Futurama《飞出个未来（1999）》第八季第八集完整中英文对照剧本.docx

（如果你能读这句文字）（表示你距离萤幕太远）（吃吧!单身狗粮）（现推出口味!）（老妈牌老式机器人润滑油）（集体催眠时间）（单身狗粮）（老妈牌友善机器人公♥司♥）舰长日志,星历是全国甜甜圈日Captain'slog,Stardate,NationalDonutDay.我们正遭到一艘由固体火焰制成的太空船攻击We'reunderattackfromashipmadeofsolidfire.所有武器的攻击都会彻底穿过那艘火船Allweaponssimplypassthroughandcomeouttheotherend.就像我曾误以为是薄荷糖的滚珠轴承1.ikethatballbearingIoncemistookforamint.这是个难题,基夫请拿出我的移♥动♥浴缸It,saconundrum,Kif.Prayfetchmytraveltub.我在淋浴时才能好好思考Idomybestthinkingintheshower.?Yababum?Yababumbumbum?能请你至少拉上浴帘吗?长官Couldyouatleastclosethecurtain,sir?好的Certainly.克洛克中尉你指望我不用菜瓜布就能思考吗？1.ieutenantKroker!Youexpectmetothinkwithoutaloofah?我的菜瓜布在哪？-什么菜瓜布？Where'smyloofah?-Whatloofah?你啊,你就是菜瓜布You!You,retheloofah.你能安静点吗？Willyoubequiet?我在努力思考mtryingtothink!水!火的天敌Ah-ha!Water!Fire,smortalenemy!中尉,水攻1.ieutenant,firewater.（水炮）（雨云号♥）（行星民♥主♥秩序水枪）搞什么谁把水用光了？Whatthe?Whousedupallthewater?你冲个澡就把太空船的三年供水量用光了,长官Yourshowerdepletedtheship'sthree-yearsupply,sir.别担心Well,noworries.我只要说一句话就能结束这场战役Icanendthisbattlewithtwowords.我们投降"Wesurrender.*'签下这份战败证明这样我就可以拿给我妈妈看Signthiscertificateofdefeat,soIcanshowmymom.基夫,书桌Kif,mydesk.就亲笔签下杳普lljustputtheoldZappHancockonit.充满自信地签下最后一笔画BigconfidentdotontheI.（查普布宁根）你比我想得还多汁,基夫Oh-ho.You'rejuicierthanIthought,Kif.我真是受够了Ihavehadit!我受够你的恶行了mthroughputtingupwithyour.（inhales）crap!我要提出正式申诉mfilingaformalcomplaint!是提出表扬It,spronouncedcompliment.现在我很荣幸颁发Andnow,Iamproudtopresent本月唯一优秀员工奖themonthlyOnlyGoodEmployeeoftheMonthAward.（恭喜莉拉!）本月的获奖者格外卓越Thismonth'srecipienthasthespecialdistinction因为每个月都获奖ofalsohavingwontheawardeverypreviousmonth.你们觉得是我吗？Doyouthinkit'sme?（月度优秀员工榜）（本月唯一优秀员工）恭喜！Congratulations!很好,莉拉Welldone,Leela.你在萧条、前途无望的You'vereachedthepinnacleofsuccess物流业中达到了成功的巅峰inthestagnant,dead-enddeliverybusiness.你真是触到天花板了You'vereallyhitrocktop!谢谢大家Thanks,everybody.这是梦想成真It'sadreamcometrue.一个我无法从中醒来的循环梦Arecurringdream.ThatIcan'twakeupfrom.谁想吃蛋糕?还剩一片,我要吃掉了Whowantscake7There,sonehandfulleft.llhaveit.（行星民♥主♥秩序）（向下瞄准-抢先射击）我宣布纪律听证会正式开始Icallthisdisciplinaryhearingtoorder.布宁根舰长克洛克中尉提出了一些严肃CaptainBrannigan,LieutenantKrokerhasmadesomeserious,但令人莞尔的指控thoughsomewhatamusing,allegations.你有律师吗？Doyouhavecounsel?我就是Isay,Isay,present!克洛克中尉,你有律师吗？1.ieutenantKroker,doyouhavecounsel?有！yes你在这案子中代表双方？You'rerepresentingbothsidesinthiscase?鞠躬尽瘁,庭上Tillmywingsgiveout,YourHonor.我批准mgoingtoallowthis.克洛克先生,请描述一下你在我另一个Now,Mr.Krokenpleasedescribethehorrifictreatmentyouendured无辜的当事人那里所遭受的可怕待遇atthehandsofmyinnocentotherclientthere.他在公共场所淋浴还把我当菜瓜布擦他的腋窝Hetookapublicshowerandusedmetoscrubhisarmpit.我只是在闹着玩Itwasajoke.当时大家都笑了,除了基夫1.iterallyeveryonewaslaughingexceptKiE他坚持要跟我说他对我妻子的幻想Heinsistedontellingmehisfantasiesaboutmywife!那只不过是更衣室里的打屁Thatwasjustlockerroomtalk.他曾把脸涂绿Heworegreenface!那是为了万圣节装扮ItwasaHalloweencostume.他要我看他拿着乒乓球拍Hemademewatchhimperformaneroticfandance鸡鸡套着隐形袜表演色情扇子舞withaping-pongpaddleandano-showsock.在那个年代很正常Itwasadifferenttime!那是昨天才刚发生的事Itwasyesterday!所以你承认了？Soyouadmitit!庭上,我做出判决了YourHonor,Ihavereachedaverdict.我判定我的当事人查普布宁根有罪Ifindmyclient,ZappBrannigan,guilty.我批准mgoingtoallowthis.布宁根舰长,本组织绝不允许CaptainBrannigan,thereisnoroominthisorganization霸凌和骚扰forbullyingandharassment.你的恶劣行为不能Youregregiousbehaviorcannot-你为何在帮我按♥摩♥?Whyareyoumassagingme?你看起来很紧绷,而且你应该多微笑Youjustseemsotense.你微笑时更美Also,youshouldsmilemore.You'reprettierwhenyousmile.看吧滋样对每个人都更好See?It'sjustnicerforeveryone.因此本席判决你面临终极刑罚Itisthereforethiscourtsjudgmentthatyoufacetheultimatepenalty.跟超过35岁的女人约会？Datingawomanover35?查普布宁根,特此通知你被放逐ZappBrannigan,youarehereby.canceled.这是第二严重的惩罚Thesecond-worstpunishment.你在接受强制敏感度训练期间Youwillbestrippedofyourtitle将被撤销头衔whileyouundergomandatorysensitivitytraining.在你被放逐期间,你应该佩戴红字母CAndforthedurationofyourcancellation,youshallweartheScarletC.我反对这种无聊琐碎的指控Iobjecttothesefrivolous,paltrycharges.无聊的家禽?你这是在污辱我,先生Frivolouspoultry7Youinsultme,sir!（机器人臂公♥寓♥）（隐形眼镜鱼洁剂）（行星民♥主♥秩序）是谁?便便？Whoisit?Poop?图兰嘉莉拉舰长CaptainTurangaLeela,你有应征行星民♥主♥秩序飞彳j员？youputinanapplicationtobeaDOOPpilot?对次概一小时前吧Uh,yeah.Likeanhourago.你被录取了！You'rehired.雨云号♥舰长？CaptainoftheNimbus!所以你要当基夫的长官？Soyou'regonnabeKifscommandinglobster?不是吧？Negative.Right?是的Affirmative.我在请家事假这样就可以让我喜欢的人颐指气使mtakingsomefamilyleave,so1cangetbossedaroundbysomeoneIlike.臭臭需要换尿布Psst.Stinkyneedschanging.但行星民♥主♥秩序确实授权我带两名值得信赖的机组员一起去ButtheDOOPdidauthorizemetobringalongtwotrustedcrewmembers.一名大副,要能大胆做出指挥决策那就是弗莱Afirstofficer,which,inaboldcommanddecision,willbeFry.谢谢,亲爱的Aw,thanks,honey.我是说亲爱的舰长,长官Imean,CaptainHoney.Sir.还有一名科技总监AndaChiefScienceOfficer.教授Professor班德我谦逊地接受这富有声望的职位I,Bender,humblyacceptthisprestigiousappointment.而且薪水要加倍Also,itcomeswithdoublesalary.再会了,祝你们三位好运Solongandgoodluck,youthree.你们一直是行星快递大家族的重要一分子YouhavebeenanimportantpartofthePlanetExpressfamily,我们会十分想念你们andyou'llbegreatlymissed.下一个业务Nextitemofbusiness.我们有一、二、三张办公椅要出♥售♥Wehaveone,two,threeofficechairsforsale.（敏感度训练,进入前先征求同意）我是来接受敏感度训练的mhereforthesensitivitytraining,还有,你有没有更漂亮的姊妹？and,uh,also,doyouhaveabetter-lookingsister?请进去坐下,训练即将开始Pleasegoinsideandtakeaseat.Thetrainingwillbeginshortly.你好,被放逐的同学Howdy,cancelmates.你想知道我为何被送到这里吗？-不想YouwannaknowwhyIgotsenthere7Nope.暴露私密处Indecentexposure!你们都看到了吧?想再看一次吗？Youallsawit,right?Youwannaseeitagain?你第一次露时我几乎没看到Icouldbarelyseeitthefirsttime.什么？What?!我看过更亮眼的veseenbrighter.这跟亮度无关,重点是色温Yeah,WeILit'snotaboutthebrightness.It'saboutthecolortemperature!那你呢?你做了什么？How'boutyou?Whatdidyoudo?那根本毫无根据Meh,itwastotalBS.有人指控我言语霸凌Somepeople"alleged"Iwasverballyabusive还朝我同事扔食物andthrewfoodatmycoworkers.其实有很多人指控Imean,alotofpeople,actually.太荒谬了That'sridiculous.你明显不是浪费食物的类型You'reobviouslynotthetypetowastefood.你说话真虚伪次肥猪Youshouldtalk,youfamily-sizedbucketoflard-ass!受到一万点爆击OwlThathurtinmorewaysthanone.身心受创Ithurtintwoways.同学们好,我是凯德博士你们的敏感度老师Hello,class,mDr.Kind,yoursensitivityinstructor.你好丑喔Wow,you'reugly.我们在这里不这么说话Oh!Now,Wedon'ttalkthatwayinhere.这里是安全空间Thisisasafespace.事实上,有时我们说的话会伤害别人Thefactis,SometimeS,ourwordshurtotherpeople,我们需要去了解那种感觉andweneedtobemadeawareofhowthatfeels.感觉就像这样！Itfeelslikethis!这不是什么觉醒研讨会Thisisn'tsomewoke-assseminar!这堂课将采用模拟太空任务的形式Thiscoursewilltaketheformofasimulatedspacemission,而我是你们的滥权舰长！withmeasyourabusivecaptain!你们会从我没示范的例子中学习Andyou'llIearnfromtheexamplemnotsetting!现在请跟我到模拟问Now,kindlyfollowmetothesimulator.小心,有阶梯Ooh,careful.There'sastep.（衣物捐赠,器官捐赠）这项任务是模拟的Thismissionmaybesimulated,但我的滥权会极为真实butmyabusewillbeveryreal.设定屈辱航线Setcoursefordegradation!没去过那种地方,听起来充满异国情调Hm,neverbeenthere.Soundsexotic.我很高兴能聘用你这样的平民飞行员,莉拉mpleasedtohaveacivilianpilotofyourcaliber,Leela.行星民&hearts注♥秩序正在重塑品牌形象TheDOOPisrebrandingtoprojectanimage以展现和平探索的形象,而非战争ofpeacefulexplorationratherthanwar.此外我们想展现我们在乎我们看起来在乎聘用女性Also,wewanttoshowwecareaboutlookinglikewecareabouthiringwomen.好大喔Wow,it'shuge!这好像设有雷射炮的公主游轮It,slikeaPrincesscruiseshipwithlasercannons!希望他们有儿童游戏区Ihopetheyhaveakids,center.他们没有Theydon't.但里面有自助餐包括放了一星期的生鱼片任你吃到饱Butthere'sabuffetwithall-you-can-eatweek-oldsashimi.赞妆！Score!我真的好紧张mreallynervous.如果我应付不了怎么办？WhatifIcan'thandlethis?莉拉,我什么都不懂1.eela,Iknowabsolutelynothing,但我知道一件事,你会表现很棒butIknowonething.You,llbegreat.雨云号♥全体机组员我很高兴介绍查普布宁根的替补者Nimbuscrew,mpleasedtointroduceZappBrannigan'sreplacement,图兰嘉莉拉舰长CaptainTurangaLeela.各位稍息Atease,crew.我知道我跟查普布宁根不一样,但I,um,IknowmnothinglikeZappBrannigan,butI-亲爱的舰长日志如果你不是我,请不要看我的日志DearCaptain'sDiaryJfyou'renotme,don'treadthis.我们正准备与原始文明进行首次接触We'repreparingtomakefirstcontactwithaprimitivecivilization.总之,该走了,再聊Anyway,G2G.TTYL.后记,弗莱很可爱PS,Frylookscute.（舰长日志）舰长,该降落到这个星球上了Captain,it,stimetodescendtotheplanet.你准备好穿梭直升机了吗？Haveyoureadiedashuttle-copter?我一直在想这件事vebeenthinkingaboutthat.也许我们不该用我们的先进技术吓他们MaybeWeshouldn'tintimidatethem一般来说,我喜欢吓新文明Hm.Generally,withouradvancedtechnology.Iliketointimidatenewcivilizations,但你有什么想法？butwhatdidyouhaveinmind?用吊桶的方式Abucketonarope.抱歉你不能来,班德Sorryyoucan'tcome,Bender.你的机器人科技可能会吓到他们Yourrobottechnologymightscarethem.一路顺风！Safetravels.这想法真聪叽舰长Thiswasacleveridea.Captain.看吧?莉拉,你表现很棒See,Leela?You'redoinggreat.希望我的机器人科技没有吓到你们Hopemyrobottechnologyisn'tscaringyou.现在该停了Andnow,tostopit.大家好Hello!我们来自天上,没有恶意Wearepeoplefromtheskywhocomeinpeace.他们会说塔利亚语TheyspeakTactillian.我叫艾莉,塔利亚星球的女王Ah!IamAiree,QuingofPlanetTactillia.几百年来我们一直好奇我们是不是宇宙唯一文明Forcenturies,wehavewonderedifwearealoneintheuniverse.但现在我们知道有智慧生命存在Butnow,weknowintelligentlifeexists,在星际间用桶子飞行flyingamongthestarsinabucket.欢迎你们！Welcome.桶子人的身体跟我们不一样,女王陛下Thebucketpeoplehaveunusualbodies,ohQuing.他们的节瘤不多,但也不是没有Theyhavefewerknobs,butnotnone!喂!不能因为我穿短裙就碰我Hey!Just'causemwearingashortskirt.不要就是不要Nomeansno.你们在干嘛?住手！Blech!Whatareyoudoing?Stopthat!舰长!尊重他们的习俗Captain!Respecttheircustoms!我们需要赢得他们的心Weneedtowintheheartsandknobsofthesepeople.但他们太得寸进尺了Butthey'resograbby.Oops!艾莉女王,我们有重要的事情要讨论但可能很难Um.QuingAiree,wehaveimportantmatterstodiscuss,butitmaybedifficult.我们文明的科技程度不一Ourcivilizationsareatverydifferentlevelsoftechnology.确实你们搭桶子飞行Nokidding.Youtraveledinabucket.其实那是Actually,thatwas-我们有很多事要教你们Wehavemuchtoteachyou.刷用力点,胖子！Brushharder,tubby!你不能吼我,你还用短手臂站立Youcan'tyellatme.You'reonyourshortarms.我可以用任何身高吼你IyellatanyheightIwant!给我刷你的牙齿You!Brushyourteeth!我没有牙齿1don'thaveteeth.那就刷我的牙齿Thenbrushmyteeth!唉呀,牙齿不错Damn,thosearenice-你们以为你们羞辱了你们的机组员？Youallthinkyou'vehumiliatedyourcrews.你们没见过真正的羞辱Youain,tseennothin'.我要做一件十分有辱人格的事让你们永远留下心灵创伤mgonnadosomethingsodegradingthatyou'llneverbethesame!我要在驾驶台上淋浴mgoingtotakeashower.righthereonthebridge!你真令我作呕Yousickenme.如果你们好奇我们的文明是怎么变得如此先进Ifyou'rewonderinghowourcivilizationbecamesoadvanced.我们没有,但是We'renot,but-那是因为我们学会利用气动技术.it'sbecausewelearnedtoharnesspneumatictechnology.你们看到的所有精密机械都是由空气驱动Allthesophisticatedmachineryyouseeispoweredbyair.我听说过空气veheardofair.这是我们的主要空气动力厂Thisisourmainairpowerplant.空气经过高压传输线吹送Theairblowsthroughhigh-pressuretransmissionlines,这样我们人♥民♥就能为他们的电器供电也为他们的饭菜充气soourcitizenscanpowertheirappliancesandinflatetheirmeals.我被这美妙的空气迷住了mfascinatedbyallthiswonderfulair.那是从哪来的？Wheredoesitcomefrom?你的提问令我欣慰mgladyouasked.看哪Behold!不,等一下Ohno,wait.Hangon.看哪,大气孔！Behold!TheGreatBlowHole!来自气孔的新鲜空气Freshfromthehole.有点好玩Thisiskindafun.滚出我们的空气Getoutofourair!这真是神奇的自然资源,艾莉女王Thisisanamazingnaturalresource,QuingAiree.你应该竭尽所能保护它Youshoulddoeverythinginyourpowertoprotectit.莉拉,借一步说话Uh,Leela,aword.我没把这任务的所有事情告诉你Imaynothavetoldyoueverythingaboutthismission.这群人是很可.爱,之类的吧虽然有争议Thesepeoplearelovelyandwhatever.我们来这里其实是为了空气It'sdebatable.-We'rereallyherefortheair.什么？What?这星球的整个核心都是冰冻的气体Thewholecoreofthisplanetisfrozengas.就像一台不断涌出空气的吃角子老虎机It,slikeaslotmachinethatkeepspayingoutair!这种赌场听起来很无聊Thatsoundslikeareallyboringcasino.你待过外太空吗?莉拉外太空没有多少空气Haveyoubeentospace,Leela7NotaIottaairoutthere,而我们有的是五成打嗝andwhatwedohaveis,like,50%burp.所以你必须让他们签这份空气权利条约Whichiswhyyoumustgetthemtosignthistreatygrantingusairrights.（行星民♥主♥秩序和平条约）那这项和平任务其实不是为了和平？So,thispeacemissionisn'treallyaboutpeace?谁说这不是为了和平这整件事都是为了和平Whosaidit'snotaboutpeace7It,sentirelyaboutpeace.还有空气AISo,air.莉拉,我们有时会用战争强迫人们屈服1.eela,sometimeswecoercepeoplewithwar.有时我们会走正道用和平手段欺骗他们Othertimes,wetakethehighroadandtrickthemwithpeace.不好意思Excuseme.我很荣幸能与莉拉舰长ItismygreatpleasuretosignthispeacetreatywithCaptainLeela和她一大桶太空朋友签署这项和平条约andherbigbucketofspacefriends.按照传统规定,双方开始节瘤触摸仪式Traditiondictatesthatthepartiesbeginwiththeritualknobbling.我们舰长会很乐意进行节瘤触摸仪式Uh.0urcaptainwillgladlyengageintheknobbling.我会吗?我宁可不要！Iwill?drathernot.我命令你触摸节瘤Isaidknobble!这里真的越来越臭了It'sstartingtogetrealripeinhere.无意冒犯但有没有可能是因为你扔的食物？Nooffense,butcoulditpossiblybeallthefoodyouthrew?来看看是不是1.et'sfindout.唉呀!真的很臭0w.-Man.Itdoesstink.就像漂浮在一滩呕吐物上的腐肉It'slikerottenfleshfloatinginapuddleofvomit.想得美！Youwish.是榴横It,sadurian!不No.Noooo!对了,榴槌是什么？What,sadurian,bytheway?地球上最臭但最美味的水果Earth'smostputridyetdeliciousfruit.在公共场所淋浴后享用真爽Sorefreshingafterapublicshower.天啊,还真能看到冒出的臭味MyGod.Itactuallyhasstinklines.忍♥着点吧,玻璃心Toughitout,snowflake!现在你知道你是怎么把你的机组员搞得士气低落Nowyouseehowyou'vedemoralizedyourowncrews!是你指望跟着你战斗的机组员Crewsyouexpecttofollowyouintobattle!至少在我的麾下,他们受苦的时间不长Atleastwithmeincharge,theydon'tsufferlong.来看看你们在这些情况下要怎么战斗1.et'sseehowwellyoufightundertheseconditions.机组员立刻前往模拟战斗台Crewtosimulatedbattlestations!怪胎舰长,往右舷急转弯CaptainCranky!90degreestostarboard!启动防护罩,暴露狂Shieldsup,Flashnut!发射模拟导弹,蠢肥猪！Firesimulatedmissile,youfatmoron!好刻薄喔Somean.（雨云号♥）那艘模拟太空船看起来有点像我真正的太空船雨云号♥Thatsimulatedshiplooksabitlikemyrealship,theNimbus.赞!直接命中Yes!Directhit!现在谁才是尿失禁的蠢肥猪啊？Now,who'sthefat,incontinentmoron?嘟跑嘟跣嘿,这旋律满好听的！Hey,man,that'scatchy!紧急警报器播放的是什么歌♥曲？Whatsongisthatplayingontheemergencysiren?那就是紧急警报声,我们遭到攻击It,stheemergencysiren!We'reunderattack!我要离开这里Ah!mgettingouttahere!我们需要签条约,莉拉Weneedthistreaty,Leela.拿出舰长的风范,快去抚摸节瘤Actlikeacaptainandstartfondlingknobs.我代表行星民♥主♥秩序OnbehalfoftheDemocraticOrderofPlanets,我很荣幸itismyhonorto,respectfully,毕恭毕敬地抚摸你黏稠的gropeyourslimy.我做不到Ican'tdoit.有件事似乎不妥Somethingjustseemsinappropriate.可能就是这个Possiblythisthing.多美妙的桶子Whatamarvelousbucket.老天爷啊JumpingJudas.我从没见过这么真实的模拟场景veneverseenasimulationsorealistic.我可以捺这位模拟人物吗？Isit"okay"tohitonasimulation?这是什么意思？Whatisthemeaningofthis?我以为我已经放逐你们四位IthoughtIcanceledallfourofyou!对,但我把那可悲的敏感度讲师Yes,butIhijackedthisship五花大绑后,劫持了这艘太空船afterhog-tyingyourpatheticsensitivityinstructor!真是受教了Itwasateachablemoment.所以我们的太空船是真的模拟场景是假的？So,ourshipwasrea!7Andthesimulationwassimulated?谁都不能放逐盖瑞凯德博士NoonecancelsDr.GaryKind.那个可高可矮的家伙是谁？Who,sthetallshortguy?-Dr.GaryKind,盖瑞凯德博士行星民♥主♥秩序最臭名昭著的咸猪手oneoftheDOOP,smostnotoriousgropers.咸猪手？Agroper?这位先生才像个外交官Now,thisgentleman'sadiplomat.你们惹错了植物学博士YoumessedwiththewrongdoctorOfbotanicalscience.因为我有一件威力无穷的生化武器ButIhavewithmeabio-weaponofinconceivablepower!他的夹克里藏着什么东西He,sgotsomethinginhisjacket!我也是！AndsodoI!唉呀,这家伙到底还有多少颗榴植？Jeez.Howmanymoreduriansdoesthisguyhave?一颗One.足以污染这个星球儿百年的空气供应量Enoughtobefoulthisplanet,sairsupplyforcenturies!盖瑞,放下榴槌Gary,putdownthedurian.我们发过誓,不在和平时期用榴植Wesworenevertousethoseinpeacetime.（来电）班德呼叫莉拉雨云号♥一小时前遭到袭击BendertoLeela!TheNimbuscameundera