Animal Control《动物管制官（2023）》第二季第一集完整中英文对照剧本.docx

交♥配♥季来了施莱德It,smatingseason,Shred.鸟儿在空中交欢公蛙粘在母蛙身上Birdsdoitmid-air,frogsattachedtootherfrogs,还有动物顶着垃圾桶泄欲alotOfdumpsterhumping.空气中弥漫着爱意1.oveisintheair.爱根本不存在1.ovedoesn'texist.你还在为艾米丽的事苦恼吗AreyoustillmoaningaboutEmily?这都好几个月了It'sbeenmonths.她撕碎了我的心弗兰克Sheblewupmyheart,Frank.你俩都没在一起过Youweren'teventogether.难以置信她选择了里克Well,Ican,tbelieveshechoseRick.你都没向她表白过Younevereventoldheryoulikedher.好吧要说遗憾我是有的Yeah,well,regrets,Ihaveafew!你够了出去Alright,that'sit.Getout.我现在心情很好不想被你破坏minararegoodmoodandyou'rebringingmedown.快出去Getout.我才不出去呢好吗mnotgettingout,ok?我已经过了试用期我们现在是搭档了mnotonprobation,wearenowpartners.今非昔比了Thingshavechanged.但我是高级搭档所以我说了算Well,maseniorpartnersoImaketherules.出去Getout.根据局里规定根本没有高级搭档Seniorpartnerisnotarecognizedcategory这一说accordingtodepartmentregulations.我杳过rIchecked.局里还规定Regulationsalsostate制♥服&hearts必须保持干净整洁thatyouhavetohaveastain-freeuniform.幼稚Childish.没错是很幼稚但也相当爽Yeah,it'schildishanddeeplysatisfying.所有可用单位Allavailableunits,收到报♥警♥卡彭街21号♥的保龄球馆里有浣熊reportofraccoonsinabowlingalley,21CapenStreet.12号♥车响应两分钟后到达Truck12responding,twominutesout.友情提醒浣熊好像喝醉了Wordofcaution:theraccoonsappeartobeinebriated.这就有趣了That'skindoffun.他们是从空调管道进来的然后找到了吧台TheycameinthroughtheA/Cductandhitthebar.这些家伙都满21岁了么Theseguysall21?这场而跟极限运动会的庆功派对有点像Yeah,thisremindsmeoftheXGamesafterparty,除了浣熊少点butwithlessraccoons.这些家伙都满18岁了么Theseguysall18?弗兰克已经用过这个梗的美国版了FrankalreadymadetheAmericanversionofthatjoke.不错Nice.哦天呐各位他是在Ohgod.Guys,ishe.满足某种恋物癖吗Satisfyingaveryspecificfetish?欢迎来到交♥配♥季各位Welcometomatingseason,everyone.所以我都自己带球ThisiswhyIownmyownball.哇好吧Woah!Alright.咱们把这些垃圾熊猫弄上车1.et'sgetthesetrashpandasinthetruck.这位小朋友请上23号♥球道Iwantmylittlefriendinlane23.好的浣熊Ok,raccoon.知道吗Youknowwhat?这样我们得填一堆文件还很不人道It'salotofpaperworkandwildlyinhumane.走吧我让你你朝施莱德扔一个Comeon,I1letyouthrowaballatShred.但这不一样It,snotthesame.施莱德你看到了吗Shred,youseeingthis?一得搞几个硬币一是啊Weneedquarters.-Yeah.你有硬币吗Doyouhavequarters?-Uh.游戏厅里还有更多只There'smoreinthearcade.你负责抓娃娃机我负责游戏厅Yougettheclaw.Igotthearcade.如果厨房♥还开着让他们开始开火吧Ifthekitchen'sopentell'emtostartfrying.我出来后会很饿的mcomingbackhungry.嘿小家伙Hey,littlebuddy.想打高分么Goingforahighscore?我要订这个带私人热水浴的套房♥鸣Oooh.ShouldIbookthesuitewiththeprivatehottub?还是不要了Probablynot.太晚了已经订满rToolate,it'sbooked.在考艾岛度过七个美好日夜SevengloriousdaysandnightsinKauai.虽然是在多雨的那面但这价格还挺合适lt,sontherainysidebutIgotagooddeal.抱歉孕妇能泡热水澡吗Sorry,canapregnantwomanevengoinahottub?可以泡可以浅浅泡到小腿中部Yeah,shecandoalightsoakuptothemid-calf.哦真幸运Oh,luckyher.宝宝月不只是为了犒劳妈妈ABabyMoonisnotjustforthemother.但脏活累活都是她干的呀Yeah,butshe,sdoingallthehardwork.你从下面挤出什么来了吗What,reyoupushingoutofyourvagina?她什么都没订也没计划过Shebookednoneofthis,noplanning.酒店滑索按♥摩♥都是我订的Thehotel,thezip-line,themassages,thatwasallme.我需要休个假好吗Ineedavacation,ok?It,sjust"这次怀孕真的要把我折腾死了Thispregnancyisjust.It'skillingme.瞧瞧这个家伙1.ookatthisguy.你和里克没养狗吧YouandRickdidn'tgetadog,didyou?那就意味着'Causethat'dbe-这是一个很大的承诺That's-Imean,that,sabigcommitment.没养他是我在停车场发现的No,Ifoundhimwanderingintheparkinglot.我给他做个扫描看能不能找到他家人mgonnagethimscanned,seeifIcanfindhisfamily.好吧祝你好运Oh,ok.Wellum,goodluck.他超级可爱吧好了回头见He,ssupercute.Alright,seeyouaround.没错你就继续望眼欲穿吧“Ohyeah,justkeepstaringlongingly.这样就能追到她了That'llgetitdone.哦别移开目光这会打破魔咒Oh,don'tbreakeyecontact.It'llbreakthespell.真希望他能找到一个家Ihopehefindsahome这样就不用受你惊吓了sohedon'tgetcreepedoutbyyouanymore.他没有被吓到Hewasn'tcreepedout.对了忘告诉你们了我和维多利亚看到了阿肯色Hey,Iforgottotellyou,VictoriaandIgotArkansas.我们累计有46个车牌了遥遥领先了That's46licenseplatesforuswhichputsusinthelead.阿肯色Arkansas?不可能No,youdidn't.是真的因为我之前一直Wetotallydid,becauseupuntilnow以为它的发音是阿肯萨斯Ithoughtitwaspronounced"Ar-kansas"其实不是我蛮困惑为啥不这么叫It,snot,andmveryconfusedastohowit'snot.所以你们是碰巧忘了告诉大家Andyoujusthappenedtoforgettotellus你们看到了最罕见的车牌thatyougotoneofthemostelusivelicenseplates,比波多黎各或美属萨摩亚还难得吗onlytoppedbyaplatefromPuertoRicoorAmericanSamoa?你是说我们是骗了Areyoucallingusliars?对说谎的骗子mcallingyoulyingsacksofliars.好吧我不喜欢骗子这词但感觉Yeah,andIdon'tliketousethe1.wordbutrightnow你俩感觉都在吹牛bothofyourpantsareonfire.好的新规则Ok,newrule.光看到车牌不算数还要附上一张Thelicenseplatedoesnotcountunlessitisaccompanied从警车里拍的照片byaphototakenfrominsidethetruck.因为我再重复一次下流肮脏的骗rBecause,again,dirty,lousyliars.我会拍照片的lltakethephotos.好大家听好了Alright,everyone,listenup.行吧你的小气根本影响不到我Hey,yoursmallness?Ithasnoeffectonme.两周之后我就漫步在热带小岛的Intwoweeksmgonnabeloungingonthebeach沙滩之上了inatropicalparadise.对了说到沙滩Hey,speakingofthebeach-没错你会被淋个落汤鸡的小气鬼Yeah.You'llbesoakingintherain,tightwad.时断时续的阵雨还挺可爱的Intermittentshowers.It'sactuallylovely.她刚说大家都听着Shesaid"listenup"谢谢贝塔尼接下来就交给我吧Thanks,Bettany.Um,1cantakeitfromhere.嗯嗯你大胆说Alright.Thefloorisyours.实际上我有个小小的想法Ok.Um,actually,onesmallthought.我知道你才刚做了几周前台Iknowyou'vejustbeenourreceptionistforafewweeks,你表现不错能力过人you'redoingsogreat.Yougoaboveandbeyond,但有时候你会有点做过头了urn,butsometimesit'slikeyougoaboveandbeyond能力太过了aboveandbeyond.哦收到Oh,copy.你桌子上放了小点心Eggbitesareonyourdesk.好的Ok.大家在保龄球馆干得不错Um,tremendousjobatthebowlingalley.我知道大家有时会忘记我们的工作Iknowit'seasytoforgetbutwhatwedohere对这座城市至关重要isvitaltothecity.还有帕特尔你得去打♥针♥狂犬病疫苗AndPatel,youshouldprobablygetarabiesshot.我还能撑几个月mstillgoodforafewmonths.哦对蝙蝠Ohright,thebats.我给忘了Iforgot.迭戈Diego.嗨你来这儿干什么Hi,what,reyoudoinghere?我有事要跟你说Uh,there'ssomethingIneedtotalktoyouabout.哦对你给我打过电♥话♥真抱歉Yes,ohmygod,youcalledme.msosorry.有什么事吗What,sup?我遇到了一个姑娘Uh,Imetsomeone.我想离婚AndIwantadivorce.离婚Divorce?看来话题已经不是阿肯色了Guesswe'renotinArkansasanymore.抱歉我不该这样不请自来msorry,Ishouldn'thaveblindsidedyoulikethat不会没事No,it'sok.很高兴见到你迭戈Goodtoseeyou,Diego.好的再见Ok,seeya.什么鬼Whatthehell?你结婚了You'remarried?各位别激动不是真结婚好吗Guys,relax.Itisn'tarealmarriage,ok?迭戈是我之前爱去的一家俱乐部的DJDiegoisaDJataclubthatIusedtogoto,我当时正好需要绿卡andIjustneededagreencard所以就觉得倒不如结个婚so,like,itmadesenseforustojustdothething.但驾驶室不能藏秘密啊Buttherearen'tsupposedtobeanysecretsinthecab.我把自己结肠镜检查结果都告诉你了Isharedmycolonoscopyresultswithyou.你告诉了所有人还是在吃午餐的时候Yousharedthatwitheveryone.Atlunch.还给我们看了彩色的Incolor.你们陪我一起做了查前准备Youallhadtogothroughtheprepwithme,我必须告诉你们结果啊Iowedyouthepayoff.没有息肉Polypfree.没有息肉Polypfree.别这么心急Uh,notsofast.咖啡只对人籍公民开放Coffeeisfornaturalizedcitizensonly.你还好吗Areyouok?不太好我有点害怕Imean,no,notreally.mkindoffreakingout.我要是没有别的途径拿绿卡IfIcan'tfindanotherwaytogetagreencard就只能离开你们这个破国家了mgonnagetkickedoutofyourstupidcountry.你可以去问问艾米丽YoushouldtalktoEmily局里应该可以赞助你,causeIthinkthedepartmentcouldsponsoryou.等等真的吗他们真的会吗Wait,really?Dotheydothat?我不确定Youknow,mnotsure,但我确定我不会去新西兰看你的butIamsurethatmnotgonnavisityouinNewZealand.太远了It'swaytoofaraway.但咱们可以找个中间点波特兰But,tellyouwhat,meetyouhalfway.Portland.你得对我好一点我刚离婚Youshouldbenicertome.Ijustgotdivorced.嗨里克Wha-hi,Rick.嗨Hi.我是来给自己刷男友分的Icamebytoscoreafewextraboyfriendpoints.你现在几分了3分吗What,reyouuptonow,Rick?Three?也许没那么多但是我尽力了Oh,probablynotthatmany.ButIdomybest.他也太谦虚了真是完美无缺Ha,andhe,shumble.He'sthewholepackage.我们爱里克WeloveRick.这是牡丹吗Awe,arethesepeonies?跟我们在花市看到的那束很像Theylookliketheoneswesawattheflowermarket.何止很像只能说一模一样Thesameoneswesawattheflowermarket.有人返回去买♥♥下来了是谁呢Someonemayhavedoubledback,Idon'tknow.人家都学着点吧That'showyoudoit,people.这位女士就该被这样宠上天That'sthekindOfattentionthisladydeserves.还是说有点人过了贝塔尼Orisittooonthenose,Bettany?我开玩笑呢mkidding.你不断给艾米丽送礼物可真太秀了It'ssoamazingyoukeepshoweringEmilywithgifts.过来抱一个Comehere.等等来吧Wait,comeon.当心点Careful!我不想把花压碎不要把花压碎Don'twannacrush'em.Don'twannacrushthose.我恨里克我恨他IhateRick.Ihatehim.他总是表现出一副好男人的样了Healwaystriestoactlikehe'ssuchagreatdude.AUDCST他就是好男人啊Heisagreatdude.我知道他是个好男人Iknowhe'sagreatdude!所有人都知道他是好男人Everyoneknowshe,sagreatdude.他在花束里加了尤加利弗兰克Imean,heusedeucalyptusinthatbouquet,Frank.这玩意可上档次了That'saqualityfiller.我这会儿就想把你踹下车IwishIcouldthrowyououtofthetruckrightnow,不停车就踹preferablyinmotion.你跟我不应该平起平坐YouandIarenotmeanttobeonequalfooting.尽早习惯吧Well,getusedtoit.这很反自然It,sunnatural.你干嘛总那么挑剔Whyareyoualwayssocritical?我跟你讲过我老爸的事我会把一切冷处理vetoldyouaboutmydad.mtoningitdown.更别提咱俩一次拥抱Don'tevengetmestartedonthefact都没有过了thatwe'veliterallyneverhugged.好的施莱德你赢rAlright,Shred.Youwin.搞什么不是让你抱我Whatthe-No,notthehug.很显然我再怎么说你也不会闭嘴1.ook,clearlywhatI'vebeendoingisnotshuttingyouup,所以你要怎样才会忘记艾米丽sowhat'sgonnatakeyourmindoffEmily?不管是什么咱们今天就去做这个Whateverthatis,that,swhatwe'redoingtoday.你是说咱俩过一天特殊日Really?1.ikemyownspecialday?就像施莱德日一样1.ikeaShred'sDay?更像是一顿加长午餐不过行吧Morelikealonglunch,butsure.不管是什么你都保证不评判我WhateverIwant,youpromisenottojudgeme?哦不可能的Oh,absolutelynot.你能让米开朗基罗放弃雕刻吗WouldyouaskMichelangelonottosculpt?我以为他更爱用双截棍呢1thoughthewasmoreofanunchuckguy.别又来忍♥者神龟那一套NottheNinjaTurtle.我知道!know!太好玩了我已经感觉好多了Thisisamazing!Ifeelbetteralready!不好意思借过今天是是施莱德日Excuseme,comingthrough.It'sShred,sDay.来啊弗兰克一起啊Comeon,Frank!Joinme!燥起来很好玩的Getsomeair,it,sfun!我已经贿赂人家让两个幼稚成年人进来了I'vealreadybribedthemtolettwochildishadultmeninhere.不能得寸进尺了vedoneenough.米啊助弹一下我我想跳更高Comeon,doublebounceme!Ineedmoreheight!助弹一下我Doublebounceme!我不会让你被驱逐出境的mnotgonnaletyougetdeported.我不想失去你不管是作为同事还是朋友Idon'twanttoloseyouasanofficerorasafriend,所以我现在就打电♥话♥soIwillcallrightnow.谢谢你Thankyou.2号♥线朗达人力资源部1.inetwo,Rhonda,HR.哇谢谢你贝泰妮Wow,thanksBettany.她也太厉害了She'ssogood.你好朗达嗨Yeah.Rhonda,hi.对我们出了点状况Yeah,wehaveabitofasituation.我手下最好的官员要失去绿卡了Uh,oneofmybestofficersmightlosehergreencard我想问问如果局里赞助她办绿卡anddliketoknowtheprotocol应该怎么走流程forthedepartmenttosponsorher.什么等等真的吗Oh,what?Uh,wait,really?我们做不到Wecan,t?什么她在说什么What?Whatisshesaying?开免提Put-putheronspeaker.所以动物管控官Soanimalcontrolofficers并不认为是必要人才arenotconsideredessentialworkers.哦不Oh,uh,no.但我们对城市的生活至关重要Wearevitaltothelifeofthecity.那什么人才是重要人才呢Thenwhoisconsideredessential,huh?警♥察♥消防员任何与I相关人员Police,firefightersofcourse,anythingITrelated,还有环卫工人andsanitationworkers.也就是除了我们之外的所有公务员吗Sobasicallyeverypublicservicebutus?等等我在查阅表格Holdonasec,justlookingatmylist.没错所有人除了你们Yes,CorrectsEveryonebutyou.还有什么我能帮忙的吗Now,isthereanythingelseIcanhelp-很抱歉msorry.我会我会想别的办法的mgonna-mgonnafiguresomethingout.不然我就去做个辣到冒烟的清洁工OrIwillbecomeasmokinghotgarbageman.跟朗达通话不愉快吗IsRhondabeinganissue?是的-不是Yeah.-No.是的Yeah.总部那个开蓝色的尼桑电车的对吗Centraloffice,blueNissan1.eatright?你什么都不需要做贝塔尼Youdon,tneedtodoanything,Bettany.听起来像朗达SoundslikeRhonda.对我听到你的话了Ohyeah,Ihearyou.你不想让我拿朗达和她的车怎么样Youdon'twantmetodoanythingtoRhondaorhercar.不想No.你是我的上司让大家听到Andit'simportantasmysupervisor这句话很重要thatyougetitontherecord.是啊好吧Yeah,ok.她为啥要那样笑Whyisshesmilinglikethat?贝塔尼贝塔尼Bettany!Bettany!她好厉否啊She'sgreat.我都摸到屋顶了弗兰克Itouchedtheroof,Frank.我上次呼吸到那么多空气还是在滑雪的时候Ihaven'tgottenthatmuchairsincemysnowboardingdays.我得承认你赢过那些小孩儿时Youknow,Igottaadmit,whenyoucollidedwiththosetoddlers我脸上露出了笑容itputasmileonmyface.太有意思了Itwasfunny.现在呢等着被城里最好吃的华夫饼Andnowbepreparedtohaveyourmindblown震翻三观吧bythebestwafflesinthecity.哦这个菜单还能秒变皇冠Oh,andyoucanturnthismenuintoacrown.我是施莱德节之干IamthekingofShred'sDay.啊老天爷啊Ohgod.拜托叫国王"就行”Please,just"king".好吧你别回头看哈那边的服务员Ok,don'tlook,buttheserveroverthere.给那桌不是国王的人点单的那个Theonetakingordersfromthoseuncrownedgentlemen?就是跟我玩消失那女生That'sthewomanthatghostedme.她就是贾思敏啊去跟她聊聊That'sYasmine?Gotalktoher.我才不要去跟她聊mnotgonnatalktoher.弗兰克这是命运的安排你必须去Frank,it'sserendipity.Youhaveto.你帮我搞定了艾米丽所以上天YouhelpedmewithEmilyandtheuniverse,我知道你不相信这种事whichIknowyoudon'tbelieveinthiskindofthing,上天会奖励你的rewardedyou.不这太丢脸了No,itwashumiliating.我告诉大家她搬走了但事实却是Itoldeveryoneshelefttownbutthetruthis我带她去看海鹰队的比赛ItookhertoaSeahawksgame她去买♥♥三明治andshewenttogogetaHawk,sNestdog就再也没有回来andnevercameback.永远给你和你最爱的球队Foreverretainingyourassociation蒙上一层阴影withyourfavoriteteam.她朝这边看了She'slookingoverhere.天啊是我的王冠太吸睛了Ohgod.It'smycrownthatdrawstheeye.弗兰克Frank?嘿贾思敏Oh,heyYasmine.我一直希望某天能遇见你Iwashopingthatdrunintoyouoneday.之前的事真是不好意思1feltsoterribleaboutwhathappened.哦没关系Oh,that,sok.你肯定已经听说了我们打败了野马队msureyou'veheardbynow,webeattheBroncos.我该向你道歉Well,Ioweyouanapology.不用了好吧你确实应该That'snot-Yes,youdo.Youactuallydo.听着我现在正忙午班1.isten,minthemiddleoflunchrush.我们一会儿可以出去喝一杯Isthereanychancethatmaybewecouldgrabadrinklater给我一个解释的机会么andIcouldexplainmyself?好吧当然Yeah,sure.好吧Okay.等我搞定了这个过生日的孩子再说Imean,oncemdonewiththisMake-a-Wishkid.SEATT1.E他是个成年人是我搭档啦He,sagrownman.That'smypartner.是部分的好吧That'syourpart-Right.开着的It'sopen.出于专业的礼貌Professionalcourtesy.我和23区的几个人Meandsomeofthemenfromthe2-3来取点狗粮areheretorequisitionsomedogfood.并不是说需要你批准Notthat1needyourpermission因为这是上头直接安排的causeit,scomingstraightfromthetop.都拿去吧Justtakeitall.你为啥这么萎靡What'swiththesadsacksituation?女强人撑不住了吗BossIadydown?我以为自己在用生命IjustthoughtIwasdoingsomethingmeaningful做有意义的事withmylife但我刚发现原来我们所做的一切都这么无关紧要butIjustfoundoutwhatwedohereisconsideredinessential.甚至是毫无意义Hmm.Iwouldhavegonewithpointless.这句话对你也适用坦普尔顿Itappliestoyou,too,Templeton.我只在乎一个人的意见There'sonlyoneopinionthatmatterstome就是照镜子时看到的那个人andthat'stheguyinthemirror.他会对我竖起大拇指有时还会给我一个吻Andhegivesmeathumbsup,andsometimesakiss.好吧我就是Ok.Ijust.我选择这份工作1don'tknow,1wantedthisjob是因为我想有所作为'causeIwantedtomakeadifference.创造力中心有个职位There'sapositionatthereccenter要和盲童一起工作workingwiththeblindkids.什么What?我不确定他们是不是完全看不见总之视力障碍Notsurethey'reallthewayblindbutthey'reblindenough已经到了没法做运动的地步thattheydon'tletthemplaysports.我不会辞职的mnotquittingmyjob.暂时不会Yet那我告诉你我已经在做热身准备了Justsoyouknow,mwarmingupinthebullpen等朗达一声令下我就上场forwhenRhonda'sreadytobringintheright-hander.晚安Nighty-night.迭戈为啥这么突然想结婚WhydoesDiegowanttogetmarriedsobadanyway?他告诉你他恋爱了Hetoldyou,he'sfalleninlove他想和她共度余生andwantstospendtherestofhislifewithher.我现在得申请公民身份了Imean,like,nowIhavetoapplyforcitizenship.可我真的不擅长考试mareallyterribletest-taker.我是不可能记住所有总统姓名的There'snowaymgonnabeabletomemorize也不可能学会那些议会规则allofthepresidentsorlearnalltherulesofparliament.呃但我们没有议会Uh,wedon'thaveaparliament.你们没有吗Youdon'thaveapari-areyou-没有No.也不戴假发吗There'snowigs?对不戴假发No,nowigs.天我肯定考不过的Ohmygod,I'mdefinitelygonnafailthisthing.是啊很有可能Yeah,that,sverylikely.你好我的波利尼西亚公主产检如何了宝贝Hello,myPolynesianprincess.How'sthedoctor'soffice,baby?哦不Ohno.Ohno.我很抱歉msosorry.好的我爱你宝贝再见Yeah,ok.Iloveyou,baby.Bye.没什么事吧Iseverythingok?没事都很好Yeah,everything'sfine.Fine.他们只是为了以防万一They're-it'sjustaprecaution.医生让她卧床休息直到孩子出生They'reputtingheronbedrestuntilthebaby'sborn.好