ResidentAlien《外星居民（2021）》第三季第一集完整中英文对照剧本.docx

前情提要Previously,on'ResidentAlien.,你好，哈利Hello,Harry.我是约瑟夫MynameisJoseph.你是灰人YouareaGrey.我要叫你混♥蛋♥Iwillcallyou,d*khead.,你们应该互相帮助，不是互相残杀Youshouldbehelpingeachother,nottryingtokilloneanother.怀俄明州有个秘密基地There'sasecretbaseinWyoming.我怀疑It'swhereIsuspect他们在那里保存灰人的所有资讯theykeepalltheirinformationontheGreys.求求你，救救我儿子Please,savemyson.只有一个人There'sonlyoneperson有资源阻止灰人whomayhavetheresourcestostoptheGreys.空军将军伊莲娜麦卡利斯特AnAirForcegeneralnamedEleanorMcCallister.告诉我发生了什么事Tellmewhat'sgoingonrightnow.那是我的秘密That'smysecret你是恐龙You'readinosaur.什么What?躺在床上Andlayonbed.该死Damnit.你一定要把他留在家的那部分做对Well,yougottoleavehiminsidethehousepartright.早安Morning.你睡得好吗Mow'dyousleep?很好，但我又再滚卜.床Great,butIdidrolloffthebedagain.我想总比梦游和在外面醒来好Iguessit'sbetterthansleepwalkingandwakingupoutside.说得对，今早超冷的That'strue,it'sfreezingthismorning.你怎样知道的Howdoyouknowthat?不知道1don'tknow.一星期后佩信斯邮报这班特快列车ThisistheExpresstrain将前往所有蒙大拿州的地底设施toallMontanaundergroundfacilities.预计所需时间是6分钟32秒Traveltimeisapproximately6minutesand32seconds.智慧征服一切，第五组在我的星球，我独自工作、进食Onmyplanet,Iworkedalone.Iatealone.我最早的记忆是独自在我的卵生长Myearliestmemorywasgestatinginmyeggalone.当我孵化时WhenIhatched,有几百个啼哭的兄弟姐妹欢迎我IwasgreetedbythemewlingOfhundredsofsiblings.我们都偏好独自一人Weallpreferredsolitude.所以很自然地，我们决心自相残杀Sonaturallywesetuponkillingeachother.但地球却是截然不同ItisdifferenthereonEarth.他们透过合作获得彼此的力量Theygetstrengthfromeachotherthroughcooperation.人类婴被没别人帮忙根本无法生存Humanbabiescannotevenlivewithouthelpfromothers.这应该是好事Itisprobablyagoodthing因为若人类婴孩能杀人becauseifhumanbabiescouldkill,他们绝对会这样做theywouldcertainlydoit.你做了什么好事Whathaveyoudonehere?这是垃圾Thisisgarbage.给我离开，滚回你的座位Getoutofhere,gobacktoyourdesk.或者在这周余下的日子放假吧Maybetakeabreakfortherestoftheweek.我自己做I'lldoit.如果这些就是地球最聪明的人类IfthesearethetophumanthinkersonEarth,那公我们必死无疑weareallasdead如同我兄弟姐妹的碎裂尸骸asmysiblings'mangledcarcases.你只是来了一周You'vebeenhereaweek部门工作就慢得完全停顿了andoutputhasslowedtoastop.我是唯一在工作的人Iamtheonlyoneworking.因为你接管了所有人的工作Becauseyou'retakingeveryone'sassignments.我是这里最聪明的物种Iamthesmartestbeinghere.我自己做工作会比较容易ItisjusteasierifIdoit.中尉1.ieutenant.为何灰人会在地球WhyaretheGreyaliensonEarth?我们暂时不知道Wedon'tknowyet因为哈利毫无团队精神becauseHarryisn'tbeingateamplayer.听着，若要阻止灰人我们就要合作1.ook,weneedtoworktogetherifwe,regonnastoptheGreys.我应该是每月最佳员工Ishouldbeemployeeofthemonth.上周我拯救了这里所有人的小命Isavedeveryone'sbuttherelastweek.这些是我们过去80年取得的太空船Thesearespacecraftwe'veacquiredinthelast80years.这太空船的武器系统可能仍然完整Thisonemightstillhaveitsweaponssystemintact.它启动了Thisislive.那是倒数吗Isthatacountdown?快躲在防爆门后Getbehindtheblastdoors!刚才真幸运Thatwaslucky.你要守规矩，你现在是团队成员Youneedtofallinline,you'repartofateamnow.我讨厌你Ihateyou.屋顶塌陷Cavein!Theroof!你早起为我冲咖啡吗Hey,yougotupearlytomakemecoffee?谢谢Thankyou.我在累积印象分mbuildingupgoodwill.下周我要当夜班，所以monthelateshiftnextweekso,整周都有凌晨四点的醉酒睡衣派对gotafullweekof4amdrunkslumberparties.棒极了That'sgreat.真棒Great.有什么精彩的吗Anythinggood?没有Nah.一些无聊事情，我讨厌在小镇居住Justsomeboringstuff,Ihatelivinginasmalltown.完全不明白有报章何用，对吧It'slike,whydotheyevenhaveapaper,right?等等，怎么了Waiwhatisit?没事，请不要看Nothing,pleasedon'tlookatit.布鲁退出厚雪锦标赛又如何1mean,sowhat?你没生气？You'renotupset?不，我不会理些无聊报章说我什么No,Idon'tcarewhatsomestupidpapersaysaboutme.肯定是这样Yeah,right.听着，去年Imean,look,lastyear.你骗我关于哈利的事youwerelyingtomeaboutHarry,我以为我会失去你andIthoughtIwasIosingyou,那让我惊慌失措anditthrewme.但现在不同了Butnowit,sdifferent.好的Allright.我以你为荣mproudofyou.谢谢Thankyou.你凌晨四点回来时，我会把门锁上mgoingtolockmydoorwhenyoucomehomeat4am不，我的床很冷，而我懂得开锁No,mybed'sablockoficeandIpicklocks,所以准备好你温暧的脚sogetyourwarmfeetready!我和儿子去的那个攀石场So,thatclimbinggymthatmysonandIgoto其实挺不错，你应该找时间看看isactuallyprettygood,youshouldcheckitoutsometime.我很乐意dloveto.我最近在家健身Youknow,vebeenworkingoutathome.我每天会举克雷斯三次IcurlCletus3timesaday.账单来了，埋单就叫我Hereyougo,wheneveryou'reready.感谢你Thankyouverymuch.没事，我埋单It'sokay,Igotit.20元，可以了20,therewego.好，我要上班了Okay,well,mofftowork.祝你今天愉快Haveagoodday.好的Allright.一你好，丽薇一你好-Hi,Liv.-Hey.你看到吗Didyouseethat?莉娜付了早餐钱1.enapaidforbreakfast.她上周还付了一次晚餐钱Andshepaidfordinneroncelastweek.对，那真的Wow,yeah,that's,like,wow.你应该非常生气Youshouldbesoangryandstuff.再说一次为何要生气Whyagain?因为那不是事物的自然秩序，好吗Becausethat'snotthenaturalorderofthings,allright?男人付钱，女人吃东西Menpay,womeneat.在原始时代已是这样，男人会Thisgoesbacktocavemantimes,themen,they.男人出外狩猎，又寸吧theygooutonahunt,right?他们会杀掉恐龙Andthentheytakedownadinosaur,把它拖回小屋andtheydragitbacktothehut,然后女人andthenthewomen,她们会准备餐具和柠檬汁they'dpreparethecutleryandthenIemonadel然后坐下来做饭前祷告和吃东西thenthey'dallsitdown,saygraceandeat.真厉害，一番话Tothink,justonestatement就包含了两亿年的错误资讯couldcontain200-millionyearsOfmisinformation.长官，我打印了彼得巴贺死去那天Sir,IprintedoutthisstillfromtheCCTVfootage闭路电视片段的相片thedayPeterBachwaskilled.我认为找出这个在副驾驶座的人Ithinkfindingthisguyinthepassengersseat是整个调直的关键isthekeytoourwholeinvestigation.你在做什么？别在这里讨论案情Whatareyoudoing?Nothere.永远不知道谁在监视我们，好吗Youneverknowwhogoteyesandearsonus,allright?你可以晚点才看这相片Youcanlookatthispicturelater.我觉得我不想再看了1don'tthinkIwanttoanymore.我只是觉得我们该去保留区拿Ijustreallythinkweshouldgotothereservationandget.你好，警长Hi,Sheriff.去找那辆货车Getthe,V-A-N,.你不要再碰那辆货车Youneedtoleavethat'V-A-N,alone.它在那里已经一星期It'sbeenthereforaweek.我想查指纹Iwanttocheckfor'F-I-N-G-E-R-P-R-I-N-T-S'.绝对不行'H-E-L-L-L-L1no.两个假警♥察♥出现在你的地方Youhad2fakecopsshowupatyourplace,不管我们的对手是谁whoeverwe,redealingwith,他们都很专业，而且资金充足they'reprofessionalandthey'rewell-funded.听着，那里就有该死的政♥府♥无人机Here,look,theregoadamngovernmentdrone在监视我们watchingusrightnow.我想那只是窗上的芥末酱Ithinkthat'sjustsomemustardonthewindow.不，他们就是想你这样想No,that'swhattheywantyoutothink.你不能相信任何人，副警长Yougottatrustnoone,Deputy.保持警惕'Headonaswivel,你永远都不会安全youain'tneverreallysafe直至你学懂留意身后untilyoulearntolookbehindyourself.来吧，留意身后Goahead,watchyourback.来吧，留意身后Goahead,doit.你想我转身Youwantmetoturnmy.好的Okay.用力点Harder.就是这样Thereyougo.你每天转九次头Nowyoudothat9timesaday,四个月后，你就会有猫头鹰颈in16weeksyou'llhaveowl-neck.但我不想要猫头鹰颈ButIdon,twantowl-neck.所有人都想要猫头鹰颈Everybodywantanowl-neck.早安，副警长Goodmorning,Deputy.有人在巴士站发现这个东西Someonefoundthisbythebusstop.谢谢你，瓦薇Thankyou,Val.祝你今天愉快Haveagoodday.祝你今天愉快Haveagoodday.笔球10时21分怎么回事？副警长Whatdowegothere,Deputy?有人在巴士站附近发现这个东西Someonefounditnearthebusstop.我会仔细检视，看是属于谁的llgothroughitandseewhoitbelongsto.不你来这里不是做文书工作No.You'renotheretodo.doclericalwork.你是佩信斯警局的副警长YouareaDeputyforthePatienceCountySheriffsDepartment.拿着，丽薇副警长会负责检视Here.DeputyLivwillprocessthat.拿去Thereyougo.我今天真幸运Myluckyday.听着1.ook.直觉告诉我可能会有事情发生vegotagutfeelingthatsomethingmightbegoingdown.所以我想你留意So,Ijustwantyoutokeepyoureyespeeled任何有可疑的人foranyonesuspicious.别担心Don'tworry.若有人心怀不轨Ifanybody1Suptosomething,我会知道的llknowit.天啊，你看来真可靠Damn,yousmelllikeawinner.你觉得如何Whatdoyouthink?真完美'Purr-fect'我跟你说过，我们不会养猫Itoldyoualready,wearenotgettingacat你会改变主意You'llchangeyourmind.哈利，你去了哪里Harry,where,veyoubeen?你一小时前就要当值了Yourshiftstartedlike,anhourago.是将军的错，让我上班迟到ItistheGeneral'sfaultformakingmeworklate.不要咬我的蛋蛋Donotbitemyballs.这是绝对不可能发生的事Thereiszeropercentchanceofthathappening.你们好Hello.我想找哈利范德史匹格医生mlookingforDoctorHarryVanderspeigle.我是艾伦mEllen.我才是你要找的人，警官mtheoneyou'relookingfor,Officer.我从今早开始就犯了六次法I'vebroken6lawssincethismorning.你好Hi.你在这里做什么Whatareyoudoinghere?为何你打扮得像万圣节一样AndwhyareyoudressedlikeitisHalloween?我现在住在这里Iliveherenow.找了工作和公♥寓♥Gotajob,anapartment.打算安顿下来Figureddsettlein直至我弄清楚你在盘算什么,tilIfigureoutwhatitisyou'reupto.你理应坐我们提供的船离开这星球YouweresupposedtoleavetheplanetonashipWeprovided,但你仍在这里butyou'restillhere.为什么Why?我不喜欢公共交通工具Idonotlikepublictransportation.所以何不你马上离开Sowhydon'tyougoaway不然我就跟所有人说你是灰人orIwilltelleveryoneyouareaGrey.不，那违反了星际联盟的宪♥章♥Nope,that'sagainsttheGalacticFederation'scharter.附录二，指令五Addendum2,commandorder5,外星人不能揭露自己身份,Noaliencanrevealthemselves'也不能向其他物种揭露另一个外星人身份,oranotheralienbeingtoanon-alien.'我的口袋有宪♥章♥的副本Ihaveacopyofthecharterrighthereinmypocket.那就在第一页It'sonpageone.记住，我在看着你JustknowIamwatchingyou我会弄清楚你在这里做什么andIwillfigureoutwhatyou'redoinghere.我也会弄清楚你在这里做什么AndIwillfigureoutwhatyouaredoinghere.我来这里是弄清楚你在这里做什么mheretofigureoutwhatyou'redoinghere.那我已经弄清楚了，我赢了ThenIjustfigureditout.Iwin.她是你朋友，对吧She'syourfriend,isn'tshe?她非常漂亮She'sverypretty.你不要碰她Youstayawayfromher.我是艾丝塔mAsta.你好，艾丝塔，我是约瑟夫Hi,Asta.mJoseph.你好Hi.我不打扰你们工作了Well,llletyougetbacktowork.只是来打个招呼Ijustwantedtosayhi.我可能要多点来Imighthavetodropbymoreoften.好Cool.好Cool.我有些警♥察♥事情要做IgottagodoFiftiescopStUff但你想晚点一起玩吗butwannahangoutlater?闭嘴Shutup.少来了Comeon.他想见你Hewantstoseeyou.在淋浴间Intheshower.一什么一在淋浴间-What?-Intheshower.一做什么一那是清洁身体的地方-Whatareevendoinghere?-Whereyougocleanyourself.一别唱了一很肮脏-Shutup.-It'sdirty.这不是我第一次看到它It,snotthefirsttimeIsawit.那只猫头鹰上周也在这里Theowlwasherelastweektoo.我今天会买♥♥新的百叶帘mgettingnewblindstoday.什么？甜心，绝对不行What?Honey,noway.猫头鹰盯着你是代表好运Itisgoodlucktohaveanowlstaringatyou.为何是好运Whywoulditbegoodluck?不知道Idon'tknow.我只是乱说，想省掉买♥♥百叶帘的钱Ijustmadeituptosavemoneyonblinds.那就买♥♥百叶帘吧Blindsitis.在人类群体中工作的效率很低Workinginagrouplikeahumanisnotefficient.昨天我花了半天时间YesterdayIspenthalftheday在我的电邮中搜寻数据排序的数字searchingmyemailfordatasequencingnumbers但只找到足球经理人游戏请求butallIfoundwere'FantasyFootball'requests.若我要打败约瑟夫IfIamgoingtodefeatJoseph我就要像真正的外星人般单独行事Ineedtoworkalonelikearealalien.所以我用了人类员工的处理方式SoIhandleditexactlylikeahumanworkerwould.-我发短♥信♥给谢夫，叫他跟将军说我生病了-1textedJeffandaskedhimtotelltheGeneralIwassick.谢夫真不懂说谎Jeffisahorribleliar.你要来上班Youneedtocometowork.我们接收到外星人的对话Wepickedupalienchatter.我需要你听一次Ineedyoutogothroughit.另外，你必须出席人力资源研讨会Plus,youhavetotaketheHRseminar.我有比听对话更重要的事情做1havesomethingbetterthanchatter.我找到一个在对话的人Ihavefoundsomeonewhoisdoingthechattering.为何你会有男孩胸口的相片Whydoyouhaveapictureofaboy'schest?那是我的胸口That'smychest我最近在剃毛Ihavebeenmanscaping.等等，那是我们找的内鬼Wait,that'sourmole!那是枪击彼得巴贺和我的守卫的人That'sthemanwhoshotPeterBachandmyguards.他同时是混血灰人HeisalsoaGreyhybridalien.他已经来了Heishere.我最近在监视他Ihavebeenwatchinghim.这是他喝咖啡的相片Hereheisdrinkingcoffee.这是他过马路的相片Hereheiscrossingthestreet这是我练腿后的相片Thisismeafterlegday.这是他在打可疑电♥话♥的相片Thereheismakingasuspiciousphonecall.那是我的阴♥茎♥Thatismypenis.是，你一定要去人力资源研讨会Yeah,you'redefinitelygonnahavetotaketheHRseminar.听着，我们要查出灰人的意:图1.ook,weneedtofindoutwhattheGreysareupto,我会召集小队捉这个约瑟夫llgetateamtogograbthisJoseph.不No.那么灰人就会知道我们盯上他们Thentheywillknowthatweareontothem.我会亲自应付这个约瑟夫IwilldealwiththisJosephmyself.别担心，我有计划Donotworry,Ihaveaplan.我没有计划Idonothaveaplan.我刚才在漫画店Iwasjustatthecomicbookstore.阴谋论孩子说Theconspiracykidstheresaid那个外星人追踪者的死不是意外theAlienTracker,sdeathwasnoaccident.他是被杀害Hewasmurdered.那些孩子根本不知道他们在说什么Thosekidsdon'tknowwhatthey'retalkingabout.他们觉得大脚八和大脚怪是一样的TheythinkBigfootandSasquatcharethesamething.它们是同一样东西Theyarethesamething.连你也受到他们迷惑Theygottoyoutoo!你太多疑了You'rebeingparanoid.那些孩子其实挺捧的Thosekidsareactuallykindofnice.或许你应该多花时间与他们相处Maybeyoushouldspendmoretimewiththem,认识新朋友makesomenewfriends.我不需要新朋友Idon'tneednewfriends.等等，你不想再当我的朋友吗Wait,doyounotwanttobemyfriendanymore?不是，我是你的朋友，我保护了你Yes.myourfriendandIprotectedyou.我没跟他们说1didn'ttellthem外星人追踪者的死是你的错theAlienTracker,sdeathwasyourfault.什么？怎会是我的错What?Howisitmyfault?你向哈利告发他，结果哈利杀了他YousoldhimouttoHarryandHarrykilledhim.想想吧Thinkaboutit.我们最后知道外星人追踪者活着时ThelasttimeweknewtheAlienTrackerwasalive,他当时正前往哈利的小屋hewasheadedtoHarry'scabin.我们必须去那里四处打探Wehavetogothereandsniffaround.副警长，有什么紧急状况Hey,Deputy.What'stheemergency?我要跟你说件事Ihavetotellyousomething,但我想小心翼翼，以免我们被监视butIwanttobeverycarefuljustincasewe'rebeingwatched.过来Comehere.这样，就算有人在监视我们Thiswayifsomeoneisontous没有人会听到我们说什么nobodycanhearwhatwe'resaying!你去种稻草？You'regoinghaying?不，听着No.Listen.那手提袋属于外星人追踪者的儿子ThatduffelbagbelongstotheAlienTracker'sson.我在一本FI记簿找到情报Ifoundtheinformationinadiary!谁肚泻Who.whohasdiarrhoea?不，日记No.Diary.一肚泻？一日记-Diarrhoea?-Diary.我找到那儿子的心理治疗师的名字AndIfoundthenameoftheson'stherapist他住在犹他州HelivesinUtah.听清楚，他昨晚被杀了Andgetthis,hewasmurderedlastnight!天啊，事情真是峰回路转Damn,thingshavetakenaturn.难怪你肚泻Nowonderyougotdiarrhoea.一什么一你的肚泻-What?-Yourdiarrhoea.听着，我们要找那辆货车1.isten,wegottagetthatvan.约翰的父母有危险John'sparentsaren'tsafe!为何你会肚泻Whydoyouhavediarrhoea?我没有肚泻Idon'thavediarrhoea!我康复了Icleareditup.我吃了很多香蕉和多士Iateabunchofbananasandtoast.我不能约约瑟夫出来Ican'taskJosephout.为何？他看你的眼神像看圣诞火腿Whynot?HelookedatyoulikeaChristmasham.我未准备好约会mjustnotreadytodate.别这样Comeon.看看你，你很完美，你绝对准备好1.ookatyou,you'reperfect,you'remorethanready.你聪明风趣You'resmart,you'refunny.我真想去一间餐厅Iwouldlovetogotoarestaurant是他们不会让我用蜡笔来填写菜单wheretheydon'tgivemeapackofcrayonstocolourmymenu.我想你是要加入我们吧Iguessyou'rejoiningus?不，我只想吃薯条No,Ijustwantedfries.这些需要盐Andtheseneedsalt.实在太快了It,sjusttoosoon.我只是刚离开占美IbarelyleftJimmy.女孩在谈心事吗？我也想玩Isthisgirltalk?Iwanttoplay.尽情倾诉吧，女孩Yougo,girl.达丝和琪拉觉得D'arcyandKaylathink我应该邀请约瑟夫副警长去约会thatIshouldaskthatDeputyJosephonadate.你不能去，女孩Youcannotgo,girl!男人约女人Menaskwomenout.女人不会约男人Womendonotaskmen,这不是她们该做的事itisnottheirplace.你想再说一次吗Doyouwanttotrythatagain?他连护上也不是Heisnotevenanurse,你们不会有任何话题youwillhavenothingtotalkabout.你试过约会吗Haveyoueverbeenonadate?他试过Hehas.话不多，像山羊般亲吻Notmuchofatalker,kisseslikeagoat.谢谢Thankyou.听着，有时候认识新的人是好事1.ook,sometimesit'snicetomeetnewpeople,youknow?了解他们Gettoknowthem.如果艾丝塔与灰人约会IfAstagoesoutwiththeGrey,她能为我收集情报shecangetinformationforme.我改变了主意，你可以约会Ichangedmymind,youcangoonthedate.你觉得她需要你的准许？Youthinksheneedsyourpermission?你说的，姐妹，没错，女王Yousaidit,sister.'Yes,queen/他确实挺有型Hewaskindofcute.这才是我的女孩There'smygirl.这也是我的女孩Anditisalsomygirl.谁统治世界？女孩Whorunstheworld?Girls.你在哪里买♥♥这款香料的Sowhere'dyoupickupthisspice?味道会很好的It'llbegood.你们好，你们一定是约翰的父母Heythere,youmustbeJohn,sparents.我是佩信斯的米克汤臣警长mSheriffMikeThompsonfromPatience,我与你们的媳妇共事Iworkwithyourdaughter-in-law.我约她和约翰在这里见面看货车mmeetingherandJohnheretoseethevan.我们没有媳妇，也没有货车Wedon'thaveadaughter-in-law.Oravan.不认识约翰Don'tknowaJohn.我能发誓是这间房♥子Icouldswearthatthiswastherighthouse.房♥子甚至有白色门的棕色谷仓It'sevengota'brownbarnwithwhitedoors."没有棕色谷仓Don'thaveabrownbarn.也没有白色门Orwhitedoors.那间谷仓Thebarn.在那里的谷仓是棕色Rightthere.It'sbrown.我用自己的双眼看到mlookingatitwithmyowneyes.我们没有眼睛Wedon'thaveeyes.你们说的话