Animal Control《动物管制官（2023）》第二季第七集完整中英文对照剧本.docx

玛雅今晚想约会Mayawantstododatenighttonight.她不需要卧床休息了吗Issheoffpregnancybedrest?没她想在床上约会No,shewantstodothewholethinginbed,所以我得把一切计划好Igettoplaneverything,她还想让我“把她袜子惊艳掉”andshewantsmeto"knockhercompressionsocksoff".这是指上♥床♥吗Isthatsex?不你们可以来个泡泡浴No.Youcoulddoaspongebath还可以在浴缸里放点椰子油andthenyoucouldputcoconutoilinthetub.那样也不错Thatwouldbenice.不椰子的味道原话是“让我想杀了你”No.Thesmellofcoconut"makesmewanttokillyou".你别再引用别人的话了Youhavetostopwiththequotething,都让我开始可怜你和你的生活了it'smakingmesadforyouandyourlife.不会吧不会吧Noway.Noway.全国房♥车盛会这可是车牌云集的地方NationalRVJamboree!Thatisalicenseplatejackpot.耶耶耶耶Themotherlode.我们可以拍到幻影车牌了Wecouldgetthephantomplateitself,就是那些传说中并不存在的车牌theonethatsomesaydoesn'tevenexist.波多黎各PuertoRico!12号♥车请回复8车有问题要问Truck12pleaserespond.Truck8hasaquestion.你们觉得自己是俩废柴呢Doyouguysidentifyas,like,twoindividuallosers还是一坨废柴合体orjustlikeabiglumpofloser?再说一遍Comeagain?他们拍到一个好车牌Theygotalicenseplate.不只是一个车牌中看不中用的东西Notjustoneplate,youchiseleddogs.我们马上要拍到所有车牌了赢得比赛rWe'reabouttowinthiscompetitionandgetallofthem.我才不相信你们的眼力Iwouldn'ttrustyoureyes,你刚竟说施莱德很“中看”youjustcalledShred,chiseled".我们就要去车牌天堂了各位We'reabouttoenterlicenseplateheaven,lads.胜券在握Victoryisours.8号♥车请回答Truck8,pleaserespond.阿科拉大街1243号♥发现臭鼬Reportofaskunkat1243ArcolaAve.不No!8号♥车请求暂停接单Uh,truck8isrequestingtobeexcused,please.出医疗原因我们有医嘱的Formedicalreasons.Wehaveanote.调度中心12车询问8车位置Dispatch,truck12requeststruck8,slocation以帮助施以医疗帮助tohelpadministermedicalassistance.哼他们才不会来帮助No,they'renotassisting!他们想截胡我们的车牌They'retryingtostealourlicenseplatehoneypot!8号♥车在第四大道和主街交口Truck8isat4thandMain,玫瑰集市外面outsidetheRoseFairgrounds.谢谢你调度Thankyou,dispatch.感谢日号♥车又为我们上演了一集Andthishasbeenanotherepisodeofthe1.ovable1.osers,可爱的废柴starringtruck8施莱德播放主题曲Shred?Themesongme.哦是吗Really?你是个废柴但你很可爱Youaloser,butyou'relovable.你是个废柴而且臭烘烘You'realoser,andyoustink.你得按下这个按钮他们才能听到你Yougottapushthebuttondownifyouwantthemtohearyou.好了接下来这个州很小Now,thisnextstateweneverthought我们根本没想到能拍到we,dgetbecauseit'ssodangsmall.弗兰克请为大家展示海洋之州Frank,showmetheoceanstate.罗德岛州最小也是最腐♥败♥的州RhodeIsland,thesmallestandmostcorruptstate.就像美国的肾结石ItisthekidneystoneofAmerica.来见见辛格尔顿一家吧MeettheSingletonfamily.人都是好人就是内部关系太乱Goodpeople,butveryunclearhowtheywereallrelated.看这一张1.ookatthatone.等等那是他儿子吗Wait,isthattheson?他们说下一个轮到我我撒丫子就跑了Yeah,theysaiditwasmyturnnextsoIran.你好臭把狗都臭到了Youreek.You'veupsetthedog.哦你们来了好吧Oh,theretheyare.Okay.嘿去过罗德岛吗Hey,everbeentoRhodeIsland?我等等谁被臭鼬喷广Wait,whogotskunked?对是我我被喷到了Yeah,that'sme.Ididgetskunked.问我搭档有没被喷到她没有Askmeifmypartnerdid.Shedidnot.人有时就是这么幸运Sometimesyougetlucky.你把我当人肉盾牌Youusedmeasahumanshield.好吧讲真真的很臭吗Ok,behonestIsitbad?我们人事部开会说过决不能评论员工的体味InourHRmeetingtheymakeitcleartonevercomment但我的天哪我请你出去onanemployee'ssmellbutohmygodpleasegooutside.真的很臭It,sverybad.不行得让他先看看夏威夷车牌Nope.NotuntilheseestheHawaiiplate.我不小心拍成了视频但依然作数Iaccidentallyshotavideobutitstillcounts.依然作数Itstillcounts.施莱德Shred.我对不起我看不见1.Sorry,Ican,tsee.他看不见Hecan'tsee.不No.我们离大获全胜只剩一个州了西维吉尼亚Weareonestateawayfrom.totalvictory,WestVirginia.乡间小路带我回家吧Countryroads,takemehome.好吧我得把身上的臭气洗掉Ok,Igottagogetthisstenchoffme.拜托了Yeah,please.玛雅说得很清楚我问家时身上啥味都不能有Mayawasveryclearaboutmecominghomesmellingneutral.啥味都不能有Neutral!去吧我叫个闪送买♥♥点番茄汁给你泡一下Yougo,mgonnaPostMatessometomatojuiceforyoutosoakin.你能顺便叫个饼吗Canyouputsomecrackersinthatorder?或是其他能蘸番茄汁的东西Oranythingthat'sdipableinthetomatostuff,ok?好的Ok.嘿妞你有空吗Uh,heygirl.Doyouhaveasecond?有啊Yeah.没啊都很好No,nothing'swrong.只不过你的绿卡前夫给你It,sjustyourgreencardex-husbanddroppedoff送来了邮件somemailforyou.哦好吧Oh,ok.六周前就到了真抱歉Sixweeksago.Sorryaboutthat.我是刚在书架文件夹下找到的Ijustfounditonmybookshelfunderthefolder还有一些我要给你的书andsomebooksmgonnagettoyou.这封来自美国国土安♥全♥部♥Thatone'sfromtheUSDepartmentofHomelandSecurity.是啊Yeah.看起来很正式Itlooksofficial.我得先给你提个醒Ijustwantedtoflagthatforyou.天啊艾米丽Ohmygod,Emily.上面说我的入籍考试安排在10号♥Thissaysthatmycitizenshiptestisscheduledforthe10th.这个月的10号♥The10th?Ofthismonth?我死定了mtoast!这本破书我连翻都没翻过1haven'tevencrackedopenthisfreakin,book!这这书还挺厚Oh,that,sa-that'sabigbook.我是个小学霸让我帮你吧msogoodatstudying.1.etmehelpyou.现在还是六周前这差别可老大了Now,orsixweeksagowhenitmighthavemadeadifference?说的好很高兴我们还能开玩笑That'sgood.Yeah,mgladwe'relaughingaboutthis.不过我超级想帮你Um.no,mverymotivatedtohelpyou因为我想让你留在这个国家becauseIwantyoutostayinthiscountry,而且我受不了别人生我气andalsoIreallycan'tstandpeoplebeingmadatme.前提是你真的生气了Ifyou'remadatme.我分不清你到底有没有生气你生气了吗Icouldn'ttellifyouwereoryouweren'tor-areyou?你真的想知道吗Doyouwantmetosay?不我不想知道No,Idon'twanttoknow.咱们来先看看这些书吧1.et'sjustgetintothosebooks.弗兰克有人报♥警♥说有只天鹅很凶Oh,um,heyFrank,we'regettingacallaboutanaggressiveswan.在哪儿Where?奥克伍德乡村俱乐部Oh,urn,uh,OakwoodCountryClub.雄性超大只双眼无神Oversizedmale,deadeyes,而且喜欢吃人肉这就是证明atasteforhumanfleshasindicatedbythis?哇被天鹅咬的啊Woah.Swanscar.我一直以为是肺结核疫苗留下的IalwaysthoughtthatwasaTBvaccine栖息在我最爱的两个雀斑之间nestledbetweenmytwofavoritefreckles.你能不能别记我胳膊的样子了Willyoustopmemorizingmyarms.我没收到太多细节Ididn'tgetatonofspecifics,他们只说它会吓到会员theyjustsaidit,sterrorizingthemembers.没错就是他白色恶魔Oh,yeah,that'shim.ElDiabloBlanco.我的大白鲸Mywhitewhale.等等所以到底是天鹅还是鲸鱼Wait,soisitaswanorawhale?这是大白鲸（莫比迪克）里的台词It,saMobyDickreference.工作场合不能说这种话弗兰克Youcan'tsaystufflikethatatwork,Frank.你每次坐在火炉前跟里克提起的Ok,isthistheswanthatyouandRicktalkabout那只天鹅就是它吗everytimeyousitinfrontofafire?是的Yeah.因为烟雾让我想起它幽灵般的性Becausethesmokeremindsusofhisphantomlikenature.但这次我要捕捉这烟雾ButthistimeIwillcapturethesmoke.好的Ok.我知道这不可能AndIknowthat'simpossible但话已经说到这里了butthisiswheretheanalogyhasleadme.我要为这个疤报仇mgoingtotakerevengeforthis.哦天啊Oh,lord.这也太白了-好白It'sjustsomuchwhiterSowhite.比我想象中还要白thanyouthinkit'sgonnabe.活像个保龄球瓶It,slikeabowlingpin.西雅图这个冬天很漫长的把注意力放在伤疤上ItwasalongwinterinSeattle.Focusonthescar.等等疤在哪儿Hangon,where'sthescar?伤疤在哪里Whereisthescar?好吧Ok.弗兰克你还好吗Frank,youok?你好几里路都没眨眼了Youhaven'tblinkedforafewmiles.我从高中就想抓到那只天鹅来着vebeentryingtocatchthatswansincehighschool.我不想涉及敏感的数学问题哈Idon'twannawadeintoanysensitivemathhere但是天鹅有可能活那么久吗butisitpossibleforaswantolivethatlong?心中有仇恨就可以活很久Oh,youcanlivealongtimewithenoughhateinyourheart.这是我爸教我的That'swhatmydadtaughtme.我十几岁时在那个乡村俱乐部当球童Iwasacaddyatthatcountryclubasateenager.哇哦英雄起源的故事来了Ohyeah,herecomesthehero,soriginstory.那里的所有人都是为富不仁的混♥蛋♥Everybodytherewasjustabunchofrichdouchebags但我挺过来了butIpoweredthrough.我辛苦攒了一个夏天终于买♥♥下人生中第一台随身听IsavedallsummerandIfinallyboughtmyfirstDisc-man.我不知道那是什么但你最好用中性表达Idon'tknowwhatthatisbutIthinkyoumeanDisc-person.它能播放CDItplaysCD's.光盘Compactdiscs.明白Igotit.我把它挂在腰带上紧挨着我的传呼机Snappedrightontomybeltnexttomybeeper.太酷了Itwassocool.我奶奶有个传呼机Mynanahadabeeper.我待会再收拾你mgonnahityoulater.白色恶魔从我手中夺走了随身听ElDiabloBlancostoletheDisc-manfrommyhands从那以后我只见过他两次andveonlyseenhimtwicesince.一次是它袭击了一个婴儿Onceonlocalnewswhenheattackedababy,第二次是我和里克接到了报♥警♥andsecondwhenRickandIgotthecall.我们以为控制住了他结果被他反制Wethoughtwehadhim,buthehadus.所以里克辜负门尔SoRickfailedyou,还能当你最喜欢的搭档yetheremainsyourfavoritepartnerever?是的Yep.我施莱德泰勒你的现搭档WellI,ShredTaylor,yourcurrentpartner,是你第二喜欢的搭档吗isyoursecondfavorite?绝对不是Absolutelynot.排中等吗Mid-range?比德文高一名吧OneaboveDevon.工作期间酒驾的那个德文DUIduringworkDevon?!他在午餐前都很有趣的Ah,hewasalotoffunbeforelunch.好吧但要是我帮你抓住白色恶魔呢Ok,butwhatifIhelpyoucatchyourElDiabloCody?我就能上升到第一超过里克吗Doesthatbumpmeuptonumberone,aheadofRick?你要真帮我抓住那只天鹅那就亳无悬念了Ifyouhelpmecatchthatswanallbetsareoff.我要灭了那只鸟Iamgoingtodestroythatbird.用人道捕获和重新安置的方式Byhumanelycapturingandrehousinghim.先生你车不能停这里这是会员停车位Sir,youcan'tparkthathere.It'smembersonlyparking.我们是本政♥府♥的时尚警♥察♥Oh,we,rewiththecity.FashionPolice.我们接到报♥警♥说你裤子-太丑Wegotacallregardingyourpants.达伦一切都好吗Darren,everythingokayoverhere?我在处理了贝丝mhandlingit,Beth.没错贝丝达伦能处理YeahBeth,Darren'sgotit.我们要去第17洞We'rejustheadedtothe17thhole.弗兰克知道位置Frankknowswhereitis.他70年代在这里当过球童Heactuallyusedtocaddyhereinthe70's.哎哟弗兰克0w,Frank!你打太疼了That'stoohard!因为这是两拳加在一起的前面那次还没打It,s,causeitwastwopunches.Iowedyouonefromearlier.非会员之间的斗殴贝丝Non-member,sfight,Beth.我马上报♥警♥mcallingitin.看到了吗See?混♥蛋♥Douchebags.贝丝叫他们快点来Beth,tellthemtohurry.天鹅就在附近你听Theswanisclose.1.isten.注意Fore!6注意”要在球差点砸死人之前喊的Youyell"fore"beforetheballalmostkillsus!计划如下我负责侦察周边Here'stheplan.mgonnascouttheperimeter.你去烧烤区给我们买♥♥两份总汇三明治多加蛋黄酱Yougotothegrill,getustwoB1.T's,extramayo.我们即将上战场我们应该吃的饱饱的Wearegoingintobattle.Wedeserveawarrior'sfeast.我这就去monit.注意Fore!你是在瞄着我们打吗Areyouaimingatus?!哦这样好多了你闻闻Ohyeah,that'sbetter.Sniffme.闻起来像是馔了的血腥玛丽IthinkyousmelllikearancidBloodyMary.什么那我和玛雅的约会之夜怎么办What?WhataboutdatenightwithMaya?我只剩七个小时了维多利亚Ionlyhavelikesevenhours,Victoria.我得增加自己的沉浸时间Igottaincreasemysteeptime.下去吧Gounder.所以呢我改完你的试题rSoIfinishedcorrectingyourpracticetest.怎么样Yeah?你答对了7题Yougotsevenright.总题数是60题Outof60.真差劲相当差劲That'sterrible!That'sterrible.天啊这也太糟了Ohman,thisisbad.Thisisreallybad.我没希望了mhopeless.我觉得要被压力压得喘不过气来了Ijustfeellikemchokingunderthepressure.别放弃有个新办法Don'tgiveup.Newapproach.我在抖音上有些孩子通过跳舞IsawthisTikTokofthesekidsdoingadance来记考试答案tomemorizetestanswers.这是太空步吗我们现在还能跳太空步吗This-isthisamoonwalk?Arewestillallowedtodothat?你会明白的You'llsee.首先你把答案融入你的肢体Firstyougettheanswersinyourbody然后再把它们记在脑子里andthenyougettheminyourmind.这就是你肢体的答案Thesearetheanswersinyourbody?你还好吗Areyouok?心里这个时候要想着宪法JustthinkingaboutTheConstitution.真这么操作吗-是的That'swhatthatis?-Yeah.底部好像有东西Ifeltsomethingonthebottom.这个箱子是从哪儿弄的Wheredidwegetthisbin?从狗窝后面找的Igotitfrombehindthekennels.狗窝后面Behindthekennels?是啊Yeah.你做得很好You'redoingagreatjob.施莱德的餐OrderforShred?在Yes!两份总会三明治打包TwoB1.T,stogo.谢谢你Thankyou.站住喂等等Hey,hey.Holdon.这还真少见哈Uh,thisisalittlecrazy但你叫施莱德又跟我点了butwhatarethechancesyournameisShred一模一样东西的几率有多大呢andyouorderedtheexactsamethingasme?被抓包了对不起Busted.Sorry.没关系这次我就给你警告了事吧It,sok.1Iletyouoffwithawarning.111射谢Thanks.我看你穿了件公用夹克Iseeyouuh,gottheloanerjacket.不这是我的衣服我其实瘦了100磅No,thisismine.Iactuallylost100pounds.厉害啊Impressive.谢谢你Thankyou.想来一颗老式止咳糖吗Wouldyoulikeavintagecoughlozenge?不了谢谢Um,nothankyou,我又不是80岁老太太'causemactuallynotan80-year-oldwoman.明白-嗯Igetthat.-Mmhmm.行吧我得回池塘那边去了Um,anyway,Igottagetbacktomypond,我要去抓17洞附近的一只天鹅chasingaswanonthe17thhole.哦17洞Ooh,17thhole?-Mmhmm.我可以和你一起走吗CouldIwalkwithyou?那边一般会有无人看管的饮料车There'susuallyanunattendeddrinkcartoverthere.当然可以一起了什么鬼Youcanabsolutelywalkwithme.Whatthehell?我口袋里怎么到处是这种东西Ikeepfindingstuffinthesepockets.给我看得目瞪口呆lt,strulycrazytowatch.那我们走吧Shallwe?我不是都答应了吗vealreadysaidyes.好了天鹅Alright,swan.听一听这来自80年代的求偶召唤吧Getreadyforabeautifulmatingcallfrom1980.whatever.我好像技艺生疏了Imightbealittlerusty.你看到我的球了吗Haveyouseenmyball?哦又是你Oh,youagain.橙色泰特牌的It'sanorangeTitleist.没看到Ihaven't.是橙色的It'sorange.好吧Ok.我在找一只天鹅是白色的mlookingforawhiteswan.我们是在比谁说的带颜色的物体多吗Shouldwejustnamethecolorofthings?小草绿色的该你了Green,grass.Yourturn.好吧谢谢Ok,thankyou.白色恶魔ElDiabloBlanco.化成灰我也能听出来drecognizethathissanywhere.施莱德感叹号♥我发现天鹅了Shredexclamationpoint,Ihavespottedtheswan,感叹号♥快回来感叹v♥exclamationpoint,comebackASAP,exclamationpoint,发送消息sendmessage.不不要输入发送信息”No,don'ttype"sendmessage".不不要输入先不要发送No,don'ttype-nodon'tsendmessage.五六七八Five,six,seven,eight.健康和能源交通Healthandenergy,transportation,国土安全教育homelandsecurity,education.劳工国家商业住房♥退伍军人事务1.abor,state,commerce,hut,veteran'saffairs.农业Agriculture-好吧这样好像行不通Yeah,Ifeellikethisisn'tworking.我考试时又不会跳这支舞所以1.ike-well,it'snotlikeIcandothedanceonthetest,so.我觉得你穿的靴子太重了IfeellikethebootsareWeighingyoudown.不如换上我桌里那双备用爵士鞋Whydon'tyouusemysparejazzshoesIkeepinmydesk?我们应该都穿8号♥所以Ithinkwe'rebothasizeeight,so.天你记得大家的鞋码Ohwow,youknoweveryone'sshoesize却把我最重要的邮件放错地方yetsomehowyoumisplacemyveryimportantmail.我真是想不通Howdoesthathappen?还是把注意力放跳舞上吧Uh,let,sjustfocusonthedance.不要这个舞好盘No,thedanceisstupid我肯定要被驱逐出境了傻小慢儿andI'mgonnagetdeported,younumpty.我觉得没必要故意Idon'treallythinkit'snecessarytosaythings说这些伤人的话thatmprettysurearemeanttobehurtful.再说你要是多少学一点Andmaybeifyou'djuststudiedjustalittlebit我们也不至于陷入这种境地wewouldn'treallybeinthissituation.你要把矛头指向我吗Wow,you'regonnaturnthisaroundonme?明明是你搞丢了我的邮件Becauseyouweretheonewholostmymail.但你什么事都拖到最后一刻Butyouleavethingstotheverylastsecond这是你本身的品质问题andthat'saqualitythatyouhave.哇哦好所以你打算发动全面攻击Wow,ok.Soyouwannagoglobal.你想上升到人品吗Youwannatalkaboutqualities.是啊聊聊呗Yeah.Yeah.行啊我能说一堆呢Ok,Ihaveheaps.你总是Youalways-等等不我改主意了Youknow,I-nope,Ihavechangedmymind.一堆感觉好多的样子Heapssoundsliketoomuch.害怕对抗这绝对是之一Afraidofconfrontation.That'sdefinitelyone.行吧那你听着Well,confrontthis.我觉得你的齐眉穗儿也不咋地Iamnolongersosureaboutyourbangs.我的什么Mywhat?你的刘海儿Yourfringe.好吧Ok.办公室很多人都是因为我才留刘海儿的Alotofpeopleinthisofficegotafringebecauseofme.调度中心的苏你觉得她一个人能Sueindispatch,youthinkshejusthastheconfidence下定决心留刘海吗-不是我说服她的togetafringeallbyherself?No.Italkedherintothat.这是整个球场上最漂亮的地方Mm.Thisistheprettiestspotonthewholecourse.我以前是这里一个会员家的保姆Iusedtonannyforafamilythataremembershere我现在还用他的号♥偷溜进来andIstillusetheirnumbertosneakin.大家似乎并不介意除了保安你懂的Peopledon'tseemtomind,except,youknow,security.我以前巡回赛的时候也喜欢从欧陆早餐中Well,vebeenknowntopocketanextrabagelortwo顺一两个贝果装自己腰包大家都知道fromthecontinentalbreakfast.WhenIwasontour.你参加什么巡回赛Whatwereyouontourfor?这上去像在吹牛Thisisgonnasoundlikeabrag但我以前是专业单板滑雪运动员butIusedtobeaprofessionalsnowboarder.直到我的前交叉韧带受伤UntilIblewoutmyAC1.我的前交叉韧带也受伤rIblewoutmyAC1.什么是啊What?-Mmhmm.真的-嗯嗯Really?-Mmhmm.但我玩的是真正的运动跳台跳水Butinarealsporplatformdiving.那是真正的是啊Is.that,sarealItis.真酷Cool.你是左腿还是右腿？Rightorleft?左腿Iblewoutmyleft.好吧Right.我们要是一起参加绑腿跑会很吃亏哦We'dbeterribleinathree-leggedrace.顺便一提这个三明治太好吃了Thissandwichisincredible,bytheway.好吧Right.哦天啊天呐Ohgod.Ohgod!怎么啦What?咱俩谁吃了弗兰克的三明治OneofusiseatingFrank'ssandwich!弗兰克是谁Who,sFrank?抱歉我得走了但跟你的偶遇好神奇msosorrybutIhavetogo.Butthishasbeenamazing.能告诉我你电♥话♥号♥码吗CanIhaveyournumber?当然真的吗Sure.Really?是啊Yeah.太疯狂了That'scrazy.牛仔裤和皮夹克.jeansandaleatherjacket,牛仔裤和皮夹克jeansandaleatherjacket.天啊Ohmygod.喂我能搭顺风车问果岭吗Yo!MindifIhitcharidebacktothegreen?谢谢你Thankyou.我才是真得走了Iactuallyreallyhavetogo,但今天很棒给我打电♥话♥吧butthiswasgreatandyoushouldcallme.好的-好Ok.Yeah.你好-我会的Hi.-Iwill.谢谢-我会打的Thankyou.Iwill.Iwillcall.开快点约翰尼Floor