ResidentAlien《外星居民（2021）》第三季第五集完整中英文对照剧本.docx

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1、外星居民前情提要PreviouslyonResidentAlien.我什么也没告诉你Ihavenottoldyouanything.对灰人来说你狗屁不是YouarenothingtotheGreys.他们不会让你活命的Idonotthinktheywillletyoulive.灰人要利用火山喷发的强大力量TheGreyswillharnesstheintensepowerofthecaldera.但我不知道他们为何这样做ButIdonotknowwhytheyaredoingit.他们无法在地球的重力下长♥期♥存活TheycannotlivelonginEarths

2、gravity.至少让我记住此刻Atleastletmerememberthistime.彼得信任我Petertrustedme.如果彼得信任你IfPetertrustedyou,就会把钥匙给你hewouldhavegivenyouthekey.想要对抗外星人Whobettertofightaliens还有谁比能看见外星人的人更适合thansomeonewhocanseealiens?你是蓝鸟族的YoureaBlueAvian.能换身衣服吗CanIchange?原来海瑟长这样Huh.IseeHeather.我知道怎么回事了Iknowwhatthisis.我双膝发软手心冒汗Mykneesarew

3、eak,andmypalmsaresweating.我恋爱了Iaminlove.这个球似乎是有机体Theballappearstobeorganic.只有地球外星生物哈利能操控它ItcanonlybecontrolledbytheEarthalienHarry.带他来见我们Bringhimtous.外星居民第三季第5集看啊Ooh,oh,look!那些蠢人类看起来像蚂蚁Thedumbhumanslooklikeants.你们没有翅膀只有腿傻站在地上Youlooksostupidonyourlegswithnowings看着蠢到家了onthedumbground!我们的生活不管哪方面都比你们的好O

4、urlifeisbetterthanyoursineveryway!吸引力是种简单的物理学Attractionissimplephysics.所有有质量的物体之间都有一种吸引力Allobjectswithmassaredrawntoeachother直到相遇才得以释放tilltheymeetandthereisarelease.海瑟与我日益亲密HeatherandIhavebecomeveryclose,巴克斯宠物店说明我对她的吸引力很强sothepullIfeeltowardherisstrong.一家新店Oh,thisisanewshop.不哈利不要No.Harry,no.J不管跟谁一起都

5、可以JJWithwhoeveryouwannadoitwith?喂搞什么Comeon,comeon!你们搞什么Whatareyoudoing?雄性天堂鸟挺起胸膛Themalebirdofparadisepuffsouthischest精心表演了一段舞蹈andperformsanelaboratedance来吸引雌性的注意toattractafemalemate.J你想去哪就去哪JJ,YougottagowhereyouwannagoJJ想干什么就干什么JJDowhatyouwannado?/不管跟谁一起都可以JJWithwhoeveryouwannadoitwith?我以前也感受过这种吸引力但

6、从未如此Ihavefeltthepullbefore,butnotlikethis.我只想跟她在一起AllIwantistobewithher.甚至她从不洗澡1donotevenmindthatshenevershowers只在儿童泳池里戏水也不介意andinsteadjustsplashesaroundinakiddiepool.J你不懂J/YoudontunderstandJJ像我这样的女孩JJThatagirllikemecanlove?J一生只爱一个男人JJJUStoneman?J你已经离开三周J/Youvebeen-goneaweek?爸你见到哈利了吗Hey,Dad,haveyous

7、eenHarry?我联♥系♥不上他Ihaventbeenabletoreachhim.好几天没见Notinacoupledays.但这是件好事Butit,sbeenagoodthing.终能好好卖♥♥我的派而不是一转身Igettosellmypiesinsteadofturningaround就发现少一个andnoticingoneofthemisgone.你约了杰的妈妈吗YouexpectingJay,smom?她问我是否能跟我一起住段时间Sosheaskedifshecouldstaywithmeforawhile.我还没同意1did

8、ntsayyes.我永远不会不跟你说就自作主张Iwouldnevercrossthatlinewithouttalkingtoyou特别是在我第一次没跟你说afterthatfirsttimeIcrossedtheline就自作主张之后-这些是她的药withouttalkingtoyou.Thesearehermedications.一个是胃药一个是帮助注意力集中的oneforstomach,oneforhelpconcentrating,还有她的牙套而且她晚上andthisisherretainerthatsheneverremembers从来不记得戴-所以towearatnight.-So

9、then-她已经问过我了Shealreadyaskedme.Yeah.不不对是她已经告诉过我了No,sorry,shetoldme.抱歉你俩出什么问题了吗msorry.Arethingsbadwithyoutwo?没有No.目前她只是因为Rightnow,she,sjustmadbecause我不让她停学去探索世界而生气Itoldhershecantblowoffcollegetoexploretheworld.这点我完全支持你WhichItotallybackedyouupon.你了解杰YouknowJay.她现在交了新女朋友Shesgotthisnewgirlfriendnow,满脑户都是

10、恋爱-对anditsallaboutthat.-Yeah.你想跟女朋友一起去欧洲没问题YouwanttogoseeEuropewithyourgirlfriend?Great.大学毕业了就能去Youcangodothatafteryougetadegree.要不然我更愿意她跟你在一起Meanwhile,dratherseeherwithyou而不是在某个阿姆斯特丹旅馆里whilewaitingforacceptanceletters等录取通知书thaninsomehostelinAmsterdam.如果你不介意的话Thatis,ifyou,reOKwithit.我I.我很乐意接手她不是接手mh

11、appytotakeher.Nottakeher.不是接手她Uh,nottakeher.这个词不合适1-badchoiceofwords.I-我很高兴她身边有你mhappyshehasyou.别把你的手♥机♥充电器借她Dontletherborrowyourphonecharger,不然就再也看不到了oryoullneverseeitagain.知道了Noted.J我恋爱了JJrminlove?J爱上了只漂亮的鸽子JJminlovewithabeautifuldove/J她如派般甜美JJ1Andshe,ssweetaspie?你来了之前去哪了Thereyouare.

12、Wherewereyou?阿斯塔我恋爱了情不自禁想跳舞Asta,Iaminlove,anditmakesmewanttodance.天啊但还是没学会跳舞Oh,myGod,butitdidn,tteachyouhow.艾琳Ellen.你做头发了吗Didyoudosomethingwithyourhair?真好看Itlooksnice.你最好直一下他脑袋是不是受伤了Youmightwanttocheckhimforaheadinjury.谢谢Thankyou.我找了你三天Ihavebeentryingtoreachyouforthreedays.我一直跟海瑟在一起IhavebeenwithHeat

13、her.交♥配♥了好多次Havingsomuchintercourse.不断找新地方做真是让人性致满满Itisexcitingtofindnewplacestohavesex.对了你应该把车门关好Youshouldlockyourcardoors,bytheway.我们有麻烦了Wehaveaproblem.麦克和丽芙一直在搜查MikeandLivhavebeensearching外星追踪者的面包车theAlienTrackersvanand-等下你们在我车里做过了wait,didhavesexinmycar?没有No.才怪感觉爽极了Yes,itwasgood!但出于

14、尊重我们只在后座上做过Uh,butweonlydiditinthebackseatoutofrespect.好吧晚点再来说界限的事OK,laterwewilltalkaboutboundaries.首先你是最后一个接触过Butfirst,youwerethelastpersontouse外星追踪者面包车的人theAlienTrackersvan.如果麦克和丽芙发现你的DNAIfMikeandLivfindyourDNA,他们就会知道他死前跟你在一起theyllknowthatyouwerewithhimbeforehedied.不可能Thatsimpossible.我用40张烧烤店的湿纸巾擦过

15、那个面包车Iusedover40wetwipesfromabarbecuerestaurant还用5张擦过我自己他们什么也找不到onthatvanandfiveonmyself.Theywillfindnothing.还有这个面包车在哪锁门了吗Also,whereisthisvan?Andisitlocked?你不准在那车里做♥爱♥Yourenothavingsexinthevan.除非我不知道它在哪NotifIdontknowwhereitis.你都擦干净了吗Didyoucleanallofit?我还是知道怎么清洁车的IthinkIknowhowtocleanac

16、ar.还有我只记得Also,Ijust-Ijustremembered,我忘了清洁你的车-好恶心Iforgottocleanyourcar.-Gross!你太焦虑rMm.Youresostressedout.放轻松姑娘Youshouldchill,girl.你应该学学海瑟YoushouldbemorelikeHeather.我焦虑是因为世界末日OK,Iamstressedoutbecausetheendoftheworld可能要到了但其实mightbehappening,butactually,看你开心我也很开心mreallyhappythatyourehappy.我确实很开心很好Iamhap

17、py.Well,good.但生活需要平衡Butlifeisaboutbalance.但生活需要平衡Butlifeisaboutbalance.你可以在交女朋友的同时完成任务Soyoucanhaveagirlfriendandworkonthemission.好吧Fine.我会去找警长和副警长谈谈Iwillgovisitthesheriffandthedeputy确保他们一无所知andthenmakesurethattheyknownothing.谢谢Oh,thankyou.你应该邀请我跟海瑟吃晚餐YoushouldinviteHeatherandmetodinner.你会喜欢她的Youwill

18、likeher.好没问题OK.Icandothat.多做点吃的Andmakealotoffood.每次说吃东西像鸟的人Whoeversaideatslikeabirdeatslikeabird意为吃得少从来没带鸟去吃过寿司nevertookabirdtosushi.天啊不是吧还有这里Oh,God,really?Here?没有No.警长办公室看起来像某种化学式对吧1.ooklikesomekindofchemicalformula,right?不知道干什么用的但不管是什么Whatfor,Ihavenoidea.Butwhateveritis重要到足以杀人灭口It,simportantenough

19、tokillover.讨厌副警长我刚准备说这句话的Damn,Deputy,Iwasgonnasaythat.我的整个职业生涯Idonewaitedmywholecareertobeable就等着说这句某事重要到足以杀人灭口tosaythatsomethingwasimportantenoughtokillover,我都准备好了结果你插了一嘴andIsetmyselfup,andyoujustjumpin.对不起我不知道msorry.Ididntknow.你可以说点别的比如Youcouldsaysomethingelselike,不论是什么这都是张死亡诏书Whateveritis,itsarec

20、ipefordeath.你听听这句更好See?Thatsevenbetter.但我也不能说了AndIcantsaythatnow因为又被你说了becauseyoujustsaidthattoo.简直是人间噩梦Thisisanightmare.有人在吗Uh,knock,knock.范德史宾格医生Dr.Vanderspeigle.怎久你也想来毁了我今天的心情吗What,youdonestoppedbytoruinmydaytoo?不是，No.我只是来检查Oh,Ijustcamebytoseehowold老胡子副警长的饶虫药疗效如何DeputyMustachespinwormmedication然后

21、顺道来看看老朋友wasworkinganddecidedtovisitmyoldfriends.你不该告诉我们Idontthinkyoureallowedtotellus弗莱德的用药情况aboutFredsmedication.被你抓住把柄了Uh-oh,youcaughtme.现在该你们告诉我一个你们工作上的秘密了Nowyouhavetotellmeasecretaboutyourjob.有什么有趣的案子能讲来听听吗Arethereanyfuncrimesthatyoucanshare?金小姐的猫把她的假牙冲进卜水道了Well,MissKimscatflushedherdenturesdown

22、thetoilet这个够有趣吗Isthatfunenoughforyou?想象一只戴假牙的猫Picturingacatwithdentures.很好笑Itsveryfun.她的假牙不是猫的-那就不好笑Herdentures,notthecats.Thenno.都2分钟了他们还没逮捕我Ithasbeentwominutes,andtheyhavenotarrestedmeyet.看来我是安全的Iamsafe.医生你会化学Hey,Doc,youmustknowchemistry.认识这个化学式吗Yourecognizethisformula?这哪来的怎么了这是什么Wheredidyougetthi

23、s?-Why?Whatisit?这是一种外星元素的化合物Itisacompoundwithanalienelement.灰人的元素AGreyelement.糖是糖糖Sugar.Sugar.-Sugar?好像比糖的化学式长Itseemskindoflongforsugar.这是种特殊的糖Well,itisaspecialsugar,用来做巧克力酱的那种thekindthattheyusedtomakethechocolatesauce把冰淇淋包裹在硬壳里面thattrapsicecreaminahardshell,就是防止冰淇淋化的时候youknow,thatkeepstheicecream流的

24、满手都是你敲敲那个壳fromdrippingonyourhand,andyouknockontheshell问冰淇淋你在里面吗andsay,Icecream,areyouinthere?,看来你不认识-他在开玩笑Becauseyoudonotknow.Hesjoking.长官他在开玩笑-是这样Sir,hesmakingajoke.Oh,OK.对Yes.开玩笑的时间肯定是不够Makingajokeanddefinitelynotmemorizing记住这个化学式的thisformulawithmyeyes.我撒谎了Ilied.我在记这个化学式Iammemorizingitbecausethisf

25、ormula因为也许它是搞清灰人计划的关键maybethekeytounderstandingtheGreysplan.现在我想吃冰淇淋了AndnowIwanticecream.我们为什么要支持他Whyarewesupportingthis?哈利不能跟那只鸟约会他应该忙着拯救地球Harrycantdatethatbird.HeshouldbesavingtheEarth.他可以兼顾Well,hecandoboth.再说海瑟的传送门修好了AndHeathersportalisfixed,反正她应该很快就走了sosheshouldbeleavingsoonanyway.让他高兴几天吧Justlet

26、himhavesomefun.我们不能贪图享乐Werenothavingfun.完成使命之前我们选择单身Wearechoosingtobesingleuntilwefinishourmission.我们单身是因为这吗Oh,isthatwhyweresingle?希望是God,Ihopeso.海瑟Hi.Heather!很高兴你能来来的正是时候Sohappyyoucouldjoinus.Youarerightontime.我们一直待外面来着Wewereoutside.看到你把吃的端出来才进来的Wesawyoubringoutthefood,sowecamein.你们不必在外面等的Oh,well,y

27、oudidn,thavetowait我们没在等Weweren,twaiting.是在那边那棵树上做♥爰♥Wewerescrewinginthattreeoverthere.没错就那棵Yeah,rightoverthere.行吧那你们也许要去洗个手OK,well,probablygonnawanttowashyourhands,huh?不必了谢谢不要我不洗No,thanks.No,Idonot.真棒Great.等下什么味道啊很香对吧Wait,whatisthatsmell?Prettygreat,huh?我做了羊乳酪沙拉糙米新鲜蔬菜Imadefetasalad,bro

28、wnrice,freshveggies,还烤了只鸡牛and1madearoastchick-beef.我天烤了只小乳牛Oh,myGod.Madeachickbeef.我天-你是烹煮了一只鸟的尸体吗Oh,myGod.Didyoucookabirdcarcass?好大的胆子-天真的很对不起海瑟Howdareyou?GOd,Imsosorry,Heather.我们一般不会招待到鸟类客人Wedontnormallyhavebirdguests,所以没考虑到没事sowewerentthinking.ItsOK.无心之失It,sanhonestmistake.真的很抱歉我的小麻雀Iamsosorry,my

29、littlesparrow.幸运的是我们自己带吃的了1.uckily,webroughtourownfood.谢谢-真是周到Oh,thankyou.Soniceofyou.那么So-oh.海瑟Heather,Um,听说你俩过得挺开心的Ihearthatyoutwoarehavingalotoffun.是的我很喜欢你的车闻起来像松树Yeah,Iloveyourcar.Smellslikepine.或者说以前闻着像松树Oritusedtosmelllikepine.那传送门修好了Sotheportalisfixed.你是不是马上就要回去了呀Youprobablyhavetogetbacktowor

30、ksoon,huh?是我们很快就要走了Yeah.Wellbegoingprettysoon.我们对We?Yes.海瑟要走了我也一起走Heather,sleaving,andsoamI.我们要搬去她的母星Wearemovingtoherhomeplanet!什么叫你要去她的母星Whatdoyoumeanyou,regoingtoherhomeplanet?那你的特别项目怎么办Whataboutyourspecialproject,就是灰人文件夹里那个youknow,um,intheGreyfolder?你是指哈利阻止灰人YoumeanHarryssecretmission毁灭地球的那个秘密任务吗

31、tostoptheGreysfromdestroyingtheEarth?她知道了-你跟这只鸟说了Sheknows?Youtoldthebird?先说一下我是鸟人Ishouldtellyou,mynounisAvian.这就是我俩关系如此亲密的原因Thisiswhywearesoclose.我们不会像人类一样对彼此留有秘密Wedonotkeepsecretsfromoneanotherlikehumansdo.所以你们永远都不知道真爱是什么Thatiswhyyouwillneverknowtruelove最后沦落为“孤独旋女”andwhyyouwillenduplonelyspinners.那

32、叫大龄剩女干嘛纠正他Well,itsspinsters.Whywouldyoucorrecthim?不知道-你俩不要生气好吗Noidea.Dontbeupsetyoutwo,OK?哈利跟我无话不谈HarryandI,wetelleachothereverything.就比如我知道你碰过他的鸡鸡Forinstance,Iknowyoutouchedhispenis.什么What?我们当时被困在裂缝里而且他还身受重伤Weweretrappedinacrevasse,andhewasseriouslyinjured.他说你摸了很久Well,hesaysyoulingered.搞什么Whatthehe

33、ll?你知道自己做了什么Youknowwhatyoudid.他说我什么了没提起过你Andwhatdhesayaboutme?Hedidnotmentionyou.只说了阿斯塔摸他的事JustthestuffaboutAstagropinghim,这让他颇有感触andthatthatwasverytriggeringforhim,非常痛苦verytraumatic,以及镇长被灰人掳走的事andhowthetownmayorhasbeenabductedbyGreys.本被掳走过-什么Bensbeenabducted?-What?什久时候的事-别担心When?Donotworry.他们每次都会送他

34、回来他什公都不记得Theybringhimbackeverytime,andheremembersnothing.为什么不早点告诉我们Whywouldyounottellusthissooner?因为这是医生跟患者Becausethatisprivilegedinformation以及当时跟她医生betweenapatientandadoctor,andtheAvian在你车前座做♥爱♥的鸟人thathisdoctorishavingsexwith之间的保密信息inthefrontseatofyourcar.我撒谎说只在后座做了Iliedaboutonlydoing

35、itintheback.不许再在我车里做Stophavingsexinmycar.你现在真的不能离开地球NowyoureallycantleaveEarth.你必须留在这里把灰人赶走YouvegottostayhereandgetridoftheGreys.不不需要No,Idont.我一旦搞清灰人的计划OnceIfigureoutwhattheGreysplanis,只需要将能打败他们的东西,IjustneedtogivetheGeneral都给将军就可以了everythingsheneedstodefeatthem.这真是Thatis,uh-怎么了What?这Hey,its”我要去趟卫生间I

36、havetogotothebathroom.我会像人类男性一样陪你过去Iwillchaperoneyoulikeahumanmale假装保护你inafalseshowofprotection.失陪Excuseus.对Yeah.搞什么啊Whatthehell?我们得告诉本WehavetotellBen.不行不能说No,wecant.会暴露哈利的ItwillexposeHarry.答应我什么都别跟他说Promisemeyouwillnottellhimanything.行吧Fine.谢谢Thankyou.现在他们在咱家卫生间里做♥爱♥了Andnowtheyrehavin

37、gsexinourbathroom.以后你用吧Thatsyourbathroom.我去用健身房♥的llbeusingthegym.你俩在干什么Hey.Whatareyoutwoupto?帮麦克斯建造悬索桥HelpingMaxbuildasuspensionbridge科学作业要求的forhisscienceproject.-Hmm.进展不错也是共度时光Makinggoodprogress,anditisagreatway一种很好的方式tospendtimetogether.父子亲子时刻Alittlefather-sonbonding.一天白做了Wholedaywasted.看起来

38、不像是你在帮他Youknow,itdoesntlooklikeyourehelpinghim.倒像是你替他做Itlookslikeyouredoingitforhim.没不是就是检查一下Nope.Nope.Justinspecting.几乎没动手Youknow,barelydidanything.都是麦克斯做的对吧兄弟Youknow,Maxisalloverit,arentyou,buddy?我说是不是啊兄弟Isaid,arentyou,buddy?我忙着呢mkindofinthemiddleofsomething.干活Gettowork.我已经做了一个可爸给扔了Ialreadyhadapro

39、ject,butDadthrewitout.是一袋发霉的面包Itwasabagofmoldybread.那就是垃圾Itwasliterallytrash.自己做项目明白吗Makeyourownproject,OK?这次要认真做而不是Andonethattakesmoreeffortthanjust拿个烂掉的东西充数watchingsomethingrot.你知道有个网站Youknowtheresawholewebsitewhere专门给老师打分的吧youcanrateteachers,right?尽管打Doyourworst.我已经是全校最低分了Ialreadyhavetheworstrati

40、ngintheschool.亲爰的Honey-如果我们什么都代劳麦克斯是不会学到东西的Maxisntgoingtolearnifwedoeverythingforhim.我知道Iknow.我只是看到他要交一袋发霉面包时IjustpanickedwhenIsawhewasgonnaturnin吓坏了abagofmoldybread.我小时候被欺负过Iwaspickedonasakid.不想麦克斯也经历这些IdontwantMaxtohavetogothroughthat,too.孩子们不会因为这个欺负他Kidswouldntpickonhimforthat.而会因为他没把科学课当回事Theydt

41、hinkhewascoolfornotcaring觉得他很酷aboutscienceclass.除非他们都是书呆子但谁管他们怎么想Imean,unlesstheyrenerds,butwhocareswhattheythink.都是一帮策蛋Theyredorks.你有考虑过休假吗Youeverconsidertakingasabbaticalfromteaching?每天都想Everyday.慢点Slowdown!快这边Comeon,thisway.别那么快Notsofast!本ben如果哈利能带他的鸟过来IfHarrycanhavehisbirdover,那我应该能养只猫Ishouldbea

42、bletohaveacat.我对鸟并不过敏OK,Iamnotallergictobirds,一般情况下不用跟在他们后面收拾andyoudonthavetocleanupafterthem,normally.起码猫不会在你车里做♥爱♥Atleastcatsdonthavesexinyourcar.天我们必须做点什么Oh,God.Wehavetodosomething.歌♥利亚说的很清楚哈利和将军GoliathmadeitveryclearthatHarryandtheGeneral必须一起拯救地球havetosavetheplanettogether.就

43、是说他不能走Sohecantleave.看来我们得棒打鸳鸯rIguesswehavetobreakthemup?好耶Yes!哈利就像个发♥情♥的青少年Harry,slikeateenagerinheat.唯一办法就是电掉海瑟TheonlywayistogetridofHeather.我喜欢你的想法Ilikewhereyourmind,sgoing.你觉得咱需要多粗的蛇才能对付那么大的鸟Howbigofasnakedoyouthinkweneedforabirdthatsize?我意思是跟海瑟谈谈ImeanttalktoHeatherandgether然后让她跟哈利分

44、手跟她谈谈tobreakupwithHarry.Talktoher.蛇是后备计划明白了Snakeisback-up,gotit.问个小问题随便问的Hey,quickquestion.Random.你觉得如果杰搬来住段时间怎么样HowwouldyoufeelifJaymovedinforabit?门外谁啊Who,satthedoor?说来好笑杰之前问我能不能搬过来Funnystory.Jayaskedifshecouldmovein.然后我找她妈谈了下她同意了AndthenItalkedtohermom,andshesaidyes,所以我就很开心soIgotreallyexcitedaboutit,就跟杰说她可以过来跟我们住一段时间andthenItoldJaythatshecouldstaywithusforawhile忘了先征求你意见对不起withouttalkingtoyoufirst.msosorry.对不起msorry.室友-好啊Hey,roomies.-Hi.杰我们要养猫啦Hey,Jay.Weregettingacat.不错哦Nice.这个巧克力酱Dr.Vanderspeiglewasntlying范德史宾格医生还真没说错aboutthischocolatesauce.当你不知道下面有没有冰淇淋时Makesitfunwhenyourenotsure就会觉