Futurama《飞出个未来（1999）》第八季第六集完整中英文对照剧本.docx

（蜂巢思维说放轻松）（老妈牌老式机器人润滑油）（吃吧!单身狗粮）（现推出口味）（集体催眠时间）（单身狗粮）（老妈牌友善机器人公♥司♥）（行星快递）（装饰品）（艾米班德弗莱-赫米斯莉拉）（尼布勒-尼布勒的寄生虫）（教授-佐艾伯格）圣诞节快到了Ah,Xmasseasonisuponus.封锁周边！Securetheperimeter!雷射灯都布置好了？Razorlightsinplace?是的那么退后Roger!-Then,standback!入侵警报Intruderalert.圣诞老人绝对进不来Santa'snotgettingpastthat!Noway!不可能,除非他破门而入之类的Unlessheknocksitdownorsomething.-Hey,robot.嘿,机器人有人在你的袜子里留下一张卡片Someoneleftacardinyourstocking.奇怪了That'sweird.我通常都从我的屁♥股♥收信Normally,Igetmaildeliveredtomyass.（我知道你在明年圣诞节做的事!）"IknowwhatyoudidnextXmas!?好喔,真奇怪！Okay.Random!我好奇你会做什么？Iwonderwhatyouwillhavedone而且谁会知道未来的事？andwhocouldpossiblywillhaveknownaboutit.我会做很多事,可能现在就要做了Eh,Idoalotofstuff.mprobablydoingsomethingrightnow.（通缉）（传票）（最后警告）谁准备看第一部佳节卡♥通♥特别节目？Who,sreadyfortheirveryfirstanimatedholidayspecial?好好玩喔！Hooray!-Sofun!随便吧Whatever.等我!我喜欢跟别人家小孩一起看Ooh!Waitforme.Ilovehavingotherkidsaround.今年重播的是每个人都有节日Thisyear'srerunofhere,saHolidayforEveryone由老妈牌老式除血剂赞助播出.isbroughttoyoubyMom'sOldFashionedBloodRemover.（现推出燕麦香料口味）Nowinoatmealspice.圣诞节和宽扎节到了还有光明节福个人都有节日那个节日就是圣诞节AndthatholidayisXmas.嘿,孩子们,你们想不想在这佳节的特别节目Hey,kids,anychancey'allwannaremixthisholidayspecial,改听精彩的宽扎节机器人的故事？andhearthedopestoryofKwanzaabotinstead?或是你们最爱的呆瓜魔像光明节丧尸的故事？Oryourfavoritegoofygolem,ChanukahZombie?不要!说圣诞老人的故事给我们听No!TellusaboutSanta!又要听？Again?对,每年都要听！Yes!Everyyear!（友善机器人公♥司♥）圣诞节的古老传统是从2801年开始TheancienttraditionofXmasbeganintheyear2801,当时友善机器人公♥司♥研发了个高能机器圣诞老人whentheFriendlyRobotCompanydevelopedahigh-poweredmechanicalSanta短秒能送出超过五份超大礼物capableOfdeliveringoverfivemega-presentspersecond.（秘密圣诞老人,测试范围）喂Hey.他们为圣诞老人安装奢华的碳纤维靴子Theytrickedhimoutwithapairofcarbon-fiberTims和一个铝合金好坏小孩感应器andachromenaughty-nicesensor.这样他会知道哪个小孩有资格收礼物哪个小孩应当接受残酷惩罚Sohe'dknowwhodeservedgiftsandwhodeservedbrutalpunishment.对,那可能就是一连串错误的开始Yo,thatmight'vebeenthefirstmistakerightthere.但在圣诞老人送第一个礼物时疯狂的悲剧事发生了ButonSanta'sveryfirstdelivery,somethingwenttragicallymeshuggenah.他的好坏小孩感应器故障了Hisnaughty-nicesensormalfunctioned.天啊,那真是太可怕了Man,that'ssomebleeped-up(klaxon).耶,圣诞老人来了Yay!Santa'shere!天啊Oh!Ohmy!谢谢Oh,thankyou.抱歉孩子们msorry,kids.我从来没想让你们知道圣诞老人是真实存在的IneverwantedyoutoknowSantawasreal.圣诞季新闻,各位！Yuletidenews,everyone!我知道怎么修好圣诞老人IknowhowtofixSanta!什么意思？怎么修？whatyoumean?Howtofix?我只要偷偷接近他Ijustneedtosneakuponhim把他的感应器反转andreversethepolarityofhisnaughty-nicesensor.但圣诞老人时刻提防他人攻击ButSantaisalwaysonguardagainstattacks.Justlikeme.就跟我一样Hii-yah!-0w!你永远无法偷偷接近他You'llneverbeabletosneakuponhim.透过空间接近不了但透过时间或许可以Notthroughspace,no,butthroughtime,probably.是这样的圣诞老人只能提防当下时空的攻击Yousee,Santaisonlypreparedforanattackfromthepresent.所以我一直在为我的旧时光机加速Sovebeensoupingupmyoldtimemachine.它在哪里？Whereisit?你该问的是,它在哪个时空？Thequestioniswhenisit?答案是,就在.Andtheanswerisrightabout.此刻！now!太神奇了,我根本不在乎它压到我的脚It'ssoamazing.Idon'tevencarethatit'sonmyfoot.我安装了一个有倒♥退♥档的手动变速器veinstalledamanualtransmission所以现在可以回到过去也可以前往未来withareversegear,soitcannowgobackwardintimeaswellasforward.我计划回到2801年Myplanistobackuptotheyear2801,从开始出错那一刻whenthingsfirstwentwrong,并在圣诞老人离开这座壁炉时出现在他身后andmaterializebehindSantaasheexitsthisveryfireplace.2801年时这栋建筑存在吗？Didthisbuildingevenexistin2801?对,当时这里是某种肉铺Yeah,butbackthen,itwassomekindameatmarket,那里的屠夫会把肉吊起来放进绞肉机做成香肠wherebutcherswouldhookupandgrindtheirsausages.对,总之,等到了那里Yes,anyway,oncethere,我会迅速反转圣诞老人的感应器I'llquicklyreversethepolarityofSanta'snaughty-nicesensor,然后回到现在thenreturntothepresent.问题就解决了Problemsolved.教授?问到过去改变历史不是很危险吗？Um,Professor,isn'titriskytogobackintimeandchangehistory?天啊,对Ohmy,yes.但我会独自去尽量降低任何人变成自己祖父的机会ButI'llgoalonetominimizethechanceofanyonebecomingtheirowngrandfather.这种事发生过Thesethingshappen.没有啦No,theydon't.下次你们看到我时圣诞老人会恢复善良Nexttimeyouseeme,Santawillhavebeengoodagain!再见Ta-ta!回到几个世纪前Uh,justacoupleofcenturiesstraightbackwards.（倒♥退♥）糟糕!我压到麦格迪太太的时间猫Damnit!IbackedoverMrs.McGillicuddy'stimecat!寓合器换档,出发了！Clutch,shift,and.awaywego!（倒♥退♥,公元2996年）（考兹曼的二手肉铺）（2801年12月25Fl泮夜12点1分）（考兹曼）（男爵,香肠）（给圣诞老人）Ho-ho-hot!（考兹曼先生考兹曼太太-小斯齐）好烫hot!饼干Cookie.饼干Cookie!（1分钱3021年）饼干Cookie!只要换档到未来Justshiftintoforwardand.（倒♥退♥,公元2801年）糟糕,我意外换档到过去了Oh,bother.Ishiftedintoreversebyaccident.我想我就带时光机走风景路线Iguess11havetotakeheraroundbythescenicroute.宇宙大倒♥退♥爆♥炸♥来了Ah,herecomestheBigBackwardsBang.我被过去挤压成一点了！0w!mbeingcrushedbyallthematterthateverwas.来了,未来！Andhereweare,thefuture!情况怎样？很简单！How'ditgo?-Notahitch!我修好圣诞老人了IfixedSanta!好耶-干得好,教授yeah.goodjob!这会是我冷冻后再也没见到家人以来第一个快乐的圣诞节It'llbemyfirsthappyXmassinceIgotfrozenandneversawmyfamilyagain!等一下Now,holdon!距离圣诞节还剩一星期Xmasisn,tforaweek.在那之前我们会忙得不可开交Untilthen,wegotnonstopbusywork.胡说,我们别再假装在这里有什么事可做了Ohfuff.Let'sstoppretendingwedoanythingaroundhere.各位,这星期休假Everyone,taketheweekoff,陪你们所谓的至亲andbewithyourso-calledlovedones.真的？我都忘了我有至亲Really?!forgotIhadlovedones!这是人事奇迹It,sahumanresourcesmiracle!弗莱,希望你能跟我和库伯特一起到我在布朗克斯的农舍UncleFry,Ihopeyou'lljoinmeandCubertatmychaletintheBronx.等一下,我家人想见弗莱Wait!Myfamily'shopingtomeetFry.我是说他们见过他但没对他留下太多印象Imean,theymethimbefore,buthedidn'tmakemuchofanimpression.我会在你那里待到不受欢迎然后再去你那里llwearoutmywelcomeatone,andthengototheother.所以班德不行So,Bender.-No.你和我是唯一没有家人的YouandIaretheonlyoneswithnofamily.也许我们可以-不要！Maybewecould-No.一起过节？-过节啊？Hangout?-Oh.Hangout,yousay?让我想一不要！1.etmethinkthatoverfora-No.不要!抱歉,我以为你又要问了No.Oh,sorry.Uh,Ithoughtyouwerestilltalking.（丑陋风-螭风）（石棉）（佐艾伯格的家）（欢迎）只有你和我了,发霉的三明治人It'sjustyouandme,moldysandwichman.（肯塔基细烟）（鸡肉风味香烟）喂,我是计算机Hello.Calculonacting.嘿,是我,你极为亲密的朋友班德Hey,it'sme!YourextremelyclosefriendBender.想一起玩吗？-你怎么会有我的电♥话♥号♥码?Wannahangout7Howdidyougetthisnumber?我没有,我只是按顺序打每个电♥话♥号♥码Ididn't!mjustdialingeverynumberinorder.继续打Keepdialing.讨厌鬼Thisnutsbolts!嘿,班德在?我是说,不在！Hey,Bender.-Yes?Imeanno!我带垃圾桶里的蛋奶酒来了Ibroughtdumpsternog.而且不是给小孩喝的那种Andnotthekindforkids.（蛋奶酒）里面是什么？里面没有什么？Hm.What,sinit?-What,snotinit?你想加肉豆蔻吗？Youwantnutmegonthat?肉豆蔻?恶心！Nutmeg?Gross!?Fivegoldenrings!?Foursomethingsomething,threesomethingelse?Twonoonecares,andapartridge?Drownedinournog!?好浓烈！WhooflThisstuffisstrong!我们喝了几杯？Hey,howmanyglasseshavewehadded?没有,你是因为闻到毒气None.Thisisjustfromthefumes.不公平！Aw,it'snotfair!其他人都跟白♥痴♥家人一起玩得很开心Everyoneelsegetstohavefunwiththeirstupidfamily.我们物种一繁殖完就会死Myspeciesdieswhenwereproduce.所以我要是有家人,我就会死SoifIhadafamily,dbedead.有谁在乎这点吗？Doesanyoneevencareaboutthat?我肯定不在乎Isuredon't.你要是问我的话善良圣诞老人在摧毁圣诞节Ifyouaskme,"good"SantaisruiningXmas.我想把他剪断dliketogivehimsuchasnipping.我想把他折断,但他现在不在这里Ooh,dbendhimanewone!Buthe'snothererightnow!但他以前来过这里But,hehaswasbeenhere.每年圣诞节,他都会出现在壁炉前EveryXmas,heshowsupinthefirehole.我们可以酒驾时光机回到去年圣诞节,然后绑♥架♥他WecoulddrunkdrivethetimemachinetolastXmasandkidnaphim!这样他就不会在今年圣诞节送礼物Then,hewon'tbeabletodeliverpresentsthisXmas!这样我们白♥痴♥朋友的假期就毁了Andourstupidfriends'holidaywillberuined!慢着,绑♥架♥圣诞老人真是好主意Wait.IskidnappingSantaagoodidea,还是因为我们喝醉了才觉得那是好主意？ordoesitjustseemlikeagoodideabecausewe'reintoximated?这是好主意喂！It,sagood(belches)idea.对Whee!好设定回到过去的航线SetcourseforlastXmas!?Jinglebells,Zoidbergsmells?Justlikerotteneggs?我在歌♥声中永垂不朽mimmortalizedinsong.饼干?Cookie?我们到了,去年的圣诞节Andhereweare,lastXmas.抓住他Gethim!来咬我啊,臭圣诞老人！Bitemyglitteringfestiveass!放开我,死屁孩！Unhandme,younaughtyboys!(现在)把他塞进旧肉类储藏柜！Shovehimintheoldmeatlocker!我们有旧肉类储藏柜？Wehaveanoldmeatlocker?寂静之夜?Silentnight?神圣之夜?Holynight?唉呀Oh,boy.Hey,boy.看你还怎么散播欢乐,圣诞大火腿！Tryspreadingjoynow,youbigXmasham.我们真是天才！We'regeniuses!我是天才mgeniuses!班德好棒棒.?DotheBender!班德好棒棒DotheBender!?佐艾伯格,你只有我想像的一半坏嘛Youknow,Zoidberg,you'reonlyhalfasbadasIthoughtyouwere.你这么说对我意义重大Thatmeansalot.我们把那块肉吵醒了Uh-oh.Wewokethemeatup.我们怎么办？去时光机那里Whatdowedo?-Thetimemachine!好主意Goodidea!准备上天堂安息吧！Getreadytosleepinheavenlypeace!他死了He,sdead.我们杀了圣诞老人WekilledSantaClaus.是你杀了圣诞老人Uh.YoukilledSantyClaus.机器人.Uh.Robot?（我仍知道你明年圣诞节做的事!）这本来应该是好玩的绑♥架♥Thiswassupposedtobeafunkidnapping!现在该怎么办？Whatdowedonow?把尸体处理掉Wegottagetridofthebody.那通常很好玩That'susuallyprettyfun.快划.Stroke!Stroke!Stroke!StrokeIStroke!好,现在就增加重量好让尸体沉下去Okay.Now,wejustaddsomeextraweighttosinkthecorpse.（50磅）没用It,snotworking!（500磅）还是没动Stillnothing!你怎么还不沉下去？Why!Won't!You!Sink!?（新纽约警局,警♥察♥）双手举高,脏东西Handsup,boatbags.那个大型漂浮物是什么？What'swiththebloatedfloater?我承认我们杀Iadmitit!Wemurd-只是在丢弃有毒废弃物,警官Uh,just,uh,dumpingsometoxicwaste,officers.看来你们要去别的地方丢Huh.Guessyougottaputitsomewhere.你们继续,深夜垃圾倾倒人Carryon,nightdumpers.德怀,现在来教你康拉德家的佳节特大啃食谱Dwight,it'stimetoteachyoutheConradholidayturduckenrecipe.按字母顺序烹调Cookedinalphabeticalorder.好,我们要从鸡开始Alrightythen.Wegonnastartwiththechicken,thenduck,andthen.然后是鸭,然后是还少了两个1.etmeseenow.NowtheEandtheF.老公,今年有红鹳吗？Husband!Weusingflamingothisyear?那一磅要20元不用了,谢谢At$20apound!?No,thankyou.没用-再用力冲！It,snotworking!-Flushharder!我已经很用力冲了！mflushingashardasIcan!Gotanyotherideas,还有其他办法吗？我很擅长藏尸体J先生？Mr.Tm-So-Great-At-Hiding-Corpses?至少我有在想办法Well,atleastIhaveideas!你有什么建议？Whatdoyousuggest?我们可以试试泡酸浴Hm.Wecouldtryanacidbath.听起来是能放松,但是-不是啦Thatdoessoundrelaxing,but-我们要溶解圣诞老人的尸体No!We,lldissolveSanta'sbody!教授在楼上的实验室有一些酸液Professorhassomeacidupstairsinhislab.我用这垃圾袋去装一点来llgofillthistrashbag.提醒我一下,这里是一楼吗？Remindme,isthisthegroundfloor?瞧,我们家庭的传统圣诞大餐Behold,myfamily'straditionalYuletidefeast.龟豚Turdolphin!以新鲜乌龟塞进发酵的海豚中烹调而成lt,sfreshturtlecookedinsideafermenteddolphin.这很快会变成呕吐物中的呕吐物Wow.Soon,it'sgonnabebarfinsideavomit.爸!不要把实话说出来Dad.ShhlKeepthetruthtoyourself.哪部分闻起来像鲸鱼屁♥股♥?是肉汁Whichpartsmellslikewhalebutt?Ooh,thatwouldbethegravy.（男爵,香肠）你毁了一切,是你想绑♥架♥圣诞老人！Youruinedeverything!You,retheonewhowantedtokidnapSanta!是吗?是你要我绑♥架♥的！Oh,yeah?Well,youenabledme,所以就闭嘴,继续把他推进绞肉机soshutupandkeeppushinghimintothemeatgrinder!班德,看!成功了！Bender,look!It,sworking!慢着,我的螯呢？Wait.Where,smyclaw?都过来看,亲人们,我要用Gatherround,relatives,asIcookup3D家禽列印机烹调出方斯沃家的特大啃turduckenalaFarnsworthwiththis3Dpoultryprinter.只要是立体的,我都会吃Aslongasit'sgotthreedimensions,lleatit.我们从鸡肉浆开始Westartwithliquidchicken.然后加入鸭丝Then,someduckfilament.最后是一整只新鲜火鸡Andfinally,awholefreshturkey.我之前已经先列印出来Iprintedthisoneoutearlier.我要是想准时到莉拉家现在就要出发了Oh,man.IneedtoheadoutifmgonnamakeittoLeela's.你有滑雪板吗？Doyouhaveanyskis?没有,但我可以列印出来No,butIcanprintsome.我们要怎么做特大啃？冰箱里什么都没有Howarewemakingturducken?There'snothingintherefrigerator.对,那冰箱故障了我们把它当备用房♥间Eh,thatfridgedoesn'twork.Weuseitasasparebedroom.我们这里有生鲜特大啃,莉拉Weservefreshturducken,Leela.下水道里有一大群各种禽类在游荡Theyroamthesewersinhugeflocks.它们会很难抓吗？Aretheyhardtocatch?不会,它们恨不得进来送死Oh,no.Theycravedeath.嘿,抱歉我迟到了我饿到吃了点滑雪板Hey!Sorrymlate.Igothungryandatemyskis.弗莱,你赶到了Fry,youmadeit!你还记得我父母,和我奶奶Youremembermyparentsandmygrandma?对,下水道之花Ah,yes.Theroseofthesewers.莉拉,如果你不嫁给他,我会Mwah!Leela,ifyoudon'tmarryhim,Iwill.班德和佐艾伯格呢？So,uh,where'sBenderandZoidberg?什么?我以为他们跟你在一起What?Ifiguredtheywerewithyou.Orsomething.他们可能在壁炉旁休息They'reprobablyrelaxingbythefire.唯一合理的办法是吃掉圣诞老人,对吧？TheonlyrationaloptionistoeatSanta.对吧？-我不知道！Right?Right!?这真是圣诞节前的恶梦Idon'tknow!0h,thisisanightmarebeforeXmas.我希望我们从没结为朋友Iwishwe,dneverbecomefriends!我们不是朋友,从来就不是！We'renotfriends!Andweneverwere!但我们一起跳舞、一起杀人Butwedanced.Andmurdered.我来肢解lldothecarving.你想要圣诞白肉还是黑肉？YouwantwhiteChristmasordarkChristmas?（行星快递）惊喜！Surprise!呸,少来!Bahhumbug!没人在家Nobody'shome!哗一声后留言1.eaveamessageatthebeep.开门,不然我们会唱圣诞颂歌♥BeepIOpenuporwe'llcarol!班德,有客人来了Uh,Bender!Wehavecompany!等一下!我整理一下Uh,justasec!mtidyingup.进来吧,一切都很正常Comein,comein!Everything1Snormal.圣诞快乐,各位MerryXmas,youguys.我们不知道你们没有受邀到别人家过节Wedidn'tknowyouhadn'tbeeninvitedanywhere.我们一发现你们有多可悲后就赶来了Wecameassoonaswerealizedwhatlosersyouare.来点潘趣酒？Uh,punch?不用,我喝啤酒就好Nah,I'lljusthaveabeer.谁饿了？Who,shungry?Weallbrought我们带来我们家独特的圣诞大餐ourfamilies*uniqueholidaydishes.特大啃-龟豚Turducken!-Turdolphin!你们送来这些讨厌的大餐真是贴心Huh.Howthoughtfulofyoualltodropthisdisturbingfoodoff,然后你们就可以走了,再见andthenbeimmediatelyonyourway.Goodbye!上晚餐！Dinner,sserved!是不是很漂亮?看起来像杂♥志♥Isn'tthatpretty?Itlookslikeamagazine.班德,你什么时候有三条腿的？Bender,sincewhendoyouhavethreelegs?这是备用的万一我在高速公路断腿时可以用Uh,uh,th-thisone'saspare.IncaseIbreakdownonthehighway.为什么它要穿雪靴？Andwhyisitwearingasnowboot?终F回到古老的快乐圣诞节每个人都能收到礼物Finally,anold-timehappyXmas,withpresentsforeveryone!我希望收到蝙蝠侠内♥裤♥mhopingforBatmanunderpants.圣诞老人应该随时会来Santashouldbehereanyminutenow.罪恶感太重了,我要坦白！圣诞老人不会.Theguiltistoomuch!Iconfess!Santawon,t-那是什么?谁在摇铃?What'sthat?Who,sjingling!?他来了Ah,herehecomes!是善良圣诞老人Yay!It'sgoodSanta!确实!因为我修好他了！Indeed,becauseIfixedhim.圣诞老人看来没死Santaseemslessdeadthanwethought.我不懂,他还是邪恶的Idon'tunderstand.He,sstillevil!我亲自回到过去,反转了他的感应器Ipersonallywentbackintimeandreversedhisnaughty-nicesensor!你做了什么?老头子Uh-oh.-Whatyoudo,oldman?我犯了跟弗莱一样的错Oh,vemadeacompleteFryofmyself.是这样的,圣诞老人的感应器就像这个潘趣酒碗的开关Yousee,Santa'ssensorwasexactlyliketheoneonthispunchbowl.他刚打造完成时是设定正确的Whenhewasfirstbuilt,itwasinthecorrectposition.但我回到过去,把感应器反转了ButwhenIwentbackintime,Iflippeditaround.是我!天啊！Me!Oh,lordy-loo.是我把圣诞老人变邪恶的mtheonewhomadeSantaevil.你这禽兽！Youmonster!你们都很顽皮You'veallbeenverynaughty!尤其是你,曼蒂Especiallyyou,Mandy.对不起,我忘了喂仓鼠！msorry1forgottofeedthehamster!大家全副武装Armyourselves!饼干？Cookie?我们到了,去年的圣诞节Andhereweare,lastXmas.抓住他Gethim!来咬我啊,臭圣诞老人！Bitemyglitteringfestiveass.放开我,死屁孩！Unhandme,younaughtyboys.那两个帅哥是谁在对可怜的圣诞老人做什么？Whoarethosehandsomeguys,andwhataretheydoingtopoorSanta?那是我们,笨蛋！That'sus,youidiot.你没带我们回到去年圣诞节是下一个圣诞节Youdidn'ttakeustolastXmas.YoutookustonextXmas!也就是这次圣诞节MeaningthisXmas!该死,班德,我是医生不是时光机专家Damnit,Bender.madoctor,notatimemachineguy!我想我接下来要说的是大家的心声IthinkIspeakforeveryonewhenIsay,什么.uh-whuh?我再也忍♥不住了俄们.Ican'tholditinanymore!我们绑♥架♥并杀了圣诞老人！WekidnappedandmurderedSanta!我们是无心的,但还是铸成大错Oh.-Wedidn'tmeanto,butstill!别哭了,笨蛋,你们是英雄！Stopblubbering,youbloobs!You'reheroes!什么雄？-是教授把圣诞老人设定成杀人机器What-roes7TheprofessorsetSantatokill!你们拯救了我们.19人Yousavedall(muttering)19ofus!我们是英雄？We'reheroes?我们就是！Damnright,weare!班德好棒棒?DotheBender!DotheBender!DotheBender!?班德!你跟佐艾伯格现在是朋友了吗？Aw,BenderlYouandZoidbergarefriendsnow?真可爱That'ssocute.绝对不是！Uh,absolut