Parks and Recreation《公园与游憩（2009）》第六季第五集完整中英文对照剧本.docx

嘿我在民调收复了很多失地是好消息啊Hey,vegainedalotofgroundinthepolls.That'sgoodnews.是啊我统计你只落后4%但他们在播成吨♥的新负面广&hearts浩♥Yeah,Ihaveyoudownonlyfourpoints,butthey'rerunningatonofnewnegativeads.或许你应该反击Maybeyoushouldfightback.Ben你的心到位了你的心和你的屁♥股♥Ben,yourheart'sintherightplace.Yourheartandyourbutt.但我不会走负面的Iwillnotgonegative.屎上加屎啊Craponaturd!来一个“罢免KnoPe”礼物袋吗Carefora"RecallKnope"giftbag?罢免LeslieKnope的委员会简直无情ThecommitteetorecallLeslieKnopeisrelentless.看看他们在小学里发的是什么1.ookwhatthey'rehandingoutatelementaryschools.我是LeSlieKnope告诉你父母来罢免我mLeslieKnope.Tellyourparentstorecallme.我们都知道我不能像我的对手们那样花那么多钱WeallknowthatIcannotspendasmuchmoneyonadsasmyopponent,所以我打印了一万张别”贴纸和一万张问号♥贴纸butIprintedout10,000"Don't"stickersand10,000questionmarkstickers.那样的话如果你看到一个标语上写着“罢免Knope-Thatway,ifyouseeasignanditsays"RecallKnope/'你只需要加上问号♥和“别”然后突然它就成了allyouneedtodoisaddthequestionmarkandthe"Don't,"andsuddenly,itreads,"罢免Knope?gl|""RecallKnope?Don,t."为啥不就把“别“放在“罢免KnOPe”前面呢Whydon'tyoujustputthe"Don't"infrontof"RecallKnope?是那个主意更好Yep,that,samuchbetteridea.我能拿走这些问号♥贴纸吗CanIhavethesequestionmarkstickers?为啥-我想贴到停车标志上面Why?-1wanttoputthemonstopsigns.April别April,no!公园与游憩公园与游憩第6季第5集第6季第5集嗨呃我想找人聊聊预约公园的事情Hi.Um,Ineedtotalktosomebodyaboutreservingapark.哦我们有个新政策Oh,wehaveanewpolicy.公园预约的用途只能是女巫集♥会♥Parkscanonlybereservedforwitchcovens或者水上滑梯比赛orslip-and-slidecompetitions.你是哪一种-呃水上滑梯比赛Whichoneareyou?-Uh,slip-and-slidecompetition.认真的吗-不是Seriously?-No.你为啥要比那种事情啊Whywouldyouevencompeteinsomethinglikethat?无所谓了Itdoesn'tmatter.呃我先前打过电♥话♥是那个免费疫苗的事Um,Icalledearlieraboutthefreevaccinationsthing.我们希望在你们的公园之一设立一个移♥动♥医院We,rehopingtosetupamobilehospitalinoneofyourparks.抱歉他有什么毛病吗msorry,istheresomethingwrongwithhim?Tom这个女巫想要预约一个公园供她的恶魔仪式用Tom,thiswitchwantstoreserveaparkforhersatanicritual.你能帮她吗Canyouhelpher?对好嘲Right.Smashing.呃是我就内个ThomasHaverford这地儿基本是归我管Uh,yes.I'mThomasHaverford.Isortofrunthewholedepartment.嗯您老尊姓大名儿呢Um,whatwasthename,then?呃NadiaStatsky我是无国界医生的Uh,NadiaStatsky.mfromDoctorsWithoutBorders.得嘲“无“内个“医”Brilliant.Theold"D"swithout"B"s.呃我们真真儿能帮忙Uh,wecandefinitelyhelp.是啊Tom就是你要找的人Yeah,Tom'syourguy.实际上他在他的祖国俄♥罗♥斯♥时也是在公园部工作的HeactuallyusedtoruntheParksDepartmentinhishomecountryofRussia.这位可劲儿疯rThisoneismental.她在在逗闷子呢明显儿的She'sjoking,obviously.那我哪能是俄♥罗&hearts撕♥人呢您听听我这标准儿的京腔儿HowcouldIbefromRussia?Notwiththisspot-onBritishaccent.您就请好儿吧Wecandefinitelygetyousorted.这边儿请Rightthisway.好吧Okay.哇我很肯定你不该在工作场所有武器Whoa.Iamprettysureyoushouldn'thaveaweaponatwork.任何东西都可能是武器孩子1.iterallyeverythingisaweapon,son.那个文件夹在我手里比这把弓在你手里的杀伤力会大很多Thatfolder,inmyhands,isfardeadlierthanthisbowinyours.哦那.确实可能Oh,that,s.probablytrue.所以Leslie和我刚刚汇合了我们的遗嘱So,LeslieandIjustfinishedputtingtogetherourwill,她想让你作为见证人andshewantsyoutobethewitness.你介意签个字吗-那是你们的遗哌吗Youmindsigningit?-That'syourwill?你们需要那么多页来说“把我的东西给我老婆”吗Youneedthatmanypagestosay,"GivemyStufftomywife?它是份非常复杂的法律文件-它不需要是Ifsacomplicatedlegaldocument.-Itdoesn'thavetobe.我八岁以来就一直有着同一份遗嘱I'vehadthesamewillsinceIwaseightyearsold.“在我死后我所有的财产都应转移给那个杀了我的人类或者动物”"Uponmydeath,allofmybelongingsshalltransfertothemanoranimalwhohaskilledme.”这些奇怪的符号♥是什么啊Whataretheseweirdsymbols?杀掉我的那个人会知道的Themanwhokillsmewillknow.好吧你真的应该有一份比一句话长的遗嘱Okay,youshouldreallyhaveawillthat'smorethanonesentencelong.你现在有老婆和孩子了Youhaveawifeandkidsnow.我可以向你介绍我们的律师Icouldintroduceyoutoourlawyer.世界上最无用的三种工作按顺序排列Thethreemostuselessjobsintheworldare,inorder,是律师国会议员还有医生lawyer,congressman,anddoctor.算了Ron那份文件什么都不是Pass.-Ron,thatdocumentisnothing.它甚至没被公♥证♥It,snotevennotarized.你知道如果你死了然后又没有真的遗嘱的话Youknow,ifyoudieandyoudon'thavearealwill,你大部分的财产将会移交政♥府♥的mostofwhatyouownwillgotothegovernment.你说的这个律师在哪Whereisthislawyeryouspeakof?我很开心能正式提交法案68-JmpleasedtoformallysubmitBill68-J,它为Ramsett公园的一条新骑行路线提供资金whichfundsanewbikepathinRamsettPark.提议搁置法案-同意Motiontotablethisbill.-Second.我也提交了法案68-RIalsosubmitBill68-R.提议搁置-同意Motiontotable.-Second.你们想延迟我所有的法案行啊Youguyswanttodelayallmybills?Fine.我就继续埋头把活干完mjustgonnakeepmyheaddownandcontinuetogetworkdone.好吧嗯呃提议提早结束这次会议保证什么都干不完Allright,well,uh,motiontoendthissessionearlysonothingcangetdone.同意天啊你们真是最烂的Second.-Gahhh,youguysaretheworst!抱歉了KnoPe我们只是想尽一切可能Sorry,Knope.We,rejustlookingforanypossibleway把你罢免掉因为我们不喜欢你togetyourecalledbecausewedon'tlikeyou.不是个人攻击这完全就是个人攻击It,snothingpersonal.-Itabsolutelyispersonal.那就是“个人攻击”的定义Thatisthedefinitionof"personal."”个人攻击的定义”"Thedefinitionofpersonal."抱歉我们有个问题Excuseme,wehaveanissue.公园娱乐部官方TWitter号♥发了一条推AtweethasbeentweetedfromtheParksandRecTwitten恐怕里面有很露骨的性内容andI'mafraiditisquitesexuallygraphic.可能只是什么无聊年轻人黑了账户吧It'sprobablyjustsomeboredteenagerwhohackedtheaccount.不管是谁都挺严重的来看看这个Whoeveritis,it'squiteserious.Takealookatthis.我不想让你被罢免了KnopeIdon'twantyoutogetrecalledKnope,但该死这些人真是会选颈部按♥摩♥器啊butdamn,thesepeopleknowhowtopickaneckmassager.而且在你关于贴纸的事情找我茬之前我已经搞完了Andbeforeyougetonmycaseaboutthosestickers,1alreadydid'em.Donna有麻烦正在酝酿Donna,thereistroublea-brewin,.我们觉得你可能意外地Wethinkthatyoumayhaveaccidentally用公园部的账户而不是你自己的账户发了推tweetedfromtheParksandRecaccountratherthanyourownpersonalaccount.啊哦说r啥Uh-oh.What,ditsay?”晚上见希望你喜欢舌头浴你这大个下流的消防员”"Seeyoutonight.Hopeyouliketonguebaths,youbig,nastyfireman."然后有一张对嘴唇的照片和一张茄子的照片Thenthere'sapictureofapairoflipsandthenapictureofaneggplant.我既很迷惑我们要是完全坦诚的话又有点性唤起mbothconfused,andifwe'rebeingtotallyhonest,alittlearoused.恶心Ew.不是想给你窥探太多我的私人生活Nottogiveyoutoomuchofapeekintomypersonallife,但这本可能会糟糕很多的butthiscouldhavebeenwayworse.主要的是我们删除了那条推没人会知道是你What'simportantis,wedeletedthetweet,andnobodyisgonnaknowit'syou,但是Donna你知道的未来要多小心一点butDonna,youknow,bemorecarefulinthefuture.这事差点就让我栽跟头rThisalmostblewupinmyface.Pawnee46突发新闻Pawnee46突发新闻推特水门我在此直播在一场新闻发布会上mherelive,atapressconference,在这里JeremyJamm议员会讨论一场政♥府♥丑闻whereCouncilmanJeremyJammwilldiscussagovernmentscandal我们暂称“TWitter水门”直到我们找到一个更加短小精悍的名字Wearecalling"TwitterWatergate"untilwecanfindasnappiernameforit.舌头浴吗茄子吗消防员吗Tonguebaths?Eggplants?Firemen?那些男人是值得尊敬的英雄Thosemenareheroeswhodeserverespect!9/11啊9/11!这就是LeSlieKnope管理公园部门的方式吗ThisishowLeslieKnoperunsherParksDepartment?我们要一次次地举办听证会直到我们满意为IkWearegoingtoholdhearingafterhearing,untilwearesatisfied.这件事会被无止境地夸大Thiswillbeblownwayoutofproportion!我向你们保证Youhavemywordonit!恶Ugh.哦这也太糟了我会被开的Ooh,thisisbad.mgonnagetfired.没人会被开除的好吗Nooneisgettingfired,okay?Jamm只是试着利川这在罢免中挫伤我Jammistryingtousethistohurtmeintherecall.他想把我拉下水He'stryingtotakemedown,而且在过程中愿意攻击我的朋友吗andhe,swillingtoattackmyfriendsintheprocess?不没门只要我在-只要她在No.Noway.Notonmywatch.-Notonherwatch.他不会玷污你的名声的-玷污不允许Heisnotgonnasullyyourname.-Nosullyingallowed!别担心Donna我们会把这件事扼杀在萌芽状态Don'tworryaboutit,Donna.We,regonnanipthisinthebud.管好你们的萌芽因为他们会被扼杀了Guardyourbuds,'causethey'reabouttogetnipped!够了-好吧Okay.-Okay.所以无国界医生要来Pawnee是个咋回事儿呢So,whydoesDoctorsWithoutBorderswanttocometoPawnee?Pawnee就像是个奇怪疾病的培养皿Pawneeislikeapetridishofweirddiseases.你知道你们得西尼罗河病毒的概率DidyouknowyouhaveahigherrateoftheWestNilevirus比西尼罗河本地人还高吗thantheactualWesternNile?对不起了您内西尼罗河看起来咱Pawnee又赢了呢Sorry,WestNile,lookslikePawneewinsagain.你们还在哪里打败过西尼罗河啊WhatelsehaveyoubeatentheWesternNilein?斗蟋蟀呃Cricket.Uh.就把这些表儿给填咯然后咱就跟笼子里俩蝴蝴儿样搞定了justllouttheseforms,andwewillbeallsetliketwobiscuitsinsideatin.所以你抓狂了真好玩啊So,you'vegoneinsane.That'sfun.我就慌了啊我完全高攀不上她Ijustpanicked.She'ssooutofmyleague,我的脑袋就让我那么讲话了看起来能酷一点mybrainjustmademetalkthatwaysodseemcooler.我要这么做啊-啥都别这也太棒了WhatshouldIdo?-Nothing!Thisisamazing.April-好吧April.-Fine.如果你想跟她有机会显然地你得停下Ifyouwanttohaveachancewithher,obviously,youhavetostop.要不就那样要不你余生都这么讲话吧It,seitherthat,oryoutalklikethatfortherestofyourlife.你觉得她会跟我结婚啊Youthinkshe'dmarryme?好了就让我来聊好吧Allright,justletmedothetalkinghere,okay?我是说他是个律师我是个会计我们使用相同的语言Imean,he,salawyer,manaccountant.Wespeakthesamelanguage.显然会计要更坏孩子一些Imean,obviously,accountantsarealittlemorebadboy,但呃互相有尊重的but,uh,there'sarespectthere.这事啥时候结束啊-嘿TrevorWhenwillthisbeover?-Hey,Trevor.我跟Ron聊了下遗产规划的事情vebeentalkingtoRonaboutestateplanning,指电影心灵捕手GoodWillHunting他来这里是做一个心灵"嘱"手的andheisheretodosome,GoodWillHunting."因为他想起草,份遗嘱所以一Becausehehastodrawupanewwill,so-是的我听懂了Wyatt先生谢谢你Yes,Iunderstood,Mr.Wyatt.Thankyou.如我之前所说我就是不喜欢谐音梗Asvesaidbefore,Ijustdon'tlikepuns.哦嗯我的会计朋友们看起来都很喜欢Oh,well,myaccountantfriendsseemtoenjoy'em.Swanson先生我们先从填这个表开始Mr.Swanson,let'sbeginbyfillingoutthisform,列出你的资产和负债listingyourassetsandliabilities.少来了Nicetry.我不会告诉你我有多少钱藏在哪里mnottellingyouhowmuchmoneyIhave,whereit'shidden,或者有没有以什么贵重金属和/或宝石的形式存放orwhichpreciousmetalsand/orgemstonesitmayormaynottaketheformof.如果你不给我所需的信息那我什么都做不了Ifyoudon'tgivemetheinformationIneed,there'snothingIcando.哦别啊车到山前必有“嘱”的啊TrevorOh,comeon,Trevor.Wherethere'sa"Will,"there,saway.我要最后说一次了Wyattmgonnasaythisonelasttime,Wyatt.把你那些会计的垃圾留在门外Checktheaccountantcrapatthedoor.是的先生您做“主”Yes,sir,Iwill.不是故意的Unintentional.好吧我们开始这些听证会有两个目标Allright,let'sbegin.Thesehearingshavetwogoals.第一确切找出这条冒犯的推特是如何发出的One,tofindoutexactlyhowthisoffensivetweetcametobesent.还有第二把这整件事折腾成一场媒体闹剧Andtwo,toturnthiswholethingintoamediacircus.Knope女士你有陈述吗Ms.Knope,doyouhaveastatement?嗯其实还挺简单的Well,it'sactuallyquitesimple.呃一位公园娱乐部门雇员忘记登出了官方推特账户Uh,aParksandRecemployeeforgottologoutoftheParksandRecTwitteraccount,他/她偶然发布了一条个人的信息theypostedapersonalprivatemessagebyaccident,然后呃那个人现在十分抱歉不会再发生了and,uh,thatpersonisverysorry,anditwon'thappenagain.不要妨碍议事告诉我们这里发生了什么Stopstonewallingandtelluswhathappenedhere!我刚刚告诉你发生什么了Ijusttoldyouwhathappened.是个遗憾的错误Itwasanunfortunatemistake.好吧悲哀的是因为你的"无追踪能力Alrighsadly,duetoyour"intracksidence"-不是个词-我们可能永远不知道发生了什么Notaword.-Wemayneverfindoutwhathappened.当这条恶心的堕落的推特初见天日的时候Whenthissick,depravedtweetfirstcametolight,你说的是”可能只是什么无聊年轻人黑了账户”yousaid,"Theaccountwasprobablyhackedbysomeboredteenager."现在你说是个遗惬的错误Nowyou'resayingit'sanunfortunatemistake.你为什么要一直变卦啊Whydoyoukeepflip-flopping?嗯因为我获得了新的信息Well,becauseIlearnednewinformation.我4岁的时候我觉得巧克力牛奶是从棕色牛里挤出来的WhenIwasfour,Ithoughtthatchocolatemilkcamefrombrowncows,然后我就变卦了因为我知道了andthenIflip-floppedwhenIfoundout有种东西叫做巧克力糖浆thattherewassomethingcalledchocolatesyrup.我不觉得这么说很过分Idon'tthinkmoutoflinewhenIsay2011年以来利比亚反政♥府♥武装成立临时政♥府♥的地点这次丑闻让班加西看起来像小浪花thatthisscandalmakesBenghazilooklikewhitewater!完全没有任何意义啊It'sutterlymeaningless.我觉得我们需要听到这条推特背后的无名雇员的言论Ithinkweneedtohearfromtheunnamedemployeebehindthetweet.可能他或者她或者她们Perhapsheorshe-Orthem.可以是一堆性感女士Itcouldbeabunchofhotladies.是可能”女她们“终于能给我们所需要的答案Yes,perhaps"them"canfinallygiveustheanswersweneed.咋啦咋啦咋啦她在这儿呢What,what,what?Theresheis.Nadia我不知道你想要什么所以我给你搞了卡布奇诺拿铁NadialIdidn'tknowwhatyouwanted,soIgotyouacappuccino,alatte,四袋咖啡豆和一台迷你浓缩咖啡机fourbagsofcoffeebeans,andaminiespressomachine.你的口音怎么了Whathappenedtoyouraccent?哦是哦它没了哈Oh,yeah.It'sgone.Huh.你知道我最近感冒了Youknow,Ihadacoldrecently.我觉得那可能影响到我的声音往那个京腔走了Ithinkthatmayhaveaffectedmyvoice,like,incertainBritishways.嗯完整故事就是那样的不必多疑问rWell,that,sallthereistothatstory,sononeedforanymorequestions.你感冒了吗我能摸摸你的腺体吗Youhaveacold?CanIfeelyourglands?当然Sure.哇你在喉咙上抹了好多润肤霜啊Wow,youarewearingalotofmoisturizeronyourthroat.避免鱼尾脖的最佳方式Bestwaytopreventcrow'sneck.这是亮粉吗Isthisglitter?所以这些就是表格啦你填好了很好So,thosearetheforms.Youfilled'emout.Great.April会给它们归档April'sgonnafilethese.嘿你这个公园里的事情是什么时候啊Hey,whenisthethingyou'redoinginthepark?我很乐意过来或许帮忙管理疫苗什么的dlovetocomebyandmaybehelpadministervaccines?哦你还是个医生吗居然Oh.Areyouadoctor,somehow?不是No.没有回应了吗好吧很好Nofollow-uptothat?Okay,great.呃嗯我不会自己参加这个活动的Um,well,mnotactuallygonnabeattendingtheevent,所以如果你就能把许可证给我soifyoucouldjustgivemethepermit,我就能回到IndianaPOliS的家不用再回来了呢sothatIcangohometoIndianapolisandnevercomebackhere?我已经爱上Nadia不管她姓啥了IaminIovewithNadiaWhatever-her-last-name-is,而我会把她留在这的andmgonnakeepherhere,利用我最强大的武器-usingthemostpowerfulweapon1have-官僚的不称职bureaucraticincompetence.哦不你填写的是表格3208Oh,no.YoufilledoutForm3208.你应该填的是表格3248YouweresupposedtolloutForm3248.哦天啊Oh,God.这是在机场租飞机库的Thisistoleaseahangarattheairport.我知道太离谱了听起来几乎像是编的1know.It,ssocrazy,italmostsoundsmadeup.官僚主义嘛对吧你能怎么做呢Bureaucracy,right?Whatareyougonnado?哈奇了怪了Huh.Weird.有人在这留了个榨汁机新鲜水果还有朗姆酒Someoneleftoutablender,freshfruits,andrum?我猜我们得做台克利酒了现在Iguesswegotta,like,makeDaiquirisnow.我喜欢工作的同时有音乐你知道吗IliketohavemusiconwhileIwork,youknow?这到底是个啥地方啊Whatisthisplace?Meagle女士让我先说我是你写作的忠实粉丝Ms.Meagle,letmefirstsaythatIamabigfanofyourwriting.谢谢-都是好东西Thankyou.-It'sgoodstuff.真的是好东西Reallygoodstuff.好吧还有人看到双重标准了吗Okay,doesanyoneelsehereseeadoublestandard?Dexhart议员现在正因为性骚扰波两位不同的女性起诉CouncilmanDexhartiscurrentlybeingsuedbytwodifferentwomenforsexualharassment,其中一位是第一位女士庭审时的法官oneofwhomwasthejudgeinthefirstwoman,strial.她在对我说骚话啊Shewastalkingdirtytome.她在读你发给第一位女性的邮件Shewasreadingtheemailsthatyousenttothefirstwoman.你们看我显然从没想过要让公园部蒙羞1.ook,Iobviouslynevermeanttoembarrasstheparksdepartment.我的个人账户是设定为私密的Mypersonalaccountissetto"private."是啊连我都不知道她在上面写什么Yeah,Idon'tevenknowwhatshewritesonthere!嗯你可能不知道她写的什么但是我们知道Well,youmaynotknowwhatshe'swriting,butwedo.在一个已经有料的故事中又有震惊转折Inashockingtwisttoanalreadyjuicystory,我们获得了Meagle女士账户的通道通过第三方WehaveobtainedaccesstoMs.Meagle'saccount,viaathirdparty.同一位理发师Samehairdresser.该死啊台风你为啥这么做啊Damnit,Typhoon!Why'dyoudothis?或许你要是费心来我的了不起的盖茨比早午餐你就会知道了MaybeifyouhadbotheredtocometomyGreatGatsbyBrunch,you'dknow.我甚至不需要实际的数字一个范围就行1don'tevenneedanexactnumber.Justballparkit.我就能从那里开始That'sallIneedtogetstarted.或者我很肯定州政♥府♥很爱用你的钱Or,msurethestategovernmentwouldlovetouseyourmoney来雇佣更多官僚或许建一座图书馆tohiremorebureaucrats,maybebuildalibrary.行Fine,一个近似估计aballparkfigure.谢谢你天啊Thankyou.God.我了个操Holyfuck.这是个笑话吗Isthisajoke?“笑话”的同义词是“谎言"Anotherwordfor',jokes,1is"lies."我不撒谎因此我不开玩笑Idonotlie.Therefore,Idonotjoke.Swanson先生这种规模的财产意味着您的孩子Mr.Swanson,anestateofthissizemeansthatyourchildren一生都不用上一天班了wouldneverhavetoworkadayintheirlives.这需要一点时间Thisisgoingtotakesometime.需要达成信托建立税收庇护Trustsneedtobedrawn,taxshelters.够rThat'senough.我不需要什么长久的法律探险Idonotneedsomedrawn-outlegalexpedition来告诉我我8岁时就知道的东西totellmewhatIknewwhenIwaseight.这是我原版的遗嘱Here'smyoriginalwill.随便做你那些律师的荒唐事让它变正式我签字就行Dowhateverlawyernonsenseyouhavetotomakeitofficial,andIwillsignit.日安Goodday.等等所有这些符号♥是什么Wait.Whatareallthesesymbols?我没被你恐吓确实没错Iwasrightnottobethreatenedbyyou.好吧我想要一些Meagle女士的发推精选记录在案Okay,IwouldliketoenterintotherecordaselectionofMs.Meagle'stweets.啊哦呃我能请求短暂休庭吗Uh-oh.Uh,canIrequestabriefrecess