溃烂伤口中愈合了thecityhasfinallyhealedfromthefesteringwoundofIceTown.今天我们把那些极其痛苦的记忆放在脑后Todayweputthosehorriblypainfulmemoriesbehindus迎回那位让这一切成为可能的那位市长aswewelcomebackthemayorwhomadeallofthatpossible,BenWyattBenWyatt.欢迎回来冰小丑哦那是个印刷错误吧是个严重印刷错误Oh,that'satypo.That'samajortypo.上面写着“冰小丑”Thatsays"IceClown."我刚刚意识到这不是印刷错误mjustrealizingnowthat'snotatypo.嘿你不是他妹妹吗Hey,aren'tyouhissister?我要走了Igottagetouttahere.祝你好运LeslieGoodluck,Leslie.到此来接受鹘鸽城城市钥匙的HeretoacceptthekeytothecityofPartridge,因为Wyatt先生理所当然地生病了becauseMr.Wyattisconvenientlyill,是他的妻子LeSHeKnopeishiswifeLeslieKnope.里面是水Andit'swater.啊哦钥匙是冰做的啊Uhoh,thekeywasmadeofice.就像鹏鸽城人♥民♥的希望和梦想一样AndmuchlikethehopesanddreamsofthepeopleofPartridge,全部都融化掉了itmeltedaway.再说一次如果Ben在这里的话这一切能让人满足太多了Again,thiswouldallbewaymoresatisfyingifBenwashere.好吧不好意思Okay,excuseme.我想指出我们大老远从印第安纳州Pawnee开车过来IwouldliketopointoutthatwedroveallthewayherefromPawnee,Indiana,顺便说那可是个有点档次的城市acitywithsomeclass,bytheway.而且是的我的丈夫20年前犯下了一个无意之错And,sure,myhusbandmadeanhonestmistake20yearsago.但本应是意义重大的如果你们终于能Butitwasverymeaningfulthatyouweregonnafinally.嗨Leslie-原谅他Hi,Leslie.-Beabletoforgivehim.如果